A
female
age
30-35,
*tarstruck_savant
writes: On November 1st of last month it was my 19th birthday, and coincidentally, the day that my first, and current bf and I started dating. Now of course it's my first time doing all this lovey-dovey stuff and whatnot, and it seemed like I could be with him forever and ever during the first two weeks. However. Things have changed, on my perspective. I realized last week that I honestly couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life. Please, no "Oh honey, it's your first time, give it time and you'll see." or any such things. I find myself questioning our relationship, and to be quite honest more than just occasionally seriously considering break-ups. I am one of those girls that dates for the long term [read: looking for marriage partner]. Also, I am constantly finding myself thinking of this other guy that I have had very strong feelings for since I was 15, but have never dated. In a nutshell, I just feel as if my bf isn't taking our relationship seriously, and that he is putting himself first more and more often. He hardly ever calls me or makes an effort to visit me anymore (versus the polar opposite before), and I am usually the one coming up with activities and fun things to do. It seems to me as if I am pouring myself into someone that doesn't want to give their all back. I know I have an intense personality, but even when I tone it down, and work hard to relate to him, it feels as if he's not all there with me, so to speak. Intimacy isn't a problem, it seems to be the only thing that he makes concentrated efforts on anymore, and I am the kind of girl who won't rush into a sexual relationship that soon, so it bothers him as well that I choose not to "go all the way." Is it me expecting too much too soon? Am I being self-centered (probably, hehe.)? Is it anything serious? and can anyone help with some advice? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): Maybe you are both being a little self centered, maybe not? I don't know but it does sound like you are giving more to this relationship then he is. Only YOU know what is best for your life. Sometimes it can be hard to let go of a relationship because you aren't just letting go of him- you are letting go of the dreams, and the future you thought you might have had with him. I can relate- and I admire you for not just "dating around" and def not going all the way too soon. I did the same thing, and found my hubby! The fact that you are taking these things seriously show that you are very mature, and ready for a serious relationship with someone that is looking for the same thing. I think its time to let go of him, and start looking for another. If you want to learn more to see if he is a a href=”http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/Common_Traits_Of_The_Self-Centered_Person.aspx”self-centered/a
go there!
A
female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (7 December 2008):
hiyah is it really him being not as serious as youd like and immature or the fact that you have feelings for someone else? you need to be honest with yourself dont pick his faults as a way of escaping your relstionship. your not happy so maybe youve got to the end? i dont think your being self centered i just think you want a way out. be honest and talk to him tell him your doubts and what you think is the next best move for yourself and him. i think what you have given time could progress but it seems a time your not willing to wait and if your already having feelings for another imagine what a mess it might be in a years time. do you want to be here in a years time?
if you think this is pointless then end it, in order for you both to move on.
from what youve said its almost over but it needs to be finalised in order to beome reality and you can both start enjoying yourself. if not something you really want so its something you should let go.
hope all works out sorry if ive sounded blunt! xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, sparkleworks  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 Of course you're not being self centered. This guy is obviously not what you are looking for. Why pour all your time and energy into a relationship that isn't even what you want in the first place?
You were obviously attracted to this guy at some point, so it might be best to quit while you're ahead, and the two of you might form an amazing friendship that has the potential to be a lot more long term.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): It sounds as if the two of you are not really compatible. As Aldous Huxley said: "There isn't any formula or method. You learn to love by loving".
Finding the "right" partner might take time but it is not worth wasting time in a relationship that you now already can sense will not last. Get out there, get to know more guys, date more guys, you will know when you are in love!
...............................
|
