A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years. For the most part we get along really well. I consider us being very close friends. I always find it important that we make sure that our needs are being met in our relationship, but I wonder sometimes if I am asking too much from my husband. I ask him to come home right away after work, so we can spend the rest of the evening together. He works out of town and it takes a while for him to come home, but a few times a week he will want to stay behind and sit with his coworkers for a bite to eat or a beer. I hate when he does this, because we have little time left in a day before it's time for bed. I have offered him a night with his friends, but he says he would rather be with me. Am I being rediculous for asking him to never stop in on the "boys" after work and just come straight home? Am I being selfish for wanting all his attention to myself during the work week??
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): Yes, you're being unreasonable.
Men need to hang out with the guys from time to time and they're going to do it - either with or without your blessing. The difference is this: Men who have wives that get angry, call and text every 10 minutes saying, "When are you coming home?" and so forth, complain about their wives to all the other guys they're with. On the other hand, men who are left alone to enjoy a little happy hour with the guys before going home have friends who envy him and respect his wife.
I've been married for almost 20 years. My wife never complains about what I do and doesn't even ask where I've been. While I listen to the guys complain about their wives, and even show everybody the texts their wives are sending, I'm never complaining. When they ask how I "get away with it" I just tell them she doesn't even ask. Consequently, they all think we're a "perfect" couple and when my wife does occasionally join us for a late happy hour, all the men just adore her and think she's wonderful, like I do.
Because she is so good about it, I have gotten where I don't want to stay out later than a few hours and I hardly ever go for happy hour on Fridays because I'm anxious to get home. I do my happy hours, usually, on Tuesday and Thursday. It's just sort of expected. On the rare occasion she needs me to be home on Tuesday or Thursday, I'm there in a heartbeat!
All men and women would do better in their marriages if they learn not to hassle their spouses about things they want to do as long as what they're doing is fairly reasonable. If somebody is running around all night and not coming home until the next morning, that's a different story. But a few happy hours? Try not nagging and see how much your marriage improves.
A
male
reader, lionelhutz  +, writes (26 September 2010):
There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your husband. In fact after 10 years of marriage, that's great. But like the previous responder said, wanting his time every day and denying him the opportunity to spend some time with friends/coworkers will likely push him further away instead of being closer.
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A
female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (26 September 2010):
Each of you need time alone. Since you say you offered him a night with his friends and he said no, I am guessing that all your previous actions of asking him to come home made him feel like he had to tell you that he wanted to spend time with you.
My suggestion is make a few women friends, and take a class or go shopping or something with them once in a while, this will allow him to stay late with the work buddies and have a beer, without feeling guilty, and you'll enjoy yourself too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010): I would feel the same and want him all to myself. BUT the problem with that is you could potentially push him away if you are over demanding. However, there does need to be compromise on his behalf as well as yours. Perhaps he should limit the "boy" nights to one of two nights, then at least this way you KNOW which nights he will be home later and this prevents the disappointment you feel when you get told he'll be late when you were looking forward to seeing him. Also why don't you make your weekends extra special? Plan something nice at the start of the week, giving you something to look forward to and get through the week with. Also, perhaps call in on your girl mates the nights he sees the boys, that whay you are distracted and can come home and share your stories.Good lukc, babe.
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