A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid: I've been single for a long time, and I recently met a super sweet guy online. After talking on the phone for a few days, we met. He is very good looking but for one thing: his teeth. Most of them are rotten. He rarely smiles, but when he does, it actually looks painful! He also smokes a lot and eats very poorly. I've brought up the topic of getting them fixed; and he says he intends to when he can take time off work, but I don't know when that will be. I've been seeing him for a couple of weeks, and I really like him. But I can't imagine being with someone long term who doesn't take care of himself. More worrisome to me, I can't imagine introducing him to my friends and family like this. Should I end it with him before one or both of us falls in love? Am I being really superficial and selfish for feeling like this? What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): I agree with the other posters who have said that you are not being selfish or superficial, at all. Of course there are more important things in life (and in relationships) than physical appearance. But in a lot of cases, aspects of a person's appearance (their hygiene, their fitness, even just the way they carry themselves) can give you important clues as to how compatible the two of you are. At the same time, people and circumstances do change, and if you're really interested in this guy you might not want to write him off too quickly.
I suppose it all depends on what you really value in relationships, and in life. Taking care of your health is extremely important to me, and like you, I can't imagine being with someone who didn't feel the same way, for a lot of reasons. I don't want to be widowed at 50 because my husband had a heart attack that could have been prevented!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it might be worth giving this guy a shot, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out. You can't change the way you feel. And no matter the outcome of your current relationship, there's no reason why you two shouldn't be great friends :)
A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 I think Fiercebad put it very well. There is nothing wrong with feeling that way.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (19 March 2010):
Says it all! Move on; Tonite!
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A
female
reader, Missprettynpurple  +, writes (19 March 2010):
if u can over look it until he gets them fixed stick with him.if not end it ,i mean like if u cant even like kiss him end it.it is not gd wen a guy has something like that an the fact u cant introduce him 2 ure family makes it even worse.if i were u i wld tell him to get them fixed or we're over ( but nicly plz).i noe it sounds superfical but wats the point in havin a bf who cant take care of himself.how will he take care of u or your future kids.i tink it wld b gd 4 u to address it earlier in the relationship.
hope he understands
X
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A
male
reader, mikehimself  +, writes (19 March 2010):
Superficial, yes, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Dental hygiene is important, and being attractive to and pleasing your partner moreso.
You've mentioned your concern to him already, which is good. He says he intends to fix them, which is also good. If he's serious about it.
However, commenting on someone's appearance can be touchy. I see two options of continuing subtle pressure. A) If he has a good sense of humor, joke around about it. Make a reference to The Big Book of British Smiles or something. B) Make gentle suggestions that your concerned about his dental health. It will be better and cheaper the earlier he gets them checked out.
Also, be scrupulous about your own dental hygiene. Set the example. Though it may be a bit stretched, make a point of brushing your teeth after every meal. Stop off for a new toothbrush, toothpaste or dental floss when you are together. If your relationship has progressed, make a point of having your dental stuff and using it at his place or when he is at yours. But these things, without mention of his habits. It's enough that he sees how important it is to you.
Best of luck.
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