A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My b/f frequently lacks the ability to see things from another person's perspective. As a result, when he ignores my phone calls because he's working with a female co-worker who has been known to have a crush on him, I find things to do with my time rather than drive myself nuts and when he finally gets around to ringing me, he may or may not find me. I don't sit around waiting by the phone that's for sure.When we're working on projects together, and he starts becoming beligerent with me, taking out his frustrations, yelling or cursing at me, I simply get up and move to another room of the house and begin to do other chores, or I leave altogether and let him figure out how to finish the project alone. He says I'm pouting, and playing games, but I think it's more like I'm not here to be his verbal punching bag, so if he's not going to treat me with respect, I have other things I can do that don't involve him. The same thing applies when I e-mail him during the day, and he doesn't bother to answer me, I go on with my plans, which may include an appt. after work, or other errands. I figure if he's interested in being included in my plans, he would find the time to call or e-mail me back with a response. My b/f says I'm passive-agressive and that I play games of retaliation, but I don't agree. Though I will admit once he gets a dose of his own medicine, he usually stops acting like a total ass. So here's my question -- am I being manipulative, or do I just have standards he hasn't ever experienced from the other women he's been with before? Am I being retaliatory, or just smart?
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male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Hi there,
all I can say is good on you! You are very brave for putting up with this crap from your boyfriend.
But I have to ask the question what are you doing with such a control freak? You look like a very nice person, don't you deserve someone who will treat you with respect rather than treat you like dirt?
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 I have a question for you... WHY ARE YOU TOGETHER??? This relationship seems to be a game for both of you. Successful reltionships are built on love, trust, communication and respect, none of which either of you seem to have for one another. You call and email him and he ignores you, you say "I figure if he's interested in being included in my plans, he would find the time to call or e-mail me back with a response." - Where's the "togetherness" there? Seems like you both want very different things from life, from what I've read from your letter you sound a bit of a control freak and he just doesn't want to be controlled (sorry to be blunt and I know you won't like to hear it but it's true).
The best thing for you both would be to break up and move on instead of both of you throwing your toys out the pram when things don't go the way both of you want them to. Relationships are NOT about giving one another "a dose of their own medicine", they're about sharing, respecting, trusting, working things out, TOGETHER, in a mature fashion and bonding closer as time goes on.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, wwwchrissy +, writes (26 February 2008):
 I think you are doing just great. Your reactions to his childish behavior are very mature. He is the one who is trying to manipulate you into a state of jealousy and insecurity which you are not silly enough to fall for...You rise above it with dignity :o) Keep up the good work he will soon realize you are not up for childish teenage games but have better things to do with your time. If you dont like it, sling it, if you want to stick around and be with me, grow up. :o) thats the message you are sending out and its very positive! BRAVO!
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