A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 months but have known each other for many years. He is really nice, rational and calm and sees both sides of arguments and both feelings when we argue. Recently we have started arguing all the time due to a number of factors. He is very very sociable and has a lot of female friends that he is a confidante too. I don't like it as I feel he is just too close to them. He is a very strong character and points out he has an existing life and doesn't like it when I become clingy. I am quite insecure and need a lot of love and attention. He also has a lot of problems with his children who are terribly badly behaved and live with their mothers although he gets called in when there are problems. I have very high morals and although he explains it well I am not sure if there is something not right about him as he has 4 kids by 4 different women leaving all of them when the children were babies. For some reason I don't think this behaviour is right. Recently he went to see one of his female friends that he knows I don't like and he seems to put his friends needs above my needs. I am a 42 year old woman and I can see that maybe I am coming across as spoilt and silly but I honestly don't feel I am being treated very fairly and I am not sure if these other woman were all wrong and that maybe he treated them like this and it just got worse as can 4 plus women be wrong. He tells me my jealousy is not an attractive trait but he won't stop what he is doing which makes my feelings of unease, jealousy worse. Am I being jealous and silly or do I have valid reasons for feeling like this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mat_auw  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your well written post. Somehow I get the feeling that you already know the answer to your questions...
Based on the information you have provided in your letter, your fiance is an unrepentant casanova. How did the two of you decide to get engaged when he still has so many responsibilities left unfulfilled and intends to continue down his stubborn reckless path to destroy even more women's lives?
Call me a conservative or a prude but I'm absolutely disgusted by your fiance's behaviour and I don't think you should tolerate it either. You are not being jealous or silly by demanding that he pay particular attention to you above all others - because that is what it means to take a wife. Your fiance cannot expect to have as active a social life as a single swinging bachelor when he is supposed to have committed to a long-term, highly invested relationship with you.
Considering his track record I am very worried that you might end up just like the 4 other mothers and babies he abandoned at the slightest sign of burden.
No matter how attractive and comforting he may be because of his nice, calm and rational exterior, your fiance has some deep-seated personality aspects that really do not make him a suitable marriage partner.
I sincerely urge you to seriously reconsider your relationship with him. You deserve a man who will provide you with the love and attention that meets your needs but you won't find him until you let go of this one. Best wishes.
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