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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi all,I hope I am not taking up too much of anybody's time! I am worried sick and I think I am myself insecure and jealous and I wish to stop being this way!I had a long term relationship and recently moved in with my partner. Things went well until I discovered a card from an ex-lover whom my boyfriend had once cheated on me with a year and a half ago! The card stated that she had come to visit him on some occasion in May 2006, and that she was happy that they were "in each other's lives once again". I know I am being stupid but this discovery (in the magazine rack) prompted me to "accidently" glance at his MSN list! And on there, I was grouped into the "friends" category while she was grouped into the "family" category.. is there something he's not telling me???I tried asking him about it but he refused to talk about it and now I do not know what to do as I have already moved into his apartment! This is not even my country! I suggested that perhaps I ought to leave, but he seemed reluctant about it.What should I do? I am confused.. am I being too insecure and jealous? Importantly, should I try to find out what he's not telling me? Please advise!!Thanks..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (16 August 2006):
 Well you need to stop torturing yourself for a start. How you are feeling is to be expected if he has cheated on you with his ex before; far from being irrational as your feelings seem to be to you they are very rational; based as they are on your previous experience.
Obviously his ex is still a big part of his life and from what you say here, he concealed that earlier visit which isnt good. Also the MSN thing could just be a sign she means alot. I guess the question you want answered is is there more too it than just an old flame still burning. If hes concealing things its not a good sign but neither is it defiante proof on its own. What you do about this rather depends on you.
If you comfront him then you run the risk of alienating him and looking like you dont trust him. This could be especially difficult under your circumstances. On the other hand if you decided to do nothing about it then you are going to have to learn to live with the insecurity and suspiscion and the not quite knowing. The choice is yours really, take care.
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