A
male
age
,
*andledee
writes:I am a 51 year old male that have been seeing a gal for a few months. I am not really the jealous type. I work graveyard shift and had been pretty much staying with my girlfriend every day. I came home for lunch at two a.m. to find a male friend of hers, asleep on one sofa and my girlfriend asleep on the other. I tried to wake her but she just got irriatated and rolled over. I went back to work and sent her a text letting her know that i thought it was not a nice thing to walk into and then let her know that i thought it is kind of inconsiderate to be seeing or having male friends over after ten pm.She more or less said she was paying the bills for that place, and thought i was being childish. I am wondering if that shouldn't bother me. Am i being immature about this?
View related questions:
immature, jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 September 2011):
 At least you didn't find them cuddling on the same couch. Before you go jumping to conclusions, stop and think why he might be there. Maybe he had a fight with his significant other and needed a place to crash for the night.
She is right, it's her place so she can have whomever over whenever she pleases...you don't really have a say in the matter. Also, if you trust her then there should be no issue.
If I were you I would just apologize about your reaction..then drop it.
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 September 2011):
 I think it rubbed you the wrong way, but you do not know the reason why he was there.
It was in her place and you obviously have a key. Nothing sneaky or illicit was being hidden from you. This was a friend that crashed on the couch.
This may have been an unplanned thing, friends staying up late and falling asleep.
Get to the root over what is really bothering you. Is that she did not give you advanced warning? Would that have helped? Is that you do not trust her?
You are not her Dad and it is not your place, so you really do not have the right to say who she can and can not have over and when curfew is. I think you overracted rather than talk about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 September 2011):
 Me personally don't see a problem with it. She's a free being to do as she pleases, and she is right to have whomever she pleases over and sleep wherever she wants. She hasn't been cheating.
The problem is: is this a deal breaker to you? Because if it is you're better off leaving her and finding a girlfriend who agrees to the exact same ideas as you about whats nice or not nice. This woman thinks this sort of thing is ok, as do I, and really it is a matter of preference. You wouldn't do it with a female friend, ok, but that doesn't mean you get to dictate what others do.
You need to either accept that she does things differently from you, or move on. Personally I don't see what the problem is, and think you should take a look at why you feel so upset about this. What exactly makes you feel this is wrong of her? Bear in mind, you are right to your opinion, but you do not have the right to tell her what she can or can not do.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 September 2011):
 I would have let my partner know I was having a friend over that's just courtesy.
Would you have been upset if it was a female friend?
what if she had told you the male friend was coming over?
it could have been worse they could have been in the same bed when you found them.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2011): If I was in your shoes I would be upset as well. You were taken by complete surprise, I understand if she sent you a text message or phoned you warning you that she had someone over and he had a bit much to drink, and couldn't drive home, and was going to crash at hers. But that was inconsiderate of her, you don't really know what she was doing with him do you?
...............................
A
female
reader, babyghost  +, writes (1 September 2011):
I understand your anxieties but it all seems compleately innocent and in that cas i do feel as though your over reacting. They probably just both have been watcching TV and a movie and fallen asleep on the separate couches so purly innocent. Its just like having a friend of yours over to stop thats pre planned, just because its last minute does not mean anything sinister is going on.
...............................
|
