A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I feel I am in a bit of a pickle lately having to do with both my friends bachelorette party and the potential bachelor party my boyfriend has mentioned.Im 22 and my boyfriend and I have been together over 4 years. We are not the type of people that go out to bars separately or spend the night at friends. We've lived together for about 4 years and we have a very close relationship.My friend is getting married and is having a bachelorette party in a few weeks. It really isnt going to be too bad. We are going to eat dinner, go to one strip club, and then bar hop. The thing that makes me uncomfortable is that we are supposed to be getting a hotel and staying over night. There is mention of trying to get a stripper back to the hotel. I really dont feel comfortable staying over night away from my boyfriend, esp if there is a stripper in the hotel. I just feel its really disrespectful. My boyfriend seems a bit bothered by the idea as well. I dont know how to get out of staying though, the girls Im going with are in more open relationships and also feel like Id be abandoning the bride if I didnt stay over night. Any advice?Now for my boyfriends mentioned bachelor party that his friend is having. All I know is that it is a multiple day/night event happening in vegas (states away from us) and they have a list of the different ethnicities of hookers that will be hired throughout the event. Now if this was going to be a local event or whatever I wouldnt feel so put off by it. Id still be a little jealous of course but he would go and Id probably give him a bundle of ones even and eagerly look forward to him coming home that night. But going out of town for a whole weekend bachelor party? I would never tell him he couldnt go but I really dont want him to. Getting really drunk for days and having hookers at their hotels just seems like a really bad idea for any straight male. I trust my boyfriend but the fact is he isnt single and taking weekend long trips full of strippers and hookers just isnt what my idea of a committed boyfriend should do, even if it is just to celebrate his friends getting married.I have even tried to convince him since we go together (way before mention of either party) that we should go to vegas but he always says we cant afford it or it isnt the right time or he doesnt want to go.Is it unreasonable for me to *ASK* that he not go? If the situation was reversed, there would be no question of me going at all. I dont know how to approach this or if Im being a prude by not wanting him to go to this out of town bachelor party.Thanks for reading!
View related questions:
drunk, escort, jealous, stripper Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): Thank you for your post. Both of you need to keep your own interest in mind with your born-raised ethics and morals here. Stand up for your own personal well being. Both parties, with respect to the bride in yours, sound like typical temptation tacklin' I-Got-Hammered-And-Made-A-Mistake dramas. Solution: If the party your in, and dont feel obligated ever if your morals or ethics are compromised, if the party your in goes against your beliefs in what you think is beneficial for your own personal well-being then respectfully state that to the bride and other women. Say something like, "Im not judging you girls for doing what your doing, however, logically youre in open relationships and I am not and I do not want to risk myself for any temptation at this party because I respect my relationship with my boyfriend."
Your boyfriend should say the same thing and his friends, being hormone driven males, will likely laugh at him and ridicule him. Thats almost guaranteed, but like me in turning down a 1 man on 9 handpicked woman f***fest in a hotel suite, its all about who you are as a person and where your morals lie as both a man, and when it comes to a relationship in particular. Good luck on both your decisions.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I know this is one of those that you will get answers both ways. I think it is perfectly fine to say you don't want him to go. I would never want my boyfriend to go away to a bachelor party in vegas, let alone with hookers! That's insane. And illegal... Right? Like another poster said, that is someone PAID to have sex with you. Not just stripping. I can't believe any of these men have girls or wives allowing them to go. It's beyond disgusting. I'd actually question who my boyfriend really is if he wanted to go to this thing. And I am a lot like you, I would not want to go to the hotel stripper thing either. It would feel disrespectful to me and I am just not into that type of thing. I think you should just be open and honest. It's always about honesty. Don't tell him not to go. But do tell him how you feel about it. If he wants to go then I guess he goes. You can't really stop him. I hope for your sake he will respect your wishes and sees that it would bother you and stays home. And if the hotel night makes you uncomfortable then don't go. You won't be ditching or ruining anyone's night, just let them know you aren't comfortable doing that. It isn't everyone's thing. I would know ;) I have a really close relationship where my boyfriend and I do everything together as well, not an open one as you have stated your friends are. That's why I think you could get a lot of different answers. From people who are more open and people who are in relationships more like yourself. But no matter what anyone says you should tell him how you feel. Forget asking him not to, just tell him how you feel about it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): My advice would be that you do not ask him not to go. If his friend is getting married and having a bachelor party he either wants to go or he does not. If you ask him not to go he will either go anyway, angering you, or not go, resenting you.
Look at it this way: If you go to the bachelorette party and stay overnight, are you going to get into some drunken orgy and have sex with a male stripper? Neither is he.
...............................
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him not to go, considering what they have planned. They're going to be out of town for days and intend to hire hookers. Not just strippers, but women that are being paid solely to have sex with them. Excuse my language here, but that's pretty fucked up. It's unfortunate the bride will be marrying someone willing to do that.
It also seems odd that until now, your boyfriend has said he either couldn't afford to go to Las Vegas or just didn't want to. Now that hookers and strippers are thrown into the deal, he suddenly has enough money to go by himself?
Just tell him you're not comfortable with what the bachelor party will include. He's made it clear he doesn't like the idea of you staying at a hotel with a group of women and a male stripper, there's no reason why you can't let him know how you feel about him being around multiple hookers for the entire weekend.
As for the bachelorette party, I don't see a problem with not staying at the hotel after going to the strip club and bar hopping. Ultimately it's up to you and your comfort level. You won't be abandoning the bride if her other friends are there.
...............................
|
