A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, So I've been seeing someone from a different country. We've been seeing each other for about 3 years. He does not have a steady income. He sells clothes. Jobs are scarce where he is. He always asks for money and it never seems like it's enough. I'll give him $100.00 and 4 days later he's asking for more. The $100.00 I give him is worth quite a bit where he's from.He also looks after his younger brother. I feel like it's unfair to me to always have to dish out money and unfair I am the one who always has to visit him. Where ever I bring it up, he gives me the silent treatment. I would expect when someone is helping you that you'd appreciate it. Am I being a fool?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2024): Indiglorex. Most would not want to be with someone who has been arrested or is in prison or a repeat offender with the police, let alone paying for their bail. You need standards that match yours. Mix with people who are the same as you. If you are skint most of the time then that is the sort of person you end up with. Successful people will have more sense than to mix with them. If you work hard and smart and have savings and a nice home that belongs to you then stay away from losers and low lifes altogether. Not just when they ask for money but look at their job and their lifestyle.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (9 July 2024):
 I am so sorry to say it, because its probably the last thing you want to hear, but i feel he is scamming you.
Yo have parted with large sums of money, and each time this is never enough, so you part with more, and this is not enough.
Well let me tell you, it will always never be enough and this is going to go on and on until you don't have any more money to give.
You are not the first person this has happened to, and by no means the last.
Do yourself a favour and don't send anymore money, relationships are supposed to be 50/50, not one person doing all the leg work.
I would walk away from this one while you still have some money and find someone who works with you not against you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2024): Yes.
He's using you to get money. Yes it's unfair but you keep on letting him do it. If you stop giving him money he will leave. So why not show him the door.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2024): There are lots of guys and women who do this online. They pretend to be available and seeking a new partner. What they really want is for gullible and naive people to fall for it,
think they are their partner, despite being so far away they rarely if ever meet, and for all you know he is married or got a local girlfriend. Which of course he does not tell you about. Because your role in his life is as a paying customer. You pay him money regularly in return for being able to believe to be their partner and kid yourself you are not single and have someone who loves you and cares about you. What you are really doing is paying for his time. If he spends half an hour talking to you he wants money to cover that time. Just as a dentist will not check your teeth for free and has lots of other patients too. He will tell you what you want to hear to keep you coming back and paying. He will give you the cold shoulder when he wants more money and you are not quick enough to give it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2024): Yes he does have a steady income. He gets money from women he hardly knows in other countries. Between them they give him a lot and it is how he pays his bills etc. To him it is a job. Scamming women. In return you get a text or an email or a phone call and he allows you to visit him and spend some time with him, pretending to be your partner, so that you carry on sending him money. You are paying for the pretence of having a partner/boyfriend. And if you have a job you are a fool, nobody with sense who has a job would take on a guy who lives a long way away and cannot in three years or longer - sort out a way to make sure he can pay his way in life without degrading himself and his so called partners into him taking money from others. If you want children forget it. What use is such a guy to a pregnant or stay at home mother - financially or in any other way? He has proved he is lazy and stupid and dishonest.. you should not need to ask here, it is staring you in the face that he is just using you as a cash cow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2024): You've established a pattern where he expects money from you.
As beautiful as you may be you are his "cash cow"!
The silent treatment means he is seeing how far he can push it.
Will you suddenly find the money and send it to him?
He wants you to believe that you are valuable to him and in that bit he is sincere!
He needs your money. He feels he deserves it because he has spun a web of lies to draw you in and you have been very accommodating so far.
But this whole arrangement depends on you providing for him.
A real man never asks for money from a woman!
You could break his shallow heart by telling him you've won the lottery and your previous ex is back in your life and sadly you can no longer do anything for him!
But better still just cut him off and try to hang onto your money because those kind of guys are only done with you when they have bled every last penny from you.
Then they suggest you 'go on the game ' to maintain their lifestyle.
If you break it off now you can start to look after yourself in another way.
That means you don't support a fully grown man or his family.
Ever again.
You don't need to loose every penny to come to the conclusion that he is using you and you are allowing him to.
You will never have children if you continue to seek high maintenance guys because it isn't possible to afford both.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 July 2024):
 "Am I being a fool?"
Yes, you are being scammed. Even if you visit him, he has probably other people he is ALSO asking for money.
YOU are not financially responsible for him OR his brother.
How do you really see this relationship EVER move forward?
YOU will ALWAYS be expected to support him financially. If you don't "OBEY" he will ignore you.
How is that a healthy relationship?
Hint hint - it's not.
Move on, find someone geographically closer to yourself that you can spend time with IN person. Not some pen pal who expects you to support him financially.
He can NEVER afford to get a Visa to come visit, he might not even WANT to come visit you. He might tell you a whole lot of lies to get money out of you.
You already know this is not something to build a future on.
Try and add up HOW much money you have given him over the last 3 years and how much you have spent on travelling to see him...
Then consider what you COULD have spent that money on.
Let him go. He will be OK. He will find another "girl-friend" to bleed dry.
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A
male
reader, Indiglorex +, writes (4 July 2024):
I don't want to call you a fool, as you aren't, but you may just be acting foolish because your head is clouded with your affection towards him.
But in this case, it clearly only flows one way. It unfortunately seems like he is using you for your money. Especially if it keeps happening and the money never seems to last and there is always one crisis after another.
I was almost going to be trapped in a similar relationship where she needed money for bail, or money to fix her car, or money to pay rent. But I realized it sooner rather than later and declined all those requests and stopped talking to her too as she always brought up her money problems and nothing else after a nice date.
So my advice to you is distance yourself from him, either gradually or full stop. And please stop giving him money.
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