A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi need to share anonymously I’m married with grown up children, but two years ago I feel for someone 10ths younger this progressed into texting/sexting it was a bolt out of the blue. He had since been through a serious illness it made me think more about life and why did I feel this for this guy. My husband is 10yrs older than I we are together 22 years a lot of it was good but we have been through some difficult times together he is a great provider but I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore I love him we don’t have sex often maybe I settled young and it breaks my heart feeling this way I’m devastated and feel I can’t talk to anyone this other guy is in a relationship a year but our attraction is undeniable I don’t want to be bad to my husband and I wish I hadn’t these feeling but I cannot turn them off I cannot see this guy much as we are on the same vicinity as each other and it’s hard to meet maybe a few answers might give me more clarity to how I should navigate this situation he says he doesn’t want to loose contact with me I have fallen hard and cannot get up from this
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2024): Oh dear, you are not Mrs Robinson. He has not fallen for you. Most men get bored with their partner after a bit and flirt, sex text, web cam or whatever they can get offered to them on a plate for free.... you do know, don't you, that sex texting and web cam and phone calls are so popular that a lot of women do it as their full time paid job? This guy thinks wow. I love doing this. And it is free, so yes I will. It has not occurred to you that he has only taken you up on the sex texting etc, he has not asked you out for a romantic meal or talked about ending it with his partner. You are just a slut to him. A convenience. A freebie. And he knows you cannot get possessive or demanding because you are married, ideal for him.
You seem to forget that your husband knows your marriage is not as great as it could have been. He knows there has been bad and boring patches. He could have flirted and tried to cheat too. He probably has more opportunity than you.
If you are not careful you will lose your husband and get gossiped about as being what they call "the local bike" by neighbours. Love is not about lust, it is about being compatible, having the same goals, liking the other person. This guy you sex text with is only bothering with you because you are local, free and willing. It does not mean he likes you or respects you or wants more with you. Bored wives are the prime target for these guys. You are acting like a silly teenager and will get a nasty surprise if you carry on with this. If marriage is that bad end it, be single and then date again in the normal nice and respectable way with single people. Not just sex and flirting with guys who only want you for sex. It is not paying you a compliment, it is not about YOU. He would say yes to anyone who fits the bill and gives it away for free.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2024): These strong attractions do happen but they are not real relationships. Do you really want to hurt your husband and children just for sex?
The way to turn these feelings off is to stop seeing him and find something else to absorb your mind. Sounds like you don't want to do that, but do you really need to start cheating at your time of life?
Sex is exciting to start with but it's not enough to give deep happiness in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2024): You justify this situation by saying you have "fallen hard" for him but that isn't the truth.
You've created a fantasy in your mind as to who he is and how wonderful he might be to you.
From another view point he may not be wonderful
to you at all.
Firstly I see your confidence dropping and you now believe you settled too early!
Yet you have had some happy years with your husband who has provided for you.
This other guy can remove all that at the flick of his wick and you may get an orgasm if you're lucky.
Sex texting doesn't mean you are special to him in any way at all.
It just means that he's tried this method before and it's proved effective.
He gets a conquest.
He already has a partner so he is only looking for a conquest.
Just try asking the hard questions like "what does your 'wife' think of you playing away?"
Or ' when's the baby due?'
These guys often look for a little extra curricula sex when the wife is far gone in a difficult pregnancy. To ensure a safe pregnancy they abstain from sex.
You have rather a lot to loose unless you expected violins and fluttering rose petals every day of your marriage.
You loose your stability.
You loose your judgement.
You loose the respect of people who know you.
And you loose your pride when you are suddenly cut off from your new passion because you have become too human, too old and too demanding.
I suggest you brighten up your current partners and your own life with a beautiful holiday or fabulous day or even just a new found respect for him!
Younger men rarely last long with older women especially when they have younger models available.
But in your fantasy state of mind you can't see that.
You see him as a prize.
I see him as a trap that will expose your weakness.
He stands to gain a conquest and you stand to loose your self respect!
And the respect of your current partner.
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