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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hi , last week I posted a question about what I should do about the situation I am in. I am 5 weeks pregnant and currently going through an abortion I am just waiting for the second lot of pills. I am so upset and distraught about the whole situation and having none of my family knowing because I am ashamed is making me so much more upset because I feel I have no one to talk to. The boy who got me pregnant is just so inconsiderate he does not care about what I'm going through at all, and after him telling literally everybody he knows when I asked him so many times to tell NO ONE, he still doesn't care! and I feel like I'm over reacting by being upset all the time. Even though we wasn't together I think he should still at least check if I'm okay ?? I've blocked him off every thing so he can't contact me in any way, am I actually over reacting I feel like I'm being a drama queen ?? I just don't know what to do even though I am going through with a termanation , I feel so mentally and emotionally drained. Am I right for not even wanting to speak to him? Or see his name anywhere ?? I just feel like a big drama queen :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2016): You're not overreacting. You have every right to be upset. He should have checked on you and shouldn't have shot of his big mouth about your situation to everyone. I certainly think you've made the right decision by having this abortion as this guy sounds like an immature, insensitive and self-absorbed person. And good for you for blocking him. He's a real a**hole.If it's any comfort, I went through a similar situation many years ago. I was very young like you and trusting of this person, but found myself accidentally pregnant by a guy who turned out to be a drunk and a player. I was too embarrassed to tell my family and just did what I needed to do and made the right decision for me.Do you have any good friends you can trust to talk to about this? I'm sure that would be helpful. It's hard right now, but you will get through this and be a stronger and wiser person for it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2016): I remember your first question - the guy has proved yet again he's an idiot for telling more people. You absolutely did the right thing in blocking him in every way but I really do think you need to confide in someone to help you get through this. If you really can't bring yourself to talk to your mum then ask your doctor for some support - they should be able to refer you to counselling. This is a ^^t thing to be going through, the only positive is that you will not be tied to this twat of a man for the next 18 years as you, and a child, would deserve someone better than him!Do you know what I'd do - hold your head high and know you made the right choice for you at this time and you are not the first, or last, woman to have to go through this kind of situation so support should be out there. Don't make contact with this guy and leave him blocked. If he contacts you I'd ignore it. If you don't have a friend to talk to, maybe an aunt? A cousin? Seriously most mums would not flip out, you're an adult but she would hate to think you have done this alone :-(
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female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (9 April 2016):
Oh my goodness you poor girl...hes a ###king idiot, you need to think of someone to confide in...you are not over reacting. Please do as the other aunts suggest - if your family are able to support you, a friend, pr a referral,from your GP. Wishing you such strength xx
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female
reader, wrathykins +, writes (9 April 2016):
 I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult situation right now. You are not being a drama queen at all, I would probably be exactly the same if I were in your shoes. Telling everyone about the abortion is absolutley disgusting of him. It's YOUR choice and it's YOUR life. Try not to worry what other people will think of this choice, you obviously know it was the right decision for you and that's all that matters.It's a very good idea to ask your doctor to set you up with a councillor to help you deal with how you will feel after. A friend of mine had an abortion and ended up on anti-depressants. Have you got any close friends you can trust with this? You need someone to talk to.I think it's a very good idea you've decided to block him off everything too. It'll help you move on from this situation.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (9 April 2016):
 You came to the right place. I'm really sorry you're going through this. You're not a drama queen. You're going through one of the most physically, emotionally, and chemically traumatic times in your life.
Unless your family is physically or emotionally abusive to you, they are your best source of support. I think you are harming yourself by letting your embarrassment and shame get in the way of reaching out to them. You need unconditional love, and it's not with this guy who got you pregnant. It's with your family who's been with you since you came into the world. And don't think you're fooling them into thinking you're alright either. They know that something's *really* wrong with you now, so you need them.
Not only that, but you're having an abortion with pills, right? Ask your doctor/OBGYN to get you in touch with a therapist or psychiatrist to also talk to. They are the absolute best at non-judgmental guidance into what you're going through, AND especially in the case of your psychiatrist, both pregnancy and abortion have a profound effect on your physiological brain chemistry, with the sudden dramatic influx and outflux of pregnancy hormones. They will help you weather the storm, especially if you start facing an onslaught of really irrational emotions or self-harming behaviors. Not only will you save your sanity, but they'll help you heal correctly.
Think of the mind like you'd think of your leg. If your leg snapped, you wouldn't dream of just lying there in agony waiting for it to unbreak, right? You'd go to the Dr., have it set in a cast, and follow instructions for 6-8 weeks until your leg healed properly. It's the same with your mind and emotional health. Don't just go it alone hoping it'll get better. Have the therapist/psych/your parents support you, guide you, lead you, comfort you until you heal, which isn't going to be quick.
This boy who got you pregnant and is now acting like an idiot? You are right to block him. Keeping with the same leg-broken analogy, what he's doing is the equivalent to seeing you on the ground with a broken leg, and his response is to take out a hammer and start hitting that broken leg even more. You blocked him because he is the opposite of getting healthy. Get away from the guy, and especially after you get your bearings, talk to the therapist regularly, get through this abortion, and start healing physically and emotionally, DO NOT get back with the guy.
Being with the wrong guy can destroy your life. Knowing that this guy can destroy your life and going back with him is insane. That's why it's SO important to choose a guy with much better care than we did in high school. When you get through this, you'll still be facing the rest of your life. You can either keep this corrosive unhealthy guy around and make more really bad decisions pressured by him, OR you can keep him blocked, listen to your family and therapist, and start to rebuild stronger than you were before this monumental trauma.
The wrong partner can be devastating and perhaps fatal to people. Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, Chris Brown and Rihanna, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, and I could go on and on. The wrong partner can bring out the worst in you and lead you to trauma, addiction, abuse, injury, loss of beauty, dreams, happiness, control, and in some cases, death.
Don't *want* this guy to check on you. You want to get away from him. The toxicity isn't with your family. It's with HIM, his family, and this gaggle of people he's blabbing to without a single compassionate thought in his head.
Keep the guy blocked, and follow up with us! If there are more details, let us know! We're here to listen too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2016): Claim back power over your life. No one else can do that except you. Let go of the people who are weighing you down. It's not going to be easy, so I suggest that you let your family help you get through this. Lastly, you start with the hardest thing do - forgive yourself.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2016):
 Being pregnant means having emotions you can't always control, sometimes being a little irrational - and THAT is pretty normal.
But you are going through more than "just" being pregnant, you are dealing with having to terminate the pregnancy and no getting ANY support from anyone.
Now I get that you feel ashamed, but you didn't get into this trouble ALL by yourself, it takes two to tango. I think you should find an adult you can confide in, your mom or an aunt or SOMEONE you can depend on for support because this guy... isn't it. He is as useless as tits on a boar.
I will also suggest you talk to your doctor and get a referral for a counselor AFTER the termination. It's a big deal to go through, physically, mentally and emotionally. YOU should talk to someone professional afterwards.
Do go through all this alone. TALK to an adult you can trust now, get someone to talk to now and a counselor for afterwards.
The only "shame" is that you MADE a mistake in whom you slept with and not using protection. You are hardly the only girl to do that. So stop with the shaming and beating up yourself, ignore the idiot and talk to someone you can trust and love.
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