A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have this question people.Last night me and my "temporary" ex (temporary because she asked for a temporary break up). Now anyways, we were texting and I asked her why she broke up with me. She told me because I lied to her, and the points she listed were, that I didn't tell her I went out with our group of friends. I'm not making reasons for myself, but that day, I was busy working out when she called me so I gave her a brief and quick run through of my day. So I mean I might have missed some points along the way, but is it enough to call me a liar? In my opinion I don't think so, I thought it was selfish of her to say that, now I could be wrong, so I'll keep an open mind. Also, I had told her that money is a little tight since I'm a full time university student and I pay for everything myself and so it's a little hard to go out with her, and she found that to be a trigger for her to ask for a temporary break up.I have done things in the past that have made me regret it so much. I have bad mouthed her behind her back on MSN once, calling her names like "prissy princess, she's a control freak (at times), she only cares about money and nothing else, and she has no drive for her future". All of these things were said in the heat of the moment, i never meant a single word of it, and I still carry the burden till today of saying those things. It's been 9 months since the incident occurred but my girlfriend just won't let it go. Any reasons why? I'm thinking she wants me to never forget (which I haven't) and so that's why she won't forgive me for it. I don't know, whatever the case since it's happened, I've told her I will change for her. She gave me a second chance, and I think (at least) I proved it to her, I worked hard, I was dead truthful with everything to her. I helped her and did everything I could to respark the relationship and make it as magical as possible. But then once I told her the money issue, she immediately asked for a break, then because I didn't tell about going out with my friends, because I was busy working out, she ended up asking for a temporary break up. She then tells me last night, "deep down inside I really do wanna get back with you, for the most part yes, but something is also telling me to move on. Just these lies makes me wanna push you away and that's why I can't put my trust in you." I'm thinking I only lied to you once that was 9 months ago, after that I haven't lied to you at all, is that not good enough for her?My question is, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Am I being a bad boyfriend? Or am I completely missing the point here? I don't get why she's doing this? I haven't done anything wrong, I've committed and poured my heart and soul into this relationship, am I just too stupid to see the point? She has feelings for me, but she won't show them. Is she being masked about the past? Anyone help please
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a break, broke up, liar, money, move on, msn, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, goodcharlotte4life  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 you are not a bad boyfriend at all, i think she is mad about the money part because maybe she is only wanting your money.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 November 2010):
 Wow. Well, based on what you've typed, it sounds like you're not a bad boyfriend. She *is* trying to control you. Making you account for your entire day and getting pissy if you missed any details. Don't get me wrong, not telling her you met up with your ex at a club would be one of those details you shouldn't miss, or telling her that your money is tight yet buying lots of luxuries or constantly going out clubbing would be contradictory, but honestly, I was also a full-time student at one point, and definitely money is tight. I was up at 5:30am, going to school, and working a job to pay for my food until 11pm or later. I was scrambling for time and money!
I was also engaged at that point. We made do with finding cheap ways to go out. We went to a dollar theater where it cost no more than $5 to do stuff. We would buy our CD's used and make a date out of browsing through each week's selection. We'd go out for ice cream ($1) and talk while walking around a lake. You are doing the right thing.
You already know that bad-mouthing your girlfriend on the internet is a bad move. However, you meant what you said, and still do. Part of her reason for not forgiving you is that your words hit home.
Now for the lying. While I'm not a fan of lying and withholding from a girlfriend, I've seen this pattern about skipping details to avoid a backlash. If someone is harrassing their significant other and nitpicking about their behaviors, it's tempting to be evasive so as to avoid confrontation.
If you have to do that in order to coexist peacably with her, then you are/were in the wrong relationship. You have to be able to be yourself with someone, and lying or omitting things is not a good sign. In your defense, she shouldn't be demanding that you get her implicit approval over your life, and you're allowed to have a bit of fun that doesn't include her, money or no money!
She didn't trust you before the lie. She doesn't trust you, and that's the basis for her breakup. You shouldn't have to be in a relationship where she stores up grievances in order to pummel you with later as it suits her.
Make the breakup permanent, focus on finishing school, learn the lesson about not venting and badmouthing your girlfriend in the future (especially not through the internet), and speak up for yourself. Do not apologize for going out and having some fun.
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