A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 26(F) with my boyfriend 25(M). We haven't been dating a super long time, but we fell in love and got very close very fast. He is wonderful, and I love the shit out of him and would do most anything for him. I can totally picture myself being with him for the long haul.Here's my problem. I simply cannot cum from G-spot stimulation. I have been trying and trying from a very young age, and I just can't make it happen. I have to have clitoral stimulation in addition to G-spot stimulation (or just clitoral) and it has to be in a very particular fashion (I have a hard time reaching orgasm if I can't have my legs stretched out). Anyways, this makes it impossible for me to cum while having sex with my boyfriend. This doesn't necessarily make it less enjoyable for me. I love the visual stimulus I get from watching him have sex with me - he's super sexy and could watch that all day. And I also don't want it to sound like he doesn't give me pleasure - he regularly goes down on me and is very very good at it. He gives me a ton of orgasms, they're just not from penetration. But.....when we have regular P in V sex, I fake my orgasms. He is always very concerned about getting me off, and often won't allow himself to cum until I've "gotten off".Am I doing a bad thing? In my mind - it's absolutely not in any way his fault that I can't reach orgasm from regular intercourse, and he should not be punished for it. It makes him feel good when he makes me orgasm, and I don't feel he should be deprived of that.I need your advice. Am I bad for doing this with him? If so, where do I go from here? I feel like I would crush him if I told him, and I don't want him to suffer for something that is completely out of his control, and that is totally my problem.
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female
reader, Bdavis414  +, writes (6 November 2012):
very few women can actually orgasm from that kind of stimulation. like you said, you still enjoy it. i dont think youre bad but i do think if its bothering you, you might want to tell him. but make sure you include that you still enjoy it, its just hard to cum. and maybe offer him a blowjob afterwards hahaha
A
female
reader, dprvedgrl +, writes (31 October 2012):
 I've noticed only a small handful of women are lucky enough to be with a man who does more than use his penis for pleasure. I guess most men ate shallow and won't do what we do for them like while they are inside you simply rubbing their balls or grabbing the shaft. I'm lucky to get a swipe across my nipples every blue moon.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 October 2012):
 The only one you REALLY cheat by faking orgasms is YOURSELF.
He will NOT try and work harder/better to get you off if he thinks he is "gods gift to women" in the sack already.
Time to find ways where you BOTH can get off.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 October 2012):
 naughty naughty. tell him. he needs to know bc he wants to satisfy you sexually and with u holding info from him you will suffer from that forever cause there is no communication. be honest. he will be upset im sure. his confidence may take a hit too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): One way out of this situation without hurting his feelings is to stop faking, i know its not that simple, but instead, if you are comfortable with him, then during sex perhaps ask him to try something different, get him to play with your clit at the same time. Spice things up, change positions, for example try doggy and get him to reach round and play with your clit. If you orgasm that way, then tell him how amazing it was. Don't say it was better than usual but just that it was amazing, he may catch on and continue to try that rather than just penetration. Either that or you could try playing with yourself during sex. If you can really only orgasm if your legs are stretched out then try a position that will allow both penetration and clitoral stimulation.Last thing you want is to continue to fake it, sex will become very unsatisfying for you eventually, and you'll become sexually frustrated.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 October 2012):
 You are being bad to yourself. Because this way you'll have to bring your secret to the grave with you. Imagine if you do stay together and for some reason- a heated argument, a drunken " confession ", a simple slip of the tongue ...- all this comes out 5 or 10 or 20 years from now. What an idiot your bf will feel, what a blow it will be that he exerted himself so much and tried to do things how ( supposedly ) they work for you, and postponed his orgasm when maybe he did feel like coming... all in change of " stage " moans and sighs. How can he trust you again, how can he not start thinking that , since you are so good at faking and pretending, maybe you are also pretending to love him, or to be faithful, or to actually like his family, to be proud of his work accomplishments etc. etc.
Either that, or lie forever and be content with an only partially good sex life- and with basing your intimacy on a scam. That will gnaw at you , eventually.
OP, it's not his fault, and it 's not your fault, there are no faults here, it's not as if you were some defective piece come out wrong from the assembly line. You do have orgasms, just not during penetration- like a good 30percent , or more ,of all women. You need certain modalities that work for you, stretched legs or whatnot, so ? everybody does, everybody has their triggers or their fun-spoilers.
That's such a female problem, doing something self -defeating just " to be nice " and not be challenging the status quo... I bet that your bf would have no problem in telling you the truth , if , I don't know, when you give him a handjob you'd start pinching and patting and doing strange ineffective motions. I bet he'd stop you ,although kindly, and he'd say : no sorry hun, I can't come this way, the way that works for me is like this and that... let me show you what I need ...And he would be perfectly right, better a moment of awkwardness than a lifetime of ,literally,being rubbed the wrong way :).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): Long story short…
Your not doing him any favors, and you're doing yourself a total disservice.
My wife used to fake, and never thought she could orgasm. When she stopped faking and communicating to me what felt good what spots did it and relaxed and payed no attention to trying to orgasm, she became orgasmatic. It doesn't happen every time, but she does.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 October 2012):
 Of course it's not his "fault" that you can't orgasm from ways that most women find impossible to orgasm from. So why are you punishing him? It's not your fault either and you're also punishing yourself.
Faking orgasms are lose-lose. It is hurtful to him because he is being lied to about something that's quite important, and it is a huge lose for you because now he think that gets you off and will continue to do it. Everything about it is just wrong. The ONLY situation where it's OK is if you are 100% sure you'll never see him again and it's a hookup that you just want to be over. In a long term relationship it's never OK.
There are pretty much no women who can orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Even the women who can orgasm from penetration have it happen from indirect stimulation. And there is a reason most G spot sex toys have an external bit to them, because clitoral stimulation is central to having an orgasm.
It's OK to not get off from absolutely everything. It's OK if only one thing gets you off, that's true for a lot (probably most) women. That's totally OK. In order for you to have a real and honest sex life you both need to be OK with that. My boyfriend and I have tried TONS of things that don't get me off, and that's OK. If you need to have your legs stretched, that's perfectly fine. I personally have my head turned towards the right. I don't know why, but it's just what I need.
I'm not sure what advice to give you from here because you will devastate him if he knows you've faked these orgasms, but you've got to stop. If he keeps trying with things that don't get you there, just say you are enjoying yourself, but don't think you can orgasm that way and want to try something else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): Yeah you are OP. Women somehow seem to get this idea that lying about this kind of thing is okay. Faking an orgasm is a lie like any other and it's not just a 'sparing feelings' type lie, like when we tell you you're not fat, this one has substance and actually matters.
You know exactly what this is, you're very self aware sexually, you know your body really well and you have a partner that would more than understand the truth of the matter, yet you chose to lie instead?
I dump fakers, they're idiots and liars. If it's not working for you then how is pretending it is going to help matters? What other important things do you feel it not necessary to let me know? Maybe it's better I don't know you have contracted AIDs either my feelings may get hurt if I do apparently, extreme but the point is the same.
Now some guys may find it cute that you would fake it, many women think it's somehow a nice thing to do too, but I find it incredibly condescending that any woman would think I'm such a delicate little flower as to be somehow hurt that her body only reacts to certain stimuli when most women can never have an orgasm from intercourse and I'd laugh at the them for being so stupid as to miss out on discovering ways we could adapt intercourse to add that kind of stimulation into it, then I'd go find a woman who knew me better and showed me more respect.
My views are extreme OP and I definitely don't speak for all guys, I just hate fakeness. I want a real relationship, where my partner is open and honest about her needs and doesn't pretend everything is amazing when it's only great.
I have far more respect for the women who actually made me understand that good sex for a woman doesn't need an orgasm during it and let me know it doesn't happen for them during intercourse so I could take my time finishing them off with some after-play the way that they need it done, or even give them an orgasm before we have intercourse.
Plus OP this is not a "problem" it's just a physiological fact, you can orgasm so there's no problem, if he's an idiot that thinks women have to scream and moan during intercourse to satisfy his fragile ego then you're just making that worse by not telling him how a woman's, especially yours, actually works.
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