A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my fiance in the past has been drugged while at a club, drives 1.5 hrs from clubs after drinking.. all i ask when out on girls night out or on our dates is that i get texte,called or snapchatted to know she is home safe . i get: i fell asleep,phone died.. a multitude of reasons why this never occurs.. now she is actually a very trustworthy person and do not distrust her but was accused of being possessive and told to stop being childish...thoughts on both persons please
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 April 2017):
 Has your fiance got a drink problem? Off course you are going to be concerned once she has been drugged once. Honestly driving such a long distance with alcohol in her system is really not a responsible person. Some day she will kill an innocent person on the road and you will then need to worry how prison is treating her. I don't think you are wrong for wanting to know if she is home safe, but drinking and driving will eventually lead to her either killing herself or worse some innocent person.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 April 2017):
 Your fiancé is a grown woman who is capable of calculating risks. And you're her fiancé not her father or her parole officer, so making rules about checking in is controlling, regardless of how well intentioned they may be.
If this is merely a matter of concern for safety, it's worth noting, OP, that as a man, you are far more likely to become the victim of violence than she is.
What do you normally do when she doesn't check in? As I see it, you have two choices. Drive around the neighbourhood like a stalker or lie awake worrying. Neither one ensures her safety and they just lead to resentment on both sides. If she lives with family or a roommate, then presumably they care about her as well and would contact police if she didn't show up after a certain length of time. So, what is there for you to do but keep yourself occupied with something more rewarding?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2017): I guess everyone different but I don't see that's it's over the top to make sure your partner got home safe or to hear from them when they do . Especially if your not living with them and want to kinda hear from them at end of the night . I think it's rude and actually red flags if people don't . I agree that she being kind of shady . Why is She not in touch .. why is she drink driving absolutely terrible . Maybe you should have a guys night out and totally be off text all night . See how she handles that.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 April 2017):
 When was she drugged while at a club?? Who drugged her, and what happened to her when it happened??
Her driving drunk and putting people at risk, or staying out and clubbing until all hours of the night is not good fiance material.
If you were demanding calls every time she gets home from somewhere, I'd think that was overkill, and I still wonder if it's less because of her safety and more to see if she didn't go home with someone else while drunk and at those clubs during ladies' night.
"Being possessive" is an interesting choice of words. When was she drugged? What this before she met you, or afterwards?? Is she still driving home drunk? Does she have a drinking problem beyond social drinking at clubs??
I think it's overkill that you have to account for her whereabouts every time she goes out without you, and if she's this irresponsible that you are worried about where she is after going out clubbing, you two may not be compatible. As it stands now, if the wedding were held tomorrow, could you live with her as she is as your wife?
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (15 April 2017):
If she doesn't want to call you she shouldn't have to, so let it go. You should however have a heart to heart about her drinking after driving.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 April 2017):
 Your fiancee may be trustworthy but she is thoroughly irresponsible and inconsiderate. What would happen if she was in a driving accident after drinking? Whether it was her fault or not, she would be in trouble. What if she killed someone while driving drunk?
And if she cannot understand why you want to make sure she is home safe after this sort of a night out, then I really need to question her commitment to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): I mean there's two sides to every story and maybe she has felt your need for contact excessive to say you're acting possessive. On the otherhand, she's been DRUGGED while out!! So of course you want to know she's safe.
You both need to talk things through with each other. You need to tell her why it's important to you to know she is safe, reminding her that you're naturally worried when previously she has been drugged and something awful could've happened to her. She needs to say what she finds childish. Looking at your age bracket of 41-50 I was surprised, while everyone can live their life however they want it is her behaviour that sounds quite childish. Driving 1.5 hours after drinking is illegal and downright stupid - she could kill someone and would deserve all the time locked up behind bars should that happen. You need to talk to her about the choices she's making, and come to some middle ground.
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