A
female
age
41-50,
*alyda
writes:I meet this guy on internet. He is 37 and I am 29 which is fine by me as long as he take good care of himself. Everything seemed great when we were emailing. We have a lot in common and he is very nice and has many good qualities. His profile says that he is the manager in a food company. So after a few great emails everyday and sometimes twice a day we decided to have a phone conversation which went even better.Here is my problem, he is 37 decided to go back to school and just finished a 4 year degree (still 3 courses to go), started working 5 months ago at a small jerky and meet company where he is the sales and marketing manager. Also he lives with a 26 year old room mate. He is quit intelligent mind you and wants to make more money, but I just feel like despite all of this I still have second thoughts about him being ambitious. My ex fooled me by dreaming big dreams that never came to reality and I ended up being the only bred winner. Never again!!!So we went on a couple of dates with this guy and kissed a lot, but I am not sure if it is because I am horny (nothing for 6 months) or if it is chemistry. Also I keep thinking he is bald and has a big belly (but he is not fat). I don't know what is wrong with me. I just want to meet someone that I won't question. My last boyfriend was lazy, unambitious and took advantage of me. I don't want to meet another one of those. I am very ambitious myself and really want a great life for myself. I need a successful man! Are those rare nowadays? All these guys who rely on women make me sick to be honest. I feel like men are becoming lazy and too comfortable.Ok back to the guy, He is a marketing consultant, has a couple of websites but at 37 shouldn't he be at a stage were he has a successful career, live alone in his house? I thought I liked bald guys, is it him then? I asked him what was one of the things that his past gf complained about and he said not being ambitious enough but he now is ambitious. Is he a late bloomer? Am I shallow and asking too much? I am usually not shallowI want to meet a guy and feel like he is a catch! I don't want to settle. Anyone else out there feel like they can't quit find what they want?I appreciate you advice guys.
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ambition, horny, money, my ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Valyda +, writes (20 July 2009):
Valyda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not with him yet, we have been seeing each other for about a week. You are right about the ex's comment as it made me think. a couple days ago he made another comment about him being the laziest of his siblings. But on the other hand I can't find anything concrete yet. He seems to be doing everything right so far, he has a job that he like and is not happy with just that. He ask and I told him a lazy man would be a deal breaker for me so I will take things slow to see how things go.
Thanks!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): give him the benefit of the doubt for now but if things don't work out the way you want or you start seeing red flags (his ex's comment might be the first one) then find someone you feel is a catch. the thing is, if you don't feel he's a catch then why are you with him? just because you want a man who's ambitious etc doesn't mean that you're asking too much, or that he's bad for not being ambitious it just means that maybe he's not the one for you
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A
female
reader, Valyda +, writes (17 July 2009):
Valyda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ladies, this site is like family! I live away from mine and you guys make me feel like I can get an honest advice just like my sisters or my mom would give me.
After reading your replies I definitely think you are right, I am still scarred by my ex but it doesn't mean this new guy will be like that. I just have to take things slow as you said and give him a chance. Stay positive.
I don't want to be the girl with baggage so I promise to work hard on myself.
Thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Maybe he should be at a stage where he has a successful career, nice house etc but not everyone has the opportunity or drive to do so when they are younger. He's changing his attitude and wants to be better educated, and I think it's a good idea. Better late than never.
Remember that there are more important things than how much money a guy makes. You've only just started dating, so maybe you should decide now if you wanna take the risk of him not being successful, which sounds unlikely as he seems determined now. It's also very hard to get a good job, let alone a good paying job, during these times! Don't let your ex put you off this new guy, I'm sure he's a decent man. Everyone has goals and ambitions, they just may not be at the same level as yours!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): I have to concur with Jason. This guy sounds great. Dating, in my books is a selection process. Any time you date, you are taking a chance. But if you don't date, anyone, and you 'fear' it, based on past experience... you end up with no one. Listen, I am seeing a girl here, meaning you, who has some baggage issues, encumbered by her personal relationship history. Don't allow that to supersede, the fun, happy moments of dating and meeting new and amazing people who can enhance your life.
Try not letting fear take the wheel and steer,here. The only way to live productively is from one's hope, not the fear. Take your time here and just go slow. Ease into it. Look at his situation and really assess what is going on in this guy's life. If this guy is 37 and back in school learning, I would say that's a good move. He's ambitious and he's bettering his life. Hun, there are many people who go through a few career moves to finding what they like best, in their life. A good example is my partner's brother. He was in a career for many, many years and at 50, he quit that job and started up a new business. He's 55 years old now, is happy and a very wealthy man. Success does and can happen to anyone. I'd say give this fellow a chance. Good luck and just be happy. Take this one day at a time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Sounds to me like a very decent and ambitious guy and has a lot going for himself. I haven't seen any red flags or real problems with him...other than he lives with a room mate but isn't that like you said for him to make more money (by saving it)?
In all I don't see any problem with him. So why is this attitude of yours stemming from you? For a bigger part of what you wrote, seems like you haven't adjusted too well from your ex. You are comparing this guy with your ex which isn't a very nice or fair thing to do, considering you've still only just begun dating this new guy.
Well if this guy isn't enough for you, and you are more concerned with the career aspect of the guy, then just keep fishing, I'm sure you will fine one.
Ev
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