A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I allowed to buy a sex toy?I'm in a relationship with a man who has suffered with extreme premature ejaculation for the past two years. He has given up trying to do anything about it even though when he was on medication it was starting to work - he now refuses to take anything or do anything to help the situation. I don't know what more I can do as I've tried to talk to him about it a millian times and he refuses to cooperate. I understand that it is frustrating for him and embarrasing but when I was having issues after giving birth to our child, I repeatedly when back to the doctors until it was sorted out. He used to act like I was pretending to be in pain when actually I was in a lot of pain due to a long tear (inside and out). Now I'm fine and he's not. He won't help himself. He won't help me. I've tried to explain how sexually frustrated I am but he either doesn't care or thinks that I should suffer for some reason. I've asked him if I could buy a Rabbit sex toy as I feel that because we're in a relationship, I need him permission. He acts really offended which I can kind of understand but at the same time I feel like he's being unreasonable and kind of selfish. What do you think? Do I have a right to curb my own sexual frustration until he decides to sort himself out or should we suffer together?I say 'together' although he can last for ages if I give him a hand job but not for a second when he finally gets inside me. Also he think two minutes of rubbing is enough to satisfy me!Please help - am I allowed to but myself a sex toy?
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ejaculation, hand-job, sex toy, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012): He sounds very selfish and as if he doesn't care if you get satisfaction. My boyfriend enjoys me using my sex toys as well as incorporating them into our sex, he thinks it's a complete turn on.
Your husband might feel as if he needs to get himself together when you have gone to using sex toys. It may help your relationship, but if he gets upset about it and doesn't do anything to fix things between you two then I think you both should go to therapy.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Women should be by a sex toy whether the man agrees or not, no man has ownership of your vagina. If you want to use a sex toy because he has a sex problem he refuses to fix, then I would pleased if you do so. He can sit there with his penis problems and you can get yourself a decent orgasm. If he has problems with this then simply remind him, that the doctors and tablets can help and anytime he feels like fixing himself then you can lock the sex toy away. Hopefully it will provide him some inspiration to get off his ass and sort himself out.
Luckily he won't be able to storm out, or run off and have an affair because he won't make a good lover. You however have been very kind, he won't be competing with another man, just a rabbit who won't talk back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Go for it! Heck buy 10!
I can't see why you should stay unsatisfied. As long as you understand he will see the toys as competition - hopefully it will make him understand that he needs to put in more of an effort to please you as well.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Of course you're allowed. If he ever masturbates, then of course you are allowed the same. But the problem here is not about sex toys, it's about his attitude towards you and your sex life. Your husband sounds like a jerk. He won't believe you when you're in pain, he won't listen to you when you have a problem, and he won't talk about it when his problems affect you. You are not a doormat. I think you may need to reconsider whether it is worth staying in this relationship and consider couples therapy.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 March 2012):
 You're entitled to buy yourself a sex toy even if you were having the most amazing daily sex. I've got 3 vibrators myself, and I use them when I'm in relationships as well.
Yes, for your own sake, buy yourself a sex toy. May I recommed the Bullet or the Rabbit?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Yes you are allowed. Not sure why you think you need HIS permission to buy a sex toy. Do you need his permission to have an orgasm too?
I use my shower massager… it’s perfect and I have the option every time I shower. I also have a cute little Pocket Rocket (about the size of a very large lipstick) and my fingers work well too… I do not need my man’s permission or presence to have an orgasm. I get my kisses and cuddles and love from him.
I’m concerned that you think you need permission to buy one….
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2012):
 You have my permission to go buy the sex toy and as far as I'm concerned you can use it with or without him. When you tell him that you would enjoy more stimulation, how does he respond? If he ignores it and carries on, does his thing then rolls over and falls asleep, um, well, you have a selfish man on your hands. Or one who is so angry that he can't bring himself to make love to you.
Have you considered some counseling or sex therapy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): You are how old and think you have to ask his permission? So you gave over your free will to him? Then its your own doing because who does that?
I say this is not a healthy, functioning relationship and the man sounds SELFISH and INSENSITIVE let alone petulant.
Go head to counselling ASAP. Maybe some insight into your own decision making will be revealed as why you two are even together in the first place.
Bring up the sex and sex toy dilema there. Because as it stands, this man has a head issue with penetrative sex and little self control and nothing else.
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