A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship with this guy at the age of 16.We used to go to highscool together.Later we went to the same college.Somehow it couldnt work between us . We kept coming up with things to quarrel about.I always felt that he did not give me the attention or emotional support that i was entitled to.At about the same time i met another guy who was 3 years older than me.He had just completed his education and started a job.I became his friend , confiding each and everything to him about my relationship.He was a great listener , and i found myself drawn closer and closer to him..he told me that i had made a childhood blunder and that i should come out of my situation....a few months passed and this guy told me he had fallen in love with me..I impulsively responded that i loved him too... and i began this underground relationship with this guy while the 1st guy did not know anything about it...Now 6 yrs have passed , and i havent for once , had the courage to tell the 1st guy about the 2nd one.The 2nd one thinks i am not in contact with the 1st one , which is also not true. I have been sailing in 2 boats and that makes me immensely guilty.I am confused about my own feelings.I told my parents about the 2 nd guy and now we are getting married after 6 months.He is a really nice guy , and anything a woman could ever wish for. He would do simply anything for me , except to part from me!The strange thing is that i keep remembering the Ist guy all the time , even though now we hardly contact each other.The 1st guy still says he loves me , and that he was too young to understand me before and now he is willing to make a new start.And now i wish i could go back to him.I keep craving for him all the time , his touch , his kiss etc. I keep remembering the 1st guy even when the 2nd guy touches me.I dont know who i am actually in love iwth.I have tried my best but i cannot get over the 1st guy. I also know that if i ever were to go back to the 1ST one , i will have to compromise alot , and suffer alot , as his nature is so different from mine.However , with the 2nd guy , i know i will have an easy comfortable life and a very loving relationship .I am so confused.Am i in love with someone else and marrying someone else? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): They say its always greener on the other side but it never is. I think you are drawn to the mystery and the "what if's" of the 1st guy but you can't base your life solely on that as dreams and fantasies don't often work out. You have a good relationship with the 2nd guy and i would recommend staying with him - okay, maybe you just need to slow things down with him and sort your head/feelings out but i do think the 2nd guy is a better choice for you. Please don't throw away what you have for what might be - just give it time as things have a way of working themselves out. Don't be rash either - ya know, fools rush where angels fear to tread. I hope it all goes okay for you chicky x
A
male
reader, ravi09  +, writes (16 September 2009):
yes really second one will be best for you......
first one will not be reliable for the long way
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A
male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 You say you impulsively told the guy you loved him (#2) and from the tone of your letter, your heart is not in it and therefore you should give this more time to search your feelings before getting married. Call off the wedding and tell the guy you need time to sort your emotions out. If he won't give it to you, then leave this and move on. #2 needs to realizeIf you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it is yours. If it doesn't, then it never was. Then take this time to get with the other guy and see how things work out. Whether to tell him all that is bothering you is something that you must weigh "what does it expose of you." #2 will probably confront #1 anyway, so you would probably want to be prepared for this confrontation. Perhaps you just need to get this out of your system in order to move on. Perhaps #1 is your true love forever. Perhaps neither #1 or #2 is and this becomes my point. You need to sort out your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 There is allure in the unknown. You could be fantasizing about "Guy #1" because you think he is off limits and because you have an upcoming marriage.This is a decision you need to make for yourself, but I would always choose the loving and stable relationship over the one where I would have to give up a lot of myself to keep the peace.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I know your situation all too well. I married the second guy and have always regretted going for security over some one I passionately loved. Think about who would rather wake up to in 50 years and definetly don't rush into getting married until you are %100 sure you won't regret it later.
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