A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thanks!Am I with a Narcissist? He was so charming, sweet, made soooo many promises to me, gave me compliments, told me he loved me a lot. Then it started becoming about him. He changed jobs 5x In 3 yrs his reasoning? His bosses were idiots and he was unable to work for them. His hair needs to look a certain way if its an inch too long he freaks. If he gets a pimple he becomes angry and acts like its all over his face meanwhile its one little pimple. He's jealous, possessive yet he can do as he likes. Go out spend all his $ on himself then cry and say sorry baby now I need some of your money for my rent, food, bills etc. I recently ended up in the emergency he drove me there and he started texting where r u? Meanwhile he drove me there. Then suggested I'm taking too long. He didn't care or ask if I was ok. I asked him to please fill out my meds as the doctor stated I needed them I was broke due to giving him most of my $ and when he got paid he went out and spent all his $ again. When I had surgery a couple years back he stated he couldn't be there as he needed to count inventory and no one can do it as good as him. I've graduated a course with honours and he says "I'm so proud of you for doing your LITTLE course with honours"! We used to live together but I moved out cause he was being nice and then moody and it was too much on my emotions. He had to know all my account passwords yet he divulged only one of his(which he has more) when he spends his money he will make me feel badly stating oh now I'm behind in this or that to wheel me in to help him pay. Our anniversary he went and spent 1900.00 on himself and sent me a text saying "Happy Anniversary I love you" when I said omg how could u be so selfish and not even take me out on our anniversary he pretended to feel badly saying he's a "schmuck" and he's so sorry with tears in his eyes. He tells lies a lot and leaves me confused about what's true what's not. He's called me another womens name and said sorry baby I mis-spelled I was half asleep when I texted that womens name to you. He will pretend he's sleeping at 6pm yet he's gone out here and there. I will say to him its "highly odd you'd pass out 3-4 times per month at 6pm. He then becomes defensive and can argue for hours on end. Leaving me feeling exhausted and him feeling recharged. I've asked him to seek help and get this under control he says he will talk to his doctor today for the 1st step. Is this even worth waiting around for to see if change is possible?
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anniversary, I love you, jealous, money, moved out, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): This person is completely and utterly taking you for a ride and has absolutely no sense of loyalty. He sounds totally immature and highly manipulative. But you, on the other hand, seem surprisingly willing to keep going along with it?All I can think is that you must inwardly think very badly of yourself if you believe that this is even remotely acceptable behaviour from him.You had surgery and he couldn't come because he was busy doing the inventory so couldn't come? This is mindblowingly bad. Please get out of this relationship. No IT IS NOT WORTH WAITING AROUND TO SEE IF CHANGE IS POSSIBLE. The best thing would be for you to get professional help from a therapist to see why you have put up with this behaviour for so long.I'm honestly stunned.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): He may not be a textbook narcissist, but he is definitely manipulative, selfish, and doesn't care about your feelings. He's jealous and seems to think of you mainly as an alternate source of funds when his money runs out. Other than your first paragraph you don't mention a single positive thing about him (and that was how he acted in the beginning.) Why exactly are you still with him? He's shown you his stripes -- the charm at the beginning was just to get you hooked, and now you know what he's really like. He isn't going to change back, because that was just an act. He will just keep taking and taking everything you offer him until you have nothing left.It's painful to make the break, but you will be so much better off without him in the long run. If you haven't already changed all your passwords, do it now (and don't tell him the new ones!)
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (2 November 2011):
Please re-read what you have posted. If it is all true...if this is how he is...you don't have a loving relationship. There is nothing to save. He does not care about you and he will not change. Begin a new life without him.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (2 November 2011):
What? Why do you want to be with him after all this? It's doesn't have to be so crazy or complicated. Promise.
Maybe it's time to sever ties.
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