A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am not a perfect person and i dont believe anyone is. But i do think i should be better than this. Im only just starting to see how much of a nasty selfish person i am. What i want to know is am i as bad as i think i am. Is there no hope for me to have a normal happy relationship. (For the purpouse of this post ive used names but they are fake names to keep there identity privit) I started dating girls when i was about 12. I was in school and started going out with this girl who i was with on and off for 18 months. I lost my viginity when i was 13 to this girl (we'll call her sam). We got up to lots of stuff never used condoms and were lucky. However she told her parents and thats when our relationship became purely vocal. We spent time on the phone we built a strang bond that was to stay with us for years to come. Sam was a troubled girl and would often write me letters in blood or poetry depicting how she would kill everyone who stood in the way of us beeing together. we swapped letters every day. In the mean time i was becomming more and more irratated with the idea of having a beautiful girlfriend who i could never see and we couldn't have sex or anything so i was not a happy bunny. This is when i met my best friend (we'll call him tom) we did drugs smoked all the time watched porn and got drunk. It wasn't very long before i had my first gay encounter. Thins became a regular thing so i was not having an afair as a 13 year old teenager. After telling sam i was sleeping with tom we decided that it wasn't a problem and it actually made things more exciting. this went on for about six months before we broke it off as tom had not got a gilfriend. they wern't together very long as she liked the idea of me more. We kissed and tom and i had an argument and then the day after had sex. again tom and myself broke it off and put it down to exprimenting towards the end of the relationship with sam i met another guy (we'll call him john) john and i had sex on and off. through out the next 5 years. I finally broke up with Sam when i was about 14 i was single for a week till i met a girl. We courted for a month and we started going out (We'll Call her Emma) a month into the relationship we started having sex again without condoms again we were lucky enough not to end up with a little one. Eventually we started useing condoms. In the first 6 months of this relationship i had had sex with her infront of one of her close male friends and gave oral sex to the same friend later when she decided to go out one day. I also started 2 timing with Sam. I was now juggling two relationships over the next 18 months i got engaged to Emma slept with Tom often Also slept with John and was seeing Sam although with didnt really have sex as we were still not really alloud to see eachother. Eventually Sam was came of age when she was 16 she was aloud to see me when ever she wanted and so we started having a full blowen afair. I stoped seeing Tom and John and eventually broke up with Emma to be with Sam. By the time i had left school i had slept with two guys and two girls. I was going out with Sam and no body else it was all clean and above board. it lasted about 3 months. I met an old pirmary school friend who i had known since i was only 8. We met up a couple of times before we started dating. (we'll call her Kelly) We decided that we should be together so i left Sam and she left cut her strings also. we were together for some time before Sam came back on the seen. No one had seen her for at least a year. We met as friends and im happy to say it stayed that way. After 18 months me and Kelly got engaged and planned to marry a few short years later. Sam dissapeard every now and then phoning and dropping buy to say hello. It was all working nicely 2 years into my relationship i had a breakdown and was unwell for some time. Our relationship hit the rocks and i changed as a person (as im told) while recovering i met another girl we had met before at a party and we began to get to know each other Kelly made very little atempt to be friends with my new friend (we'll call her Joe) there had been femalre friends before joe but my partner Kelly had told me to get rid of them as they were all bad news and only wanted to break us up. This time for me was different i wanted to keep hold of this friend and make the friendship work as my relationship was hard work. Me and Joe got on very well and over then next year we got very close often we would have arguments because she thought i wanted to be more than just friends and if im honest with my self i didnt know if i did or i didnt. Kelly was very angry all the time as so many people thought i was having an afair. However one day something rather strange happened one of Kelly's Ex's had started going out with a young girl (whom was around 17 at this time i was 20) so Kelly decided it a good idea to meet up and have drinks. This happened a few times un till me and Kelly's ex's partner (we'll call her karen)decided to meet up with our our others. We went for a coffee and then for drink and talked over the internet alot. We also argued a fair bit. after a few weeks we met up and i was unfairfull for the first time in 3 years. it only happened once and then karen was no more we made our promises not to talk to other parties and that was that. Some months later as Me and Joe we getting closer there came a point for some reason where i kissed this wounderful friend that i made and tired so hard to keep as just a friend. Me and my partner went on a break once i had told her what happenend and i then tried to persue Joe we did kiss a few times but although she seem tempted she was a far stonger will person than i and didnt not fall for my charms as the only thing on her mind was that i was not single. I got back together with my partner and after a while of not speaking to my friend Joe we made up much to the discust of my partner Kelly. However another bomb shell was to come back to hunt me down. I recived a phone call from an old friend. Sam, after i calmed down and we talked for a while she explained that she went away because she had become pregnant with my child. She went away and while she was up north she lost the baby and had taken the time to recover before telling me. This was a large blow for me However she had told me she was pregnant before just didnt tell me it was mine. I never heard from her again. After i got back with my partner Kelly i started to get to know her best friend (we'll call her Kim) she had not long lsot a baby and i thought that i could talk to her. we spent some time together talking about my relationship with Kelly and about myself. over then next 6 months we formed a bond and i told her all of my deepest darkest secrets she seemed to know how to make me feel better and soon after started helping me with the house work and cleaning which is something i had always struggled with while living alone. One day we went for a drink and we spoke about think i shall not dicuss as thay are not for me to mention. All i shall say is we each laid out self bair that day. We were truley done there was nothing she didnt know about me and i had the same feeling. i had told her about my loss and we had talked and bonded. This christmass came and it had been a year since i started creating excuses for why i was still with my current partner Kelly. Me and kim went for a christmass drink and had a little too much one thing lead to another and we told eachother how much we cared about eachother and i told her i felt very close to her and she felt the smae needless to say we ended up back at mine in bed and we had sex. Its been aprox 3 weeks since this happend. I'll ask you the question i asked you at the begining of all of this. Having read all of this. Is there any hope for me can i be in a normal relationship with out being nasty and selfish and thinking of myself am i a monster?
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a break, best friend, broke up, christmas, condom, drugs, drunk, engaged, got back together, oral sex, porn, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (2 January 2010):
 its human nature to make mistakes but how you fix them defines you as a person. you need to stop sleeping around and sort your life out/ you dont seem stable with yourself which you need to be to have a relationship work. also you didnt mention too much about sam and this baby issue have you tried to find out whats going on ? if you a have a child its your responsibilty! needless to say your careless about sex im suprised you dont have 5 children by now/ you need a wake up call your not a kid anymore who made bad choices your an adult now making bad choices / you need to grow up a little/ you can be as near as perfect if you choose to be but your stuck in a rut/ you need to work on your friendship as those will help you through the bad times not just when you need a booty call/ i would say your not a monster at all you just need to clean out the closet make a new start get yourself sorted out find friends you can rely on and move on and love of god use condoms and try and be faifthful it isnt hard.. hope this helps all the best aphex
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): You're not a monster. You're not very mature, but you're not a monster. Just the fact you'd be worried about that says you aren't. You're young and I understand how you maybe are afraid of a real commitment and/or of actually just being with one person for the rest of your life. But I think whatever you're going through, and I can't tell you what that is just from a post, it is probably too much drama to be healthy and it also probably has something to do with some kind of fear or issue you actually have with yourself which can probably more than likely be overcome whenever you are ready to overcome it.
For instance, an abuse of alcohol or drugs also says to me that there is an underlying personal issue, something you are trying to run from. And you need to face that to have peace with yourself.
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