| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Am I a horrible person for having lied?My ex broke up with me yesterday. It was because I came clean about some stuff after I had lied to him some other times before. It involved my past. I hid a lot of things about my past. According to most people, my past isn't bad. But my ex was very judgemental of me, so when I noticed that he reacted to it badly, I started lying. He was mean when he found out about stuff he didn't like... so I lied, to avoid all that conflict (especially regarding matters from the past, when I was single, and not my present with him).Am I horrible for this? I've must've lied like 4 times. He says yesterday was the final straw. He was just a very jealous man concerning my past. I feel awful. I feel like a terrible person who does not deserve to be loved. I bet he hates me now, and is going to move on so quickly, and he's gonna get a fab new girlfriend, to whom he'll tell just what an awful person I am. In a few weeks his b-day is coming, and I don't know how to feel about it, as I wanted to plan a special, surprise party with his friends. Today we were going to hang out all day, and tomorrow is Saturday, and Saturdays were our special days, reserved only for us to hang out and do fun stuff together... we had a band, today we were going to rehearse... we like the same music, and every song reminds me of him...I feel like I'll never get the love I deserve, the love I want. He made me so happy, and now I lost him.I feel so sad :(
View related questions:
broke up, jealous, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Thank goodness we are not comprised wholly by what we DO, but by WHO we are.
You are a human BEING, not a human DOING. The lies are not great, never are. Lying sucks no matter the context. Once you lie, that lie will perpeutate itself.
But the lies themselves will not make you a bad person.
In situation ethics, a person who lies and does not care is the bad person as they clearly lack morals.
Coming clean from a lie is a very brave move as invariably, the person to whom you have lied will likely react the same way your bf did and abandon you. In time he may forgive, but his reaction is honest and understandable.
You are not rotten for lying, you are great for finally telling the truth.
I admire you because you risked and lost, but gained your own soul.
Stop lying.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): actually i feel like a horrible person. i told a lady at the store today that she was rude for being on the phone and cutting in front of me without even being aware of it. i rudely told her that since she was already there to go ahead and then i heckled her for continuing to be on the phone. she then told me that i should put a smile on my face and that i must be a very unhappy person. i guess i am. then when she was in the parking lot, i heckled her again for continuing to be on the phone while standing in the parking lot, not even unloading her stuff to her car. she then called me a bitch and then told the person on the phone that she was dealing with a lunitic. then i left and walked to my car. then another lady came driving by telling me how rude i was. i then stated she didn't even know the whole situation. then she said, so what she cut you off. i told her she didn't know everything and then she kept saying how rude i was. then i told her that she was doing the same thing to me. she kept saying something, i kept saying she was doing the same thing and then she called me a whore. i then broke down in to tears as i finished loading my son and stuff into the car and sobbed as i drove off. i guess i am a horrible person and am unhappy. i don't know how to fix it. i guess it stems from my relationship not being the best right now. it's not horrible but we can't even carry on a real conversation, it's all surface level.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 The more fab the girl is , the more fab her history will be.LOL!
People used to say , the more beautiful and perfect a girl is , the more toxic she is.
The more fab a girl is , the more they will reject him because , he does not come anywhere near them.
What goes around , comes around or Karma.
If a man does not love you anymore,it is the end.
Even if you can promise him the whole world,
it would still be a stinking world for him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2008):
In life, one can never be always truthful like God.
We are not God and we are imperfect.
If we keep only telling the truth ,
then we will not have many friends..LOL!
If I let you peek into my brain,
I am sure you will not agree with me and you may even want
to kill me for those thoughts..LOL!
My thoughts are private and hence they are not for your eyes or ears.
What comes out could be sugar coated or only half truths and white lies.
Why do some people lie?
They have their reasons and you can Google that question for the detailed answers online.
Don't ask for perfections or be idealistic .
For what you can think and what you can do are two completely different things.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): It is never a good idea to lie; never! When you do, and the more times you do, your credibility disapears and the trust vanishes.
Relationships cannot survive on lies.
You are worthy of being loved, but you must change your ways. Trust cannot be built on lies. How will a person know how you feel about them, if your always lying?
Stop the lying, no one will put up with lies over time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 May 2008):
If he loves you, he would not mind if you tell 100 lies.
But if there is no more love, everything you do is a sin.
When there is love, everything is perfect.
He is not the one for you.
Move on .Close this chapter in your life.
You are just a normal human being.
Don't be too harsh on yourself and do forgive yourself for those lies.
To err is only human.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Hi, I've seen you post before.
I think I remember he got upset about some stupid little unimportant things that you done before you knew him. If I can remember rightly I told you something like.
WHO DIED AND MADE HIM GOD. WHAT GIVES HIM THE RIGHT TO JUDGE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU EVEN KNEW HIM.
Not a good sign honey. He's looking for the virgin Mary, a woman without flaws, born a produced pure as snow. That woman aint you and she sure isn't me or 99% of womankind. You love him, of course you do, and you want him. But you can't make him happy.
Of course it's your own fault. Why didn't you lock yourself in a box and wait until he came to get you. I'm glad he left, I hope he never comes back, cause I just met a guy and told him all about you and your secrets and your past. He told me he's gonna find you cause your the woman he's always been looking for. Get strong baby, keep yourself pretty and get educated, cause my friend (knight on a white horse) is riding your way right now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): Stacy, he was mad because she lied to him about what she told him about the past, and he became angered ... wouldn't you? So he is not allowed to be mad? And if he does, that gives her a right to lie again? I'll bet you didn't even consider his anger was a release from the pain he just felt. Doesn't he have a right to his feelings? Just because others may not like it, doesn't mean he has to hide his feelings. You can't always have your way princess when it is at the expense of others! What she did, and even your response is immature and one sided.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 I'll never figure out why so many young people feel the need to have true confession time about their pasts. Sometimes I wonder if it is subconscious sabotage of the current relationship.
Honey, I don't know what you did in your past but if it was before your current relationship and it isn't contagious, then you should just keep it to yourself. Tell alls just shoot yourself in the foot and hurt the other person. As you see now, confessing did nothing positive for you or for him.
In the future, keep past details to yourself. No man wants to hear his current girlfriend had orgies or whatever.
Oh and if someone asks you nosy personal questions about your past and you don't want to answer, just smile and say why would you ask me something like that, and let it go.
xo
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 I disagree with the previous poster. It is not ideal to lie but the guy judged you and made you feel terrible for the truth! I don't feel you are in the wrong, your ex is. So he is the great guy while you are the one who is terrible because you didn't want to feel ashamed for things you have done before you even met the guy?! The dude is immature and insecure to say the least. I understand not wanting to be lied to but he wouldn't have been if he didn't act like a prick when you told him the truth. You are not immature, ignore the last poster. It was very rude. And you even tried to come clean about the lies so it isn't like you lie all the time and love doing it... you just wanted to be honest and not be judged for things you have done. It is not much of his business what you did in the past and to get mad over it is ridiculous. Be thankful you are rid of this loser and get a guy who will love you for who you are exactly, you will get the love you deserve that you didn't get from him. I would feel sorry for his next girlfriend if I were you. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): So you came clean about some lies you told him about your past? Not good. When he didn't take this well, you went back to lying to him? Not good at all.
You said "According to most people, my past isn't bad", so who is more important, these other people or your mate that you will protect and fight the world for?
As a man, he wants respect and honesty, not a birthday party put on by you. This would appear to him as superficial on your part, a mockery, patronizing. I understand girls like to get all giddy over things, that the feel they have a right to change there mine on a wime, but when you play with a man's heart, you will loose respect quickly from him. I think he might be out of your league.
And why do you say "I feel like I'll never get the love I deserve, the love I want. He made me so happy, and now I lost him." after the episode you put on him? Don't you have any remorse but to try and get pity? Very immature! You need to grow up.
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 You don't say what you have done so bad in the past, to make this guy want to be so judgemental. I don't think he is Ideal boyfriend material if he makes you feel bad about yourself concerning your past.
I guess you lied to him to spare his feelings..... well to hell with his feelings, he should get over whatever happened to you and not be such a wimp.
Find a guy who will take you warts and all and not let things like your past bother him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Hi
You haven't really said what you lied about to him so it's quite difficult for us to give you advice - you don't have to be that specific - but you need to let us know the areas about which you lied really
...............................
|
