A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone here's my problem I met a man at the beginning of the year I like him a lot we started having sex and I found myself getting strong feelings for him but he stopped bothering with me for weeks and weeks so I thought he wasn't interested anyway he came round yesterday and asked what my plans for the night were so I told him I had a lad friend coming round he didn't believe me and started asking me if I'd slept with him so I told him no cos I haven't and he looked so hurt and he told me he did like me and that he was going to start taking me out and treating me like a proper girlfriend he had been in a long term relationship and it hit him pretty hard when they split that was a year and a half ago they split he told me he doesn't want me to meet anyone else does this sound like he wants to be with me properly or am I being stupid for waiting around he has also admitted that he should of been treating me better thannk you for any answers in advance x Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 What Cindy said... agree to it but make him show you in actions that he means it and it's not a line for getting laid.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Let it play out and by all means do what Cindy said, DO NOT have sex until the proof is in the pudding.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 I think it's fishy still. Ok, so he said he wanted to talk to you about getting serious. Great. But he's not talked to you for weeks and weeks prior to this. You haven't even dated, he had sex with you and then ignored you. Then he suddenly comes around again and wants you to be there at his beck and call. He didn't start talking about being in a relationship with you, did he? He just asked about what you are doing that evening, while a serious person would actually ASK YOU OUT and ask for a day where it would be ok. Because the norm isn't that women sit around the house all day long waiting for HIM, the norm is women have a life of their own and go out and do things. So why did this surprise him so? What's it to him if you've slept with another man or not, and whats up with him accusing you for it, almost as if he's accusing you of cheating? You aren't in a relationship, and if I were you I'd ask him how many women he's slept with in the weeks and weeks that he ignored you. I close to assure he's been sleeping around. Which is why he assumed you also did, hence the accusation. And then he tries to GUILT you actually, this man sure has some nerve. He tries to make YOU feel guilty for even talking to another man, and had you slept with him he'd sure have made you feel guilty for it. He wants you to feel guilty for things he's most likely been doing himself = sleeping with other people, dating other women (despite that not being what you have done). So what he's saying, sort of, is that "I hope you didn't sleep with anyone else while I was busy ignoring you and having sex with other women, because I was thinking of maybe getting serious about you". There's just so many wrong things about this. I also don't doubt that the real reason he called that evening to check if you were free was not to "talk about a relationship". Why would you want to discuss a relationship with a woman you've ignored for weeks and weeks? You don't. This was a booty call. He just wanted sex, just like he's gotten casual sex from you before. He got jealous when he heard about the other guy, and wants to be the only man to poke you with his penis, so he spins you this "getting serious" story so you will be his only. He doesn't want you to meet anyone else.. while he doesn't want to stop himself from being single. Does that ring a bell? He's having sex with other women.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 He says he wants to be with you properly and he may be perfectly sincere. But, a bit of prudence does not hurt.
I am not a big fan of " I am going to do X and Y... ", I like much better " I AM doing X and Y ". Also because people are always fast to promise anything, when they want something from you.
So let him prove himself to you. Let him actually take you out on dates, contact you regularly, introduce you to his friends, etc. BEFORE you resume your sexual intimacy. And no this is not playing games, you can be upfront and tell him that you need to trust him and see that you are in an actual relationship, before acting as if you were.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 November 2011):
 He came round to your house and told you he wants you to be his girlfriend - how much clearer do you need him to be?!
There is nothing more for me to add - he admitted he had been treating you badly and now he wants to take the relationship seriously and be boyfriend & girlfriend. I think you should believe him, he has told you how he feels and he has been upfront and honest with you, there is nothing more to say on the matter!
If you still dont believe him then just clarify the next time you see him that you are now exclusive (i.e. neither of you are seeing anyone else) and you are officially in a relationahip.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
|
