A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I had an affair which has subsequently culminated in the end of my marriage. My lover attempted to leave his wife several times during our affair but never quite found the strength. He finished our relationship around the same time my marriage broke up. However he came back some 5 months later claiming he still loved me. We had another affair which lasted 5 months and he tried to end it again. I was angry and told his wife! He stayed with his wife and did not speak to me for months. This all happened a year ago and we have since both apologised for our wrong-doings, him for being so selfish and me for ringing his wife. I still love him. He replies to any email I send which is friendly and always stops in street to talk. However when I ask him if he is happy he never answers. I can't move on as I know in my heart he was the love of my life.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): I have read all your comments and taken them on board. I just wanted to hear people tell me how it is.that i AM A FOOL. Just hard some days to forget even though it was horrible and sneaky most of the time i just loved being with him and miss him., life sucks and its my fault for getting involved i Know I know. thanks anyway learnt my lesson.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): I agree with the other postings. You need to wonder why you have such feelings for this man, whom you never had as a proper relationship.
How many people say "he is the love of my life" MOST.
I think you need to consider what it takes, how little you receive from this man as being the thing which suddenly means he is for you. You two have had plenty of time to work out if your relationship is going to happen. It hasn't. You have to realise that if he wanted you he has had many opportunities to decide this.
He won't tell you he is happy in his relationship verbally. he still wants to be the victim. He's a weak, married man who had an affair and didn't leave his wife.
Simple as that. Move on. Get over it. You dind't get the result you where after so you need to live with it, in the same way his wife needs to live with her husbands indiscretions. You where and indiscretion!
Think of it like a job interview, you were not the best candidate and someone else got the job!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Oh so sorry, but how can anyone be the love of your life, when they don't feel the same, he is clearly with the love of his life his wife,she keeps drawing him back, it is called L-O-V-E pure and simple. He had the chance to stay with you, he chose not to, his wife must still Love him to try to work things out, I think for men who have self-esteem issues in their marriage, have these affairs wondering if the wife actually love them.. and when the spouse takes them back this is such a comfort for them, that they truly feel loved by the person who really matters to them....Sorry you left your husband, you should of kept your legs closed.
P.S.
I hope your ex husband finds a nice woman who doesn't decide to cheat on him. Since the poor guy didn't marry the love of his life..
This is Karma, Baby, and it is a "Bitch!"
GOOD LUCK.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Look - you've both cheated. How much pain have you two brought onto other people? His wife. Your husband. His kids. I'm sure there has been so much crying and heartache.
Maybe he compares his wife's loyalty to yours and realises where he is better of. Maybe he loves you a little more than her. Who knows? It doesn't matter. It's over. He's made his choice. There's been enough hurt, don't cause any more. Move forward with your life now.
Good luck, Richard
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Hi,
your lover sounds weak. I bet he wasn't expecting you to call his wife that time , I would put money on it that he's promised her that it's all over . Although you shouldn't have rung his wife, in a way it showed him how being a cheating rat can come back and haunt you.
Every time I see these posts I look at the woman in my office, early 50's she had an affair for over 20 years to a married man, he eventually dumped her now she is just a bitter and twisted woman.
You are still young enough to meet someone else and have a fulfilling life, take your chance while it's still here.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Don't wait around for married people. Having an afair in the first place is wrong. Let me ask you something. When you enter into any sort of physical or mental relatioship with a married person. Even if they leave their wife for you, you began the relationship in a deceitful way. What's to say if he was with you, he wouldn't be sneaking off to see someone else?
I think you need to find someone who isn't married, that's free to be with you, without commitments holding him back.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 A love affair with a married man has no endings. You can have his body but not his heart.It is sweet at first but bitter to the end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): thank you. I just need someone to spell it out. I wish he would tell me he is happy and has made the right decision by choosing to stay with his wife. Then I know I could move on. But for as long as I think he is only there for the children (one of his children has a mental disability) I wander if he still loves me too. either way i guess I should leave him be.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): Get over him. If he loves you like he really says he does,then he would have no problem leaving his wife. Plus there would have never been a 5 month seperation in your affair.Also, if he didn't have the strength to leave his wife the first go round, by you calling the wife (which was wrong) brought the affair to light and this was his chance to leave his wife....he did not take the chance, because you are just some ass on the side. I wish you luck in your future relationships.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (5 February 2008):
I hate to say this but he is not good enough for you. You deserve to be the centre of someone's universe while he is clearly still more committed to his wife than anyone else.
You will have to get over it and maybe you need to put some distance between you so that you can heal emotionally before you speak or meet again.
The experience you had with your own marriage tells you first hand of the pain that can result. You need time to heal. A year or two without a strong emotional relationship will not do you any harm and will give you a chance to deal with your own baggage from the past. Then when an opportunity is presented to form a new relationship with someone who is free to do so, you will get so much more out of it.
Good luck
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