A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:As, I think it is relevant for the whole story let me give you a bit of an intro about myself first. I am very reserved and shy person and so far have never had a serious relationship, even if there were several opportunities. I consider myself as being generous, caring, a bit of a romantic person, very loyal, good listener. On the other hand, and not just when girls are concerned, I am awful at making good first impressions and usually it is after a while that people start to really know me. About 2 years ago I started my current job, which was where I met her. In the first year we were hardly noticing each other. So, about a year ago she asked for my help regarding one work related issue, which is when we caught each other’s eyes. Very soon I started having crash on her. What I found very amassing was that it wasn’t initiated by physical appearance and I could see that, even if she was quite social, she wasn’t very open person as well. As we started to spend more time with each other at work found to like her dedication, persistence, independence, her honest look and her smile. I wanted to get closer to her, so I started hanging out much more with same group of people as she. Indirectly she gave me more confidence, I became much more social, actually started doing things that just several months before would have been unimaginable to me, like learning how to ski from scratch. (as she is a very good skier and a sports person in general)However sometime at the end of the last year I noticed she had affection for another colleague. As she was also a bit reserved she didn’t show that so openly, but I could see that in her eyes every time she would see him. I was quite skinny and he was a very masculine, sporty person, physically her type. It was then when I decided to make a distance and lay low to see what would happen between them. The New Year’s holidays had passed and it seemed as if they had not gotten much closer to each other. My plan was to simply get her attention again by getting to know her even better and spending more and more time with her. Our “relationship” progressed step by step.I would send her a cute SMS every now and then. We started having these childish games where we would pick on each other’s flaws. We had become so close that we started having solo coffees almost every afternoon. I found out us both liked classical music very much. I noticed that my presence made her happy and some of my random actions made her smile. Whenever there wasn’t a strictly work related project to be done she would want us to do it together. I tried to be there for her with whatever problems she had (mostly work and boss related) and she appreciated my opinion and honesty. However there was very little personal information I could get from her and it would always be me asking specifically for them every now and then. The other way around didn’t happen very often. Even with this huge “progress” I am not sure she would see me as a potential partner, but just a friend. I still noticed her occasional affection for the other colleague. (it turned out he didn’t have such strong interest in her) Sometimes I think that if he had wanted her I wouldn’t have been in any of her equations.My issue is I’ve become completely torn with this. I started having mood swings, i.e. when I thought she was ignoring me I would become quite depressed. It is very hard for me to imagine her ending up with someone else, let alone someone from work. I’ve always believed that having faith is the most important thing and in this case it means that to win someone’s hearth you need to show that person your kindness and be there for her during longer period of time and it will happen eventually. Now I am not sure anymore. Am I just fooling myself and how long should I wait for her to notice me in a different way? Most of all my intentions regarding her are nothing but completely honest and pure. If I had more signs that she would say yes I would have asked her out long time ago. I am not sure how we would be able to be friends again if she would refuse me. It is not as if I wouldn’t see her ever again. How can I help myself as now, after one year, this is really starting to affect my everyday life. I think I need a dose of brutal honesty regarding this one…Thank You!Lonely Romantic
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at work, confidence, depressed, notice me, period, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (15 September 2012):
 The only thing you can do is talk to her. Find out whether there would be something other wise you'll be in limbo land thinking what if? Did she like me? Could we have been?
Well don't think of those ask her and find out so you can finally move on once and for all if the answer is no she just sees you as a friend.
You can't force someone to see you in a different light if she sees you as a good friend then stay a good friend to her don't let it be a bad thing if she does reject you make the rejection make you a stronger person and become more confident in yourself. She probably liked that guy because he was a confident guy and i'm sure if you show her the amount you've got to offer also she'll realise the great person you are.
Try talking with her first she may be oblivious to the fact you like her or want to be with her.
Hope this helps.
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