A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in need of some advise.I am confused and dont know whether i am just a worry wort or a commitment phobic? My boyf and I were together 4 years before i broke it off for one year. I didn't feel our relationship was going anywhere, and felt we needed a break. We got back together 4 months ago, and have recently signed up for a place together (1 year on the lease). I should be excited, but truth is, i am panicking as to whether or not i am doing the right thing. Since getting back together, he has been trying his best to make things work out between us, however, i am just not feeling a spark other than friendship between us. I want to give it time to see whether or not something will grow again, however our sex life is non-existent, as i just can not seem to get myself interested when we are together.Today i found out a man whom i have had a crush on for two years (but never ever perused, due to being shy) likes me. The truth is, when i found out, my heart sank, i felt gutted that i didnt have the chance to pursue this opportunity. Feeling this way made me feel awful to my current boyfriend, as i should be feeling flattered, then thankful that i have such a kind and caring boyfriend who is now making the effort that i always wanted in our relationship. Please help me, i dont know whether or not i should move in with him and wait and see, or whether i should end it now and just be single again. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 December 2008):
So are you saying you are getting back with him because he's a great mate and he wanted to?
If there is no spark and you don't feel any better about him then why get back together with him?
Some relationships have a sell by date, and 3 to 4 years is the average for that.
If you do not feel the same way about him as he does about you then you are only going to hurt him more in the long run.
It's going to be horrible but I think you are going to have to dump him and move on at some point.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): Now he wants to work in the relationship? Too little too late. I think this is the right moment to repent of what you have done and forget about living with your BF and/or get back with him. It's clear to me you are not interested in pursuing this relationship anymore but only as friends. Stop acting as if you were married and obligated to stay with him because you are not.
Don't feel guilty, you had also tried your best to make things work again but they aren't working. I really doubt your BF would want you to be with him out of pity or thankfulness.
Sometimes we broke up with our partners just to keep wondering what would have been if we were still together or if he changed this or that. I'm sure you had a great relationship with him because you had to had it for it to last four years, but don't get confused, he might be trying his best now but chemistry is gone. You've grown apart and the best thing you can do is to break the news to him ASAP.
You are still young and you made a lot of growing up while you were in the first relationship with him and all this last year without him. People change, now you may have different views and needs of many things you didn't know of five years ago when you got involved with him. Now you might be in another phase of your life where sadly he doesn't fit in. But it doesn't mean he is not someone significant in your life. I think it's time for you to meet more stimulating people who share your goals and interests.
I think you need to close this chapter with this guy for good and be single for another while, to get to know yourself a little better.
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