A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:before we started dating my junior year he used to talk to lots of girls but there was this other girl who basically caught all his attention. the 3 months tat we dated..i lost it...to him then 2 months later he transferred bak to the same skool tat i and tat girl goes to. he would always b staring at her and she would stare at him. everyday wen they past by each other he would look at her and i would get so mad/insecure..i know that he had feelings for her..but than y did he date me if he did??? of course i was already insecure b4 dating him bcuz i knew he harbored lots of feelings for her..i was so insecure that i hated her..she hated me as well becuz i took one of her boys away.**she dated another guy tat she had on the side bcuz she blamed me for takin my bf away frm her. it makes me feel like he only dated me bcuz tat girl has other guys on the side. (aniwaiz on with the story) i would ask him everyday "y r u staring at her? just tell me if u still have feelings for her...im willing to let u go to her" he would always deny it and i dont know why but i still dated him. her bday is a couple of days after mines, after my bday..every morning and night he would ask me "hey wat should i get her? i feel like i should still get her something" everyday he would ask. of course these kinds of things (staring and worryin bout her) would make me insecure..so i peck kissed one of my x..and we broke up but he took me bak..at first i wasnt sure y i kissed him but i figured out that i was bcuz i felt tat he only given attention to tat girl and he didnt caare for me as much as he did that girl. the staring the vibe tat they wanted to talk to each other was gettin to me so bad i started becoming angry. i wouldnt leet him go out wit his friends bcuz i felt like they helped him with gettin wit her. we would argue and end up in big fights but we somehow always make up..when he graduated we were dating for about a year. i would have this feel that he would always check up on her myspace to see wat she was doin.. and this one time..for his name (myspace) he put "wen i see u smile it makes my day" and tat was in one of box that she made him. ** she made him lots of things. such as a box of hand drawn pictures of them..she made stars and each of them where ritten in wit her feelings..she would rite to him everyday on letters and he kept them all even until today. this one time i caught him chatting wit her and messaging wit her. i told myself to let it go they r friends. but then again i couldnt let it go bcuz i knew that even i was dating him for 1 year he still doesnt see her as a friend and she obviously still likes him (pictures of him on her pg). during that whole year and a half we argued everyday about her and he would always deny it. i dont know when but as time passed i told myself to just believe that he doesnt like her anymore. our relationship got better. but every time we argue i would bring her up and he would get so mad. now its been 2years 3months and we r long distance relationship. its hard on me bcuz i feel like i need to constantly know what he is up to..like i would want him to call me every 2 hours are so. i think reasons why i want him to call is bcuz he does weed which im against drugs..and tat he would secretly chat wit tat girlcouple of nites ago he broke up with me bcuz he says that i was a b**** bcuz i would always put him down and accuse him of stuff. i noe i do that but i feel like its becuz of wat he did in hi skool that i dont give him too much space. i put him down bcuz i am a name caller. i call everybody "stupid" in a jokeing way but he gets hurt by it. i tried to stop but wen we argue it comes out. so tat nite somehow tat girl was brought up again. i said something like "yea its bcuz im not nice and sweet like her huh? bcuz im lazy and shes not rite?"he says "yea sure"i said "i knew that u still liked her tats y the 1yr 1/2 i didnt trust u"he said "wow tat long u didnt trust me? yea so wat?? i did like her wen we were dating?! yea i stared at her everyday during our hi skool year!! yea it brought bak memories of her wen i see/saw her..it brought bak feelings!"i was hurt so i asked "so y did u take my virginity away if u still liked another girl? how can u take something so important away from me wen all u every did was think about her?"he was quiet..then apologized and contradicts himself by saying "i dont know y i was staring her.sorry"i told him "its fine ill let it go ill b the bigger person and let everything go..u can leave me alone now..please dont call me anymore and ill try really hard not to call u"even after tat we r together now but im more insecure than ever...knowing he liked her for tat long and that i was right that he liked her while dating me......................................................................................................today he said he said something tat gave me the impression tat tat girl was more important than me so i read his old messages him and tat girl rote..how he would always say stuff like "wen ever u need me call me..i?u" and stuff like tat....he got really mad and said that i was a leech..a psycho...bcuz i read through his messages..he says "i dont care about that b****" so i asked if u dont care than y do u get mad if i read thru the messages? so now im wondering if i am a clingy girlfriend??does this make any sense to anyone??i noe its a long story but i feel insecure and clingy but its bcuz i believe she was more important than me to him...some1 help!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sarah:) +, writes (30 November 2009):
 Just back off for a while. I'm not saying breakup with him, just try to give him a little space. You're not being clingy, just insecure, and I don't blame you at all. But I don't think he would be with you for as long as he has been if him and the other girl had feelings for each other.
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