A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have recently been dumped by my boyfriend of three years and I'm relieved about it as he didn't treat me very well and did some things that were awful by anyone's standards. But I'm having a bit of a freak out thinking I will always just give people chances when they don't deserve it. I really don't want to get in to another relationship for a very long time, I am worried about starting again with another guy and ending up being the same way and just forgiving people for doing the most ridiculous things to me. The problem is that I would rather put rusty nails in my eyes than have a boyfriend at the moment but I still would like to have sex. I have been in long term relationships my whole life, the longest being 8 years, I have never felt this way before and I'm looking forward to being single.I guess my question is am I a bad person for now just wanting to have casual sex? I think it's easier for a man to want that and go out and do it, but for women there's the risk of people slut shaming them.The last few months being with my boyfriend he went off sex with me and I ended up feeling lonely where I barely saw him. We used to have a great and passionate sex life and I don't really get why he stopped enjoying it. But I miss being intimate with a man. I never cheated or thought about straying but now I'm single I just want to start having a sex life again.I don't want to be celibate while I'm single, I've always thought of sex to be a really intimate thing that's quite special. I also think you only have really great sex after sleeping with somebody a few times and you know exactly what the other wants. But I just can't deal with the thought of being in a relationship right now.Have any other women on here gotten into casual sex, was it a good experience or did it all go badly wrong! I just want fun at this time of my life, I really enjoy a good sex life and I think I'd be miserable being celibate! Maybe I'm thinking about things too much but I would like to read some opinions on all of this. Plus what do men think of women who just want casual sex?
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a break, celibate, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2016): People don't need to explain their choice to anyone if they decide to get a big ugly tattoo on their face. But if you elect to do that, please don't blame other people for not being attracted to it down the road.
Higher numbers of lifetime sex partners does correlate with shorter lasting marriages. The pattern is much clearer for women than men. Men's distaste for settling down with formerly promiscuous women does have a very logical basis.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (27 February 2016):
 Of course not. Casual sex doesn't have to mean lots of different partners, instead just one or two with a no strings attached policy. Unless you are going to run around telling every Tom, Dick and Harry about your sexual rendezvous then I wouldn't be at all concerned with the whole slut shaming thing. What do men think about women who just want casual sex? Well Im not a man but my take on it is who cares? It shouldn't matter what they think because that is the beauty of the whole casual sex thing. It is what it is. At the end of the day, you do what ever you feel is ok for you. There is no need to feel as though you need to be explaining your choices to anyone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2016): Most men don't think its wrong for a woman to sleep around casually. But for a lot of men it's just a turnoff. It's unattractive.Men always get accused of having a double standard, but even that is not as true as women usually think. The average man is far less promiscuous than women believe. For women, offering sex without commitment will attract more attractive men who would be out of your league in other circumstances. Remember this when you get tired of sleeping around and go back to looking for a relationship in the future. It may seem like there are no men left on earth who want to commit to a woman anymore. That means you are probably still looking too far above your league.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 February 2016):
 I felt that way when I was 28-30 and had a full year of casual sex experience and that's all I needed. I've been with quite a few characters, and learned their life stories and how they ended up in a casual dating site. If that's what you want now, go for it. It would be good if you are not in a small town and nobody knows about you, because the "talk of the town" can ruin your future dating experience. You have to be discreet and trust that your partner is single and does not share his stories with anyone. Better strangers than friends in your existing circle. Once you hear that a man's still married, then that's when you have to drop him. Also, when one of you feels clingy, that's time to let go too. To protect your health, both condoms and birth control pills please.
Men think of women who's had casual sex as not worthy of wife material. First, there is that biological imperative that a woman has to be chaste so that if she gets pregnant there won't be doubts that he's the father. Second it has to do with his ego, his ability to attract women. Usually they are those who had bad experience with women. Like the women only got with bad boys for wild sex and then when they want to settle down they choose someone comfortable, perhaps, less attractive. Some don't even want sex with that comfortable guy. That's the reason they feel jealousy.
If you want to experience casual sex now, make sure when you want to date again you have a full year of being single. It gives you the time to wean off all the sexual energies and to prepare your heart to love again.
You are not a bad person but you have to look out for "nice guys" who feel that you do not have a "good moral compass" for doing something that they are never able to do. It's much harder for men to seek casual sex than women.
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