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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I hate to be in situation like this. I have a very close female friend whom I work with. We are both working overseas actually. Yesterday we had an argument coz she said she was disappointed with me for not defending her as much as she needs as her boyfriend broke up with her for suspecting her to be seeing his friend. Ofcourse this is not true as I know she loves the bf so much. Well the twist really is, she is married in our home country. Her husband i always see she is chatting with on the net along with her 2 beautiful daughters. She said to me that the relationship with her husband is doomed but her photos from vacation seemed to say the opposite. I have a feeling she is lying to me to justify her affairs here. She is back in her lovers arms after a 3-day begging for him to reconsider. He is actually her 2nd bf here while married to her husband there. And just yesterday, she expressed her disappointment in me that i didn't defend her well.I really don't know what to say to her. I honestly don't feel right to be helping her with this. Whenever she breaks up with these lovers (the 1st one and now this..) she forces me to call them to explain and reconsider her. Both of these guys know she is married and both are enjoying to stay with her at her home like they own the house. The first one left her because he said to me that he realized it was wrong to be with her as she is still married. She was so devastated by this but after a couple of months she met this current lover and now..history repeats itself. They break, make-up, break..i do the patching up sometimes.Now she is mad at me for not trying my best to defend her. To be honest I am so tired to be involved in this situation. How do I get myself out of this situaion? How can i help her realize that what she is doing is wrong? She is in her early thirties.I tried to explain to her before and ask her if she thinks her kids will be proud of what she is doing once they learn. It doesn't work. I am her friend but it doesn't mean I have to consent to her affairs of infidelity. I am the only one she turns to whenever she has this love affair problems. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): You are giving her mixed messages, on the one hand saying you approve, and then getting involved in patching things up etc. If you disapprove, then tell her you are not going to get in between her and any of the men, and stick to what you said. Let her sort her own problems out. If she is your friend she shouldn't expect you to do something you feel so uncomfortable with.
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I like what you said "history repeats itself", it's true that it repeat itself, not just for your friend but at a global scale.
It's alright for you not to approve, it's also alright for you not to take part in it. In a way, when you defend her, you encourage her to continue.
You can't control her however, it does look like a bad decision, but it might be a good one for her.
If it's obvious to you that it's a mistake on her part, don't help her out, let her make her mistakes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): just be straight and tell her, i am your friend and therefore i will tell you the truthI do not approve of what your doing, if your marriage is doomed deal with itdo not involve yourself with any activities invovling the boyfriends but continue to support he as a friend in all other waysif she doesn't wnat to be friends becasue of it she was never really a true friend to begin with
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