A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The majority of my girl friends have boyfriends, when we get together and go out or go on a trip as one big group we have a good time. Lately 2 of my friends and myself have noticed that some of the boyfriends (not all at once/sametime) but always complement me on how I dress/look/my personality, they also find lil Excuises to "bump" into me either on the dance floor or anywhere, they also seem to somehow end up near me with out my friends (their gf).My friends who have noticed thus say that they are jealous of me for getting that attention, and that I should tell the boys to stop and tell their girlfriends what their men have been doing.My questions are, how do I go about it and handle the situation? would or am I considered a bad friend, for getting that kind of attention? Even tho I'm not doing anything wrong ... HELP!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): As a guy that regularly socialises with a fairly large group of friends I don't think you need to worry about this at all.
In the past I've often made an effort to make my wife's single girlfriends feel welcome and make sure they are never just stood alone.
I think there may be a little self-flattering going on here. These guys are probably just being kind. We guys know that it can sometimes be hard for a single girl when all her friends are happy with boyfriends or partners and so we try to make her feel more included in the group.
I don't mean for this to sound too blunt but I've always gone out of my way to make my wife's single friends happy and entertained especially if they are not what I would term as attractive. My wife has never in the years we've been together been bothered by this, probably because she's not worried about it.
Again to put it bluntly, women know when their guys are flirting. If you girlfriends haven't either pulled you aside and talked to you about it or excluded you from social events you can be pretty sure that they aren't worried about it... their guys aren't flirting or coming on to you they are just being nice guys....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): If they are doing it as a group they're probably just being friendly or courteous. If they are going out of their way to give you attention then you're doing something to provoke them. Don't tell the girlfriends because they don't want to hear that from you. Don't go out with the boyfriends alone because you should know better and they are otherwise committed. Even if they are showing you attention it might not be the kind that you think it is. Find your own boyfriend and stop feeding off the attention of unavailable ones.They don't just "end up" with you, without their girlfriend. You didn't "stumble upon" them, you're making the choice to go be with them too. It sounds like you need a reality check, and don't be so innocent about it. You're "bumping" into them just as much as they are "bumping" into you.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (23 August 2010):
 It has long been said that, "All is fair in love and war." (Loosely attributed to a 16th century English poet, John Lily, or something). As long as you are simply being your pretty, cute and/or happy self, then you are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Even if you chase a friend's guy and win, it's technically fair, but some things called "character" and "honor" may be in play. Personally, but as a man, there were times years ago that a friend's gal hit me up, but I always turned them away if my friendship with her boyfriend or husband was sincere. Some of my "friends" were not so honorable about MY girlfriends, I later learned. It's a real jungle out there, but you can honorably be yourself and there is no need to apologize for that.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 August 2010):
The only way to handle it is to not acknowledge it. Don't react to their compliments other than a curt thank you and ignore the bumps. Once you're giving that "off limits" vibe, they should back off.
If they don't back off and the behavior is becoming less subtle, tell them that they should focus on their girlfriends instead. Tell them they're not making a great case for themselves if one single girl distracts them that easily.
Do not tell the girlfriends themselves, because the guys will just give some easy excuse and then you'll be the bad guy "who's trying to drive us apart". You don't want to open that can of worms, period. This is NOT your problem, so don't make it yours.
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