A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am I too controlling?I've been married for a little over two years. My husband and I are both in our mid-twenties. Every couple of weeks, he has to travel out of town for work on the weekend and stays overnight sometimes - depending on the distance. I'm fine with that. I know he is where he says he is. But in the past few months, he's been staying more places overnight. For instance, one night, he stayed at a buddy's house who lives 10 minutes away from us. He claimed he was not upset with me, but just wanted to drink with his friend. I offered to pick him up when he was done drinking, but he insisted on staying the night. He does this with another friend who lives about 25 minutes away sometimes too. Also, sometimes he'll want to go meet some of his out of town friends and hang out and stay the night with them all. I understand when he does it for work, but when he does it at least once a month just for fun, it bothers me. I tell him I don't understand why he wants to stay the night away and he said he should be able to do what he wants, without me questioning him, because he is his own person and I am just too controlling, blah blah blah. Also, he says I'm nagging and too controlling when I ask him to wear his wedding ring or to tell me where he is if he goes out at night. I have to be at work at 7:30 every morning so I get a bit cranky if he comes to bed at 5 or later. Once again, I'm too controlling. Am I too controlling or am I just being an idiot and missing the bigger picture? I really don't think he's cheating on me, but all of this is driving me crazy and making me feel like I'm being ridiculous. Someone, please, help...
View related questions:
at work, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): your hubby has all the answers doesn't he. how SURE are you that he is not cheating, after all you are not present at his overnighters.
controlling, hell no. if you were you would have gotten his balls into a tight knit by now. he is taking advantage of your leniency.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I don't think you are being too controlling. But the way you are handling him may not be working for you.
I think his behavior of spending the night with friends to drink is very suspect. I think he wants to act as if he is single and he may be actually partaking in hard drugs and hiding it from you.
I don't like the sounds of it and I think it is totally unacceptable behavior even for a single man.
I think you need to stand up to him. Next time he does it, calmly meet him in the hallway with a packed bag and tell him you are going to be spending the week with xxx and let to let you know when and if he wants to be a husband instead of a drunken teenager....and then stick to your guns. Leave him if he won't respect your feelings on this. Do you really want a husband like this who will leave you on your own for no good reason when the children start coming?
He is giving you a line of bullshit and this is not your fault....the guy is behaving like a moron...sorry.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy best friend (and only friend, really) lives a block away, but that would be the first or second place he would check and he'd see my car outside. It's a good idea though. I've asked him why he won't wear the ring. He says he takes it off after the gym and forgets to put it back on. Well last time he took it off was at least a month ago and even though I tell him it bothers me when he doesn't wear it, he still won't put it back on...
Thanks for your input.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): I think everything but not wearing his wedding ring is borderline ok. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to wear it? Also have you got a nearby girlfriend's house you can go stay at one night when you don't have to get up for work in the morning? Just tell him you're going out with some friends and will stay with them and see how controlling and nagging he gets. I'm sure it will drive him nuts and he'll think, once again, that you're the one being unreasonable. I don't think you're being controlling - there's nothing wrong with wanting to know what your husband is doing in the middle of the night!
...............................
|
