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female
age
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anonymous
writes:I seem to be a failure in everything I do try. I realise it cant be everyone else's fault all the time it has to be me, I dont know where I go wrong. I was brought up in children's homes with no family, my marriage failed, every time I joined a job becasue I was looking for friends they often behind my back didnt like it but it was ok for them they had family outside. I KNOW thats not their fault or concern BUt where does that leave me? Ive ried evening classes and one lady said look we have our own life and friends. I didnt ask them out etc but I suppose they sensed I was lonely.I've tried charity shop work and its helped but it has not made me friends.I can understand everyone having their own lives and not wanting to be part of my life - I do not go in like a bull at a gate drawn into my net But how do I make new friends?? People who want to meet up sometimes, go for a coffee etc I lost my job recently not becasue of that - loads of people are losing jobs but please how can I get more into my life?It seems all my life I have always been on the outside of any group any clique. I am NOT saying it cant be my faut but what can I do? I need more friends! I try to be a good friend when I can but it always back firesThanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (5 March 2010):
A brilliant networking site is connectingsingles.com. There are a lot of sexy lonely widowers in their 50's and 60's just waiting for someone caring to come along. Register your profile and put up a really nice pic. But remember to try to be positive because its difficult to be attracted to someone who hates themselves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): Everything you've said here shows that you're having a very difficult time adjusting to what life throws at you, because you've had such an unfair and terrible start and upbringing in life. You haven't had the luxury of good parenting and the same chances as most people in the world. Some people come from that type of background without a problem, but many, many others come out with nothing but problems. You blame your lack of being able to maintain a job on yourself, and lack of friends on yourself, and other things on yourself, and call yourself a failure. You're not a failure, and you're better off having no friends than friends that don't deserve you or treat you poorly. Listen to good music, not depressing music. This will help boost your positive energy and emotions, and help release the negative emotions. Go seek councelling, because your past seems to be seriously affecting your life today, so it's really good that you shared your background. You sound like you're alot nicer than most people, as a friend, so try not being excessively nice to friends you meet, other than just getting together. People aren't worth being too nice to, because then they figure they can walk all over you or treat you as badly as they want. Please go to a councellor and tell them everything you said in here. Life is very hard on some people, so they just need more direction and help than others. It's very unfortunate, but just keep on doing what you can each day, and don't give up. You're a very good person who was dealt a horrible deck of cards, in life, so you need to keep your head up and never let people treat you badly. Take care of yourself and be assertive with the jobs. You deserve to be happy in life, and you're the complete opposite of a failure. Do you read the bible at all? That can seriously make you feel alot better, just by reading little parts of it here and there, each day, and give you a way better view of yourself and outlook on life. Good luck and quit blaming yourself. Your self esteem has been seriously battered in life, but you can get help for that. Give that to yourself, because when yourself esteem starts to change, everything else will change for the better, as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks
That is a very positive response and will take it all on board
Cheers
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (5 March 2010):
I would encourage you by saying there are many people like you. You are not alone. The difficulty with meeting people who have their own lives already is that they may find your interactions too clingy. Like you end up wanting to meet them too much or you end up calling too much which other people find overwhelming. So they pull away. My advice is that you try and make friends online in chatrooms or lonely dating sites or friends sites. Even then, don't overwhelm your new friends with hundreds of emails about your life story before you have gotten to know them. Just try to be sensitive and slowly build relationships with them. Perhaps you can make friends with someone in another country as an online friend then another person in your city who you can meet later if there is chemistry. I don't know you so I apologize if I'm being presumptious, but your life growing up may indicate some rejection issues. How do you deal with feelings of abandonment? You mentor somebody else going through what you went through. Try volunteering at the home where you grew up or one nearby. Another brilliant place to find people even lonelier that you, are old age homes. Most people there have absolutely nobody to talk to, they feel abandoned and would welcome a regular friend to pop in once in a while for tea or a card game or just a walk in the garden. So try volunteer there; I used to volunteer in one (my mum was a nurse in one so she made me) and was shocked that they too have feelings just like everybody else but their families just won't make time for them. All the best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): Hello there, Sorry to hear that you feel like an outsider. One of the things that I have to say is that if you feel like an outsider people will pick up on that and its not something that is considered an attractive quality. The best thing to do is to throw yourself into hobbies, evening classes or anything that gets you out of the house and mixing with lots of other people. I know its hard but there really is not other way to go about making friends.It does seem like everywhere you go people are already in groups but you just have to plough on and keep trying until you form a little group of your own. I hope this helps.
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reader, BettyBoup +, writes (5 March 2010):
 I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I'm quite a shy person so I know how lonely it can feel when you feel you don't have any friends and when you are a new person or an outsider. I think people who are settled socially and have a good group of friends can forget that.Try to look at the positives in your life. There must have been nice people who were good friends at some point in your life?Try to get to know people for who they are. Instead of meeting/talking to people with the intention of making them your friend, just have fun and get to know them. Live in the moment and just have a laugh with people. Good humour always breaks down barriers. You can't force or make friends instantly. Friendships grow naturally from a shared interest or personality.Perhaps talk to a councillor about this issue as they may be able to go into depth with you about the reasons you feel like this. They could help you change your approach or way of thinking. Also a life coach would be very helpful for you I think. They give you stratergies to help you move forward in your life, rather than going over the negatives. They help you think of ways to change your life to give you the life you really want to be living :)It will take time to change things and make real, good friends. Take it day by day and try not to get too disheartened :) Remember you're not alone.
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