A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i started the whole f.w.b. with a guy i had a crush on. at first we went on quite a few dates before we had sex, but soon after it was obvious he wasn't looking for a relationship. in fact as far as i know he's never been the relationship type with any girls he's dated. but because i hadn't slept w/anyone in over a year before him i continued to do it cuz sex is a big deal to me and didn't want to sleep w/anyone else. i though it could just be a sex thing but i was wrong. anytime we would hook up it wasn't like a midnight booty call. we would hang out for 5-6 hours talking and watching tv before getting to the sex and some nights we just hung out without sex. this made me like him more! everything was going good for a while but now it's awful. though we weren't committed i told him i wouldn't sleep w/anyone else as long as we're sleeping together and same for him. last week i saw him w/another girl and i heard some girl saying she slept with him. i called him on it and asked why he lied about that, he denied it. but he knew i was mad cuz he knows i sleep with no one but him, yet he did nothing to fix it, he didn't care. since then we haven't talked really at all. i know this is probably the end but for some reason i'm heartbroken. we had this fling for 8 months and he couldn't care less apparently. what can i do to let him go? i never act this way w/any guy, he brings out the "needy and "clingy" in me and that's not who i am at all. i know i need to let him go but i don't want to. please help?
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (23 February 2010):
Oh honey, I'm sorry. I know it hurts and it is hard when you have someone on your brain to get them off. I'm glad though that you found where your boundaries are and know now not to do this again. The reason FWB and guys like this are so dangerous IS because it's human nature to want what we can't have. You said he's really not a good guy, so focus on how things would be if you did "win" him... he still wouldn't be a good guy and you'd be stuck dealing with all his issues. If you stop daydreaming and focus on that and focus on really loving yourself I think you will find he will start to fade.
Also my GF's always say the best way to forget a man... is with another man! So get out there and start dating again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all, and i agree with everything you all said. i too know that the fwb is not a good idea, i think i was just trying to fool myself into thinking i could handle it. i know that i need to forget about him and move on but that's the problem...i can't! i don't know what this hold is that he has on me but as pathetic as this makes me i actually fell hard for him. and i really don't know why because he's definitely not a great guy! i ended a 4 year relationship with a man that i was engaged to and didn't take that nearly as hard as this! i never thought i would be this upset over a jerk. so what can you do to get over it? i wish there was a magic pill that made you forget about guys just like that! i really feel pathetic for this but i really am heart broken and i don't know how to get over it. even worse is that i'm so private when it comes to my personal life that i won't even talk to my friends about this. the friends that know about him think he's just a fling and some don't even know he exists. so i can't talk about this with them now...thank god for anonymous sites like these! thank u all again! =)
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (21 February 2010):
Using sex to try to get love rarely works. Which is why FWB usually ends badly.
If you are dating a man you care for and it is obvious he isn't interested in a relationship then you need to protect yourself and move on to a man who is interested in one. It's a harsh lesson I know but maybe be grateful that you've learned it and vow not to make the mistake again since it's not worth the pain. No man is.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 February 2010):
The truth is, you totally fancy him. This is why fwb rarely work. One eventually falls for the other. You've fallen for him, and you're hoping he will fall for you. He won't. And I know that hurts you. He does know you're mad, but because you're a fwb he isn't obligated to fix it. He thinks you should be able to deal with it. Your best bet is to move on. Him not talking to you might be the best thing, even if it's harsh. Find a good guy who loves you.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Hi sweetie, I hope you feel better soon.
This guy probably told you what he thought you wanted to hear at the time so he'd get what he wanted. Then you find out he was lying. I think FWB relationships usually don't work cos someone, usually the girl wants or hopes for more secretly.
You thought cos you were hanging out as well as the sex then you meant more to him. Where men are concerned it's just not the case.
It sounds like you're too nice a girl to be in a sexual relationship that is so casual cos you're feelings got hurt.
There's very few girls that can do it and really not care.
A guy thats really into you won't be interested in some casual arrangement. x
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