A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have just come out a relationship with someone i always knew was capable of being quite vindictive and nasty towards me. When we broke up my fears came true and she treated me terribly. Now the dust has settled and I have had time to see exactly what she did and what she was like i still feel a little shocked. I also feel angry with myself for getting into this situation, but most of all as badly as she treated me I actually quite miss her being around and I feel lost, sad and lonely.I know i should just shrug my shoulders, forget about her and her actions and walk away but i cant seem to shake her off. How do you get over someone who was bad news for you and made you feel unhappy?
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male
reader, aljean  +, writes (17 January 2009):
I can't believe this..................my situation is being repeated by alot of people. RIGHT DOWN TO THE OCD AND DEPRESSION! I was just told today by a friend about the method of thinking about all the times she hurt me whenever i start to miss her, which i may even try tonight. I was also told by my friends at the local bar I hang around at that when I excused myself and went into the bathroom, she started making plays for THEM behind my back....another thing i've got to think about! Best of luck to all of us...............
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): I'm in the exact same posistion and its making me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one, I loved my girlfriend with all my heart and would have done anything for her, her behaviour was erratic to say the least but I just put up with it, turned out she was lying to me and using me the whole way through our relationship and was even cheating and infected me with a STI and then shortly after that finished our relationship over the phone and said that she just wanted to go out and get f***ed !! This crushed me. I loved her so much and to find all this out absolutly crushed me, our relationship was all fake and none of the little things we did together meant a thing to her!!! It's been a month since she ditched me and I've been a mess, I've really hit rock bottom, I've felt suicidal and I've now been put on anti depressants which I hope work and stop my obsessive thinking about her. Despite how horrible she was to me I still miss her and still feel love for her, I'm struggling to turn off those feelings, maybe they'll fade when my depression starts to lift with the pills. One thing with all this is I have learnt some valuble lessons and will be sure to get to really know someone first before I let myself fall for them so hard. I suppose it's all about having love and respect for yourself, I saw the signs, there were red flags all over the place but I was so desperate for her that I brushed over them, this was stupid because those red flags were trying to save me from what I'm suffering now!! My rule for the future is to look after number one and trust and take action when red flags show!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): Made me feel a bit better to read these that I'm not alone. I'm at the end of an abusive relationship of 5 years - I think. I used to be this calm, patient, helpful guy people went to. But I tried to help this bright, attractive young woman at work, and we ended up in a relationship.
When she was good, she was an angel walking on earth - funny, sexy, knowing exactly what to do to make me happy, but she treated her maid and her subordinates awfully badly, and me too, if all did'nt go her way.
After each such incident, she'd make up with wonderful sex, and say that we both had very strong likes and dislikes (which I do), which did cause such situations.
However, I questioned her on her relationship with an old fiance of her, who had recently moved in with her, and she blew up at me, accusing me of of not listening to her, doing my own thing all the time, and of hogging her time. I felt she's cheating in our relationship, and I offered to break up - to which she said "fine if that's what you want". And that's where it's over for a week.
I gave up my job to be with her. But 2 months ago, I lost the new job and had to sell my car, and go through financial hardships because the relationship was driving me nuts, and I could'nt concentrate on my work.
The interesting part - I should feel relieved, but I'm not. I still think about her constantly and wonder why I was'nt smart and helpful enough to manage us, or if she was only using me. I keep hoping and praying she has a good life (she's better off than me now, which was'nt the case earlier).
I'm also scared of all women, including my fiancee whom I broke off with when i started dating this woman. My ex-fiancee spoke to me and wants me to come back - she's a calm, patient, well-organized woman who really cares for me (I think), but I'm not sure of my judgement of women, I'm scared the relationship will start again, and my self-confidence is too low owing to the job loss, and the way things turned out.
I guess I need to see a counsellor and get my head screwed on the right way. Maybe I will, today!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): If its any consolation, i'm in exactly the same boat..i met this woman i'd thought would be my ideal partner, but from the start it was difficult with her, she was always awkward and hard to please..I'd be listening to her and she'd say "you're not listening" i'd be helping her with her work and she'd say "you're not helping" i'd make a nice meal and she'd say "sorry i'm on a diet what oil did you use?", when she called me it was always could i help her with this or that problem shes got.Graduly i adapted and flexed to her ways, it became an abusive relationship with me veying for control by introducing my dark side.I'd feel lonely in the relationship too because she slept so much, laying in till 2pm some saturdays, such a waste, i had absolutely no standing in the relationship at all, everything had to be her way, i was at her beck and call, her personal slave. I wanted a relationship, she kept saying "we're just good friends". In the end i broke up with her after she delivered her final insult to me by asking me to pick her up from a club with another man she met. I was relieved for about a month. Then i began to miss her..i took up a facebook invitation she sent out globally to her friends..like a magnet i was drawn into it..wham she'd already got another boyfriend..now i'm suffering massive heartache and this feeling that i've lost "the one"..and i keep blaming myself for being too stubborn, she wanted a clubbing lifestyle, and i'm a more stay at home guy that enjoys the simple things in life, "boring" if you like..now i too carry this torch for someone that made me unhappy, and am full of anger, jealousy, resentment..i hate the injustice of it all..she treated me like dirt..i dumped her and straight away she gets to move on with her life and mine feels like its come to an end..can't eat, sleep, smoking more, depressed as hell, yearning for her to miraculously call me and beg me to come back..I wanted to "fix" her too, i failed and instead i ended up breaking myself. I fell in love with the illusion of what she could be, and what we could be, but she had no love in her, just a black hole sucking all the energy out of me and everyone around her. I fell in love with this person because i felt so sorry for her being the way she is (she suffers from depression and OCD) and as far as i could tell she has a knack of repelling people, i wanted her to see that theres reward in being nice to people..and there were moments where i thought i was getting through to her.Seeing your message has helped me though, now i don't feel so alone..wish you all the best, i think the advice given is the correct one, though i'm so still stuck in the dissallusion of hope, the hope that we can still "fix" it..I think now though i'm going to fix myself first. Best wishes..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): I feel your pain, friend. Just now going thru the process of healing up after a guy I fell for went from Prince Charming to the Marquis deSade! (LOL)...He treated me with less kindness than anyone I've ever known, and yet I put up with this nonsense for too long because I loved him.One day, I came to the point where you are, wised up and got out. But that sure doesn't stop the pain of missing the good times with that person...or even the bad times.One method I use to help me thru the rough spots is everytime I start to miss him, I make myself remember one of the many times he said or did something awful to me. I remembered the pain he caused...and remember all the reasons I had to leave. That makes it easier.But the best way to get over someone who treated you like dirt is to meet someone new and wonderful who treats you right!!!Once you experience the difference, you'll look back and wonder, "what did I ever see in him/her in the first place?"Good luck on your journey of moving on...it's a hard road, but trust me, relationships like this belong in your rearview mirror.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (11 October 2008):
 I think it's hard for men to admit they sometimes have poor judgement. I'd be willing to bet, most of your friends and family knew she was bad for you. You just couldn't see it until it was too late. I think some men also have a tendency to think they can "fix" a horrible woman,that somehow they have to rescue her and become her "hero" and thus, turn her life into something beautiful. You fell in love with the illusion of what you thought this would could become. If only. Now you are faced with the reality of who she really was-- the person no one could believe you were with in the first place. You cannot let go because you cannot find closure and because you still love her. The sad thing is, you will no doubt carry this mystifying torch for her, into your next relationship and you will fail to see the beautiful, wonderful, caring another woman is, who has fallen in love with you because you are still searching for a way to get the horrible one. My advise is to burn everything you own that brings her memory alive. Burn the photos, the letters, the cards, the gifts, whatever keeps your head tied up in memories should be discarded. It symbollic I know, but it may help rid you of the bad karma she has left you with.
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