A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My problem is that I really hate being alone and feel like life is passing me by. My boyfriend and I broke up 10 months ago and I have been single since. He belittled me and made me feel small and his parting shot was that I was ugly and turned his stomach. Since then, my self esteem has been low. I do have a lot of friends who tell me that what he said wasnt true and I do have a lot to give and that he is a cruel pig. However, I feel uncomfortable in social situations and if guys talk to me or look at me (which isnt very often)it makes me feel uneasy because I think they are not being sincere. All my friends have children and good relationships and that is what I want for myself, but I really don't think that is going to happen for me and I am going to be alone for the rest of my life and never have children. I know it sounds like I'm just feeling sorry for myself but am stuck in this rut. Please can anyone help me?
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female
reader, didda123 +, writes (5 February 2009):
 I was just reading through your replies and i was thinking to myself that your boyfriend more than likely said those horrible things to you deliberately to rock your self-esteem and make you feel unworthy.
I am sure people do this just as a safety net so that if things don't work out they can be sure you won't have picked yourself up so quickly and could rekindle the relationship if they needed to.
I am so happy for you that you have moved on and you are not considering a reconciliation as he is certainly not worth it.
Good luck i'm sure Mr Right is not far away x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there. Was just passing through for the first time in ages and thought I'd provide an update. My bro in law still sees my ex from time to time (they are cousins), and the bro in law thinks the ex now regrets dumping me because he is unhappy, lonely and has only fair-weather friends to keep him company when he has money etc. Knowing he is sad does not made me feel good, but I believe you reap what you sow. I do not want him back after the emotional/mental cruelty he put me through. I am for the first time since we split, healthy, happy and enjoying my life. I am happily single and loving it! Been dating, but don't want a relationship yet until the right person comes along. Thanks everyone for helping me xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou everyone who replied-you gave me sound advice and made me feel better about myself, which is what is needed at the moment. Am starting to see him for the inadequate lowlife he really is and realise his comments weren't made with any thought whatsoever and weren't even made to my face (by text) because he hasn't got the guts/backbone! Am going to take life as it comes and get out there-will let you know how I get on. The help you gave me was invaluable. Thanks again. Love to all xxx
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (13 June 2008):
 Hey there. Beauty comes from within. Sounds like the ex is quite the hogger.
You need to boost your confidence and learn to be comfortable in your shoes. Event he ugliest duckling can walk into a room and command attention because she believes in herself.
And besides, I doubt that you are ugly. You are just reeling from a rude comment intended to take you down. Dust yourself off and never ever give up on yourself. Every social setting is an opportunity to improve your skills. Some will be good, some will not be so good. Just remember that even Cinderella had a few bad days.
Believe in yourself....then everyone else will.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Sometimes things people say cut to the core. And it takes time to see that many times the comments are made just to stick the knife in or hurt us - particularly as we separate in relationships.
He is wrong babe!! And what he wanted to do was leave you feeling shitty. Think about how in a way rediculous his attempts are or were. Lets face it - if (silly) but if he was right - why was he with you?? See it for what it is.
Equally you have hit the nail on the head about what it has done, attacked your self esteem. And because you have seen this about yourself then you can do something about it, for yourself.
All of us at times in our life a rocked to the core, wobble from impact that others cause. It takes time to get our strength up again to function successfully and happily, when we see that we are okay and will be okay in the end.
Do something nice for yourself, maybe make yourself over! Continue with seeing your great friends and also see that this man is was not worth it and by the sounds of things has to look in the mirror himself before he critisies others.
I can say once this happened to me. I was guttered. But now, I still know of the man who made the hurtful comments, and he is bald, fat, has 4 children to different women, aged hugely, had a heartattack at 40, has had more disfunctional relationships that most on this website combined etc, etc. Now who looks like the ugly one who turns others stomachs.
I am a great believer that what comes around goes around. a great believer in treating others as you wish to be treated. So honey, stop worrying about his parting dig, pick yourself up and embrace life and what the future holds.
You do have a future and it should not be dictated to by someone who may end up just like the one who took the dig at me! I now feel sorry for him, and have watched over 25 years him ending up constantly screwing his and others lives up. The thing which helped me through was knowing I didn't have to live with his thoughts or opinions at all.
It's your choice to keep the effect and power he had over
you.
It is not about feeling sorry for yourself, but understanding that you don;t have to feel this way any longer!
Think about all your good and valuable qualities, think about all your friends and family. They are the ones who matter - not someone who would wish you to feel this way.
Only consider or take on board opinions about you from people who are worth your respect and consideration.
I guarantee if you think about who he was and is, he was not worth your respect. So why should he dictate your self esteem don't give him that power.
All the best, you'll be fine!! xxxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Cheer up and forget about your ex.There is someone out there for everybody but how are you ever going to find him if you're in hiding.
One day soon you'll know what I mean
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): just to boost your confidence - he obviously doesn't think you are ugly, otherwise he wouldn't have chosen to go out with you to begin with. he obviously only said it to hurt your feelings coe he was hurt/angry (or whatever) people do that when angry cos they are cruel, but mostly because they ARE human - unfortunately we sometimes, on occasion, seek to hurt those we love)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I have a lot of empathy with you.
I would love to help you, but you are the only one that can help yourself to get out of this almost "mild" depression.
I can suggest certain things to you, that might help if yu try.
There is no reason you should remind yourself of the owrds of your ex; he said it probably in anger or out of frustration; whatever...ignore....he is not the judge! Your friends are all positive towards you; why not be positive towards yourself?
Do me a favour; go stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself, I mean look at yourself, study yourself, and then: tell yourself loud ....."i love this face....I love this body....I AM HAPPY WITH MYSELF"
say that loud numerous times at least twenty....do that every day....try that for a week and see how different you will feel.
Good luck!
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