A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend are going to a club for Halloween, and obviously the place is gonna be full of skantily clad, but for the most part hot girls. I know he doesn't want me to dress like that, and out of respect for him (and for myself as well, although I do have more..revealing clothes, I don't like leaving nothing to the imagination) I'm wearing something thats fairly skin tight but not too 'sexy' or cleavage showing. I do feel it's a bit unfair though; he gets too gawk at all the hot chicks all night while ensuring that I won't be as noticeable to other guys. I'm unfortunately a jealous person, something I have tried to really improve on, but I need suggestions on getting over this jealously without making a big deal. I'd say I'm fairly attractive, sporty body and for the most part alright except my stomach which I'm really self-conscious about. And seeing dozens of perfect-bodied half-naked girls is gonna do nothing to make me feel better about myself.I just need advice on gaining confidence, or a way to discuss this with him... although I'd rather not... or something to make this night more fun instead of confidence-destroying.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I agree with kc 100... wear whatever YOU want to and feel comfortable in. Don't do it to deliberately draw attention, do it because you're an individual and your boyfriend does not control you or what you wear.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Simple - wear what YOU want and what makes YOU feel good! As soon as you start dressing for a man, or wearing what he has told you to wear, then you are being controlled and you are never going to have any confidence.
Now I am not saying go out dressed in next to nothing like all these other girls, but if you want to wear something a bit more exciting to make you feel good next to all these other girls - then do it! You are your own person, you are responsible for how you feel - therefore you have to do what YOU want in order to make yourself feel good. It is irrelevant what your boyfriend thinks, if he loves you and is attracted to you (and as long as you are not taking the piss by wearing something tacky and very revealing) then he should be happy as long as you are happy - which means in the clothes you want to wear!
I have a boyfriend but have never ever worn anything to please him - I buy the clothes I like, and wear what I like. He accepts that I have my own style and that I wear what makes me feel good. Yes there are occasions when I have something low cut on when he gives me a look and I can tell he is not entirely happy about it, but I know that just because I wear something to show my figure off does not mean I want other men to notice or to cheat on him, it just means I know what suits my body shape and I wear the clothes that make it look its best.
You are in charge of your own happiness, not your boyfriend, not the other girls at a party - it is all down to you! So if you are not happy about your outfit - do something about it. You can look just as sexy as these other girls, but it is just about you having the confidence to do it.
No girl is perfect, every one of these girls you see in the club will have her imperfections and hang-ups like you do. Some will hate their legs, others will wish they had bigger boobs, others will hate their stomachs.....every girl has her issues, not just you. The problem is that you think everyone else is perfect and you are the only one that is not - and that is the mentality you need to overcome. You are gorgeous and have good bits and bad bits, just like everyone else - but you need to learn to love your whole body and make the most of what you have got. The amazing thing about being human is that we are all different, there is no one "perfect" body type so we can all be appreciated for our different types of beauty.
My personal mantra has always been to show off the best bits and gloss over the not so good bits - for example I have an hourglass shape with big boobs, little waist and curvy hips. I always draw attention to my shape and make the most of this. But I dont like my arms, have fairly large thighs and a wobbly tummy which I keep firmly under wraps! But you can still be very sexy and appear perfect even if there are bits of your body you dont like, some strong controlling underwear always helps (there are some great thigh and tummy slimmers out there!), add some confidence into the mix and you are sorted!
The problem with us girls is that we compare ourselves to each other and criticize each other if we are not looking perfect. This just further pushes us into our insecurities and forces us to look harder at our own imperfections. Whereas we should really just appreciate each other's beauty and see the good in each other, and appreciate that we are all attractive in our own way.
And always keep this in mind - your boyfriend is there with YOU, he is clearly attracted to you otherwise would not be with you, so even if he does glance at these other girls, they still wont be as attractive as you are to him.
So key here is dressing for yourself, not him, and just learn to look at this other girls and appreciate them for what they are, rather than comparing yourself to them.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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