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anonymous
writes: Hi, I've been seeing a great guy for almost a year now. I know I could tell him my innermost desires and he would treat them with care and understanding. My problem is this:I can't reach orgasm with a partner(not just him-any one I've had). Alone I am a pro at it. I typically masturbate on my stomach and I know this doesn't look as hot/pretty as the girls on film. He begs me to show him "how I do it" and would be happy to do whatever needed to help get me there. It would seem girl on top would do it for me but I'm not all that comfortable up there and it just doesn't hit the spot for some reason. Is there help for me to learn to orgasm with my partner? I faked it for several years while I was married and kinda came to accept this as my sexual fate. I've never faked it since then but would like to enjoy orgasm other than just when I'm alone. Please help!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Dee, writes (19 February 2005): Hey there..i understand where you are with this and it is not uncommon..females tend to have a harder time than men in the orgasm world, partly because we are more into the mind of things so to speak...they see a visual and bam they are there, we need more mind play to really let things go together..try to fantasize about anything at all that gets you fired up..a scene from a movie or even a kiss you will never forget and you really need to let him in on you way of being reached and trust me here, a female with her butt up and bringing herself on is a total turn on for any guy..so please stop worrying about what you look like..he will probably get more turned on than you can imagine...you owe it to both of you to at least give it a try..i have and to this day i am glad i gave him the chance to enjoy me..good luck
A reader, TP, writes (17 February 2005): Hi, Orgasms aren't a basic instinct; they're a learned technique. Here are some sexercises that'll make you moan with delight: Masturbation is the surest path to orgasm for both sexes - most people can bring themselves to ecstasy in four minutes flat. And research shows that the more orgasms you have by any means, the more orgasms you will have overall. Women who regularly let their fingers do the walking require less time to become aroused, have significantly more orgasms, greater sexual desire, higher self-esteem and greater marital and sexual satisfaction. Have what's known as an "active orgasm". During intercourse, bear down, pushing the same muscles as though you are trying to expel something from your vagina. This helps you to push down against the penis or squeeze it up into you. The result: a longer and deeper orgasm. And it'll make his penis stand up and pay attention as well!Fantasies make all the difference between experiencing an incredible climax or none at all. Think that you are enjoying yourself and you will. Orgasms can be experienced through fantasy or dreams alone, without any touch. Have an emotional orgasm: concentrate on how close you feel to your man. The beauty of the clitoris is that it doesn't need to have any rest and relaxation after climaxing. As long as it gets stimulation, you will keep on coming. Instead of trying to experience an orgasm as quickly as possible, try prolonging your pleasure until an intensity that when you finally let yourself go, you are practically guaranteed an outrageous orgasm. Try the Coital Alignment technique (CAT) Your lover climbs on top, a la the Missionary, but instead of entering you straight on, he lies so his weight is totally on top of you and his pubic bone is actually rubbing against your litoris. By settling into a gentle rocking rhythm, his penis rubs against your clitoris while moving in and out of your vagina. SATISFACTION GUARANTEED: Get a vibrator, maybe one with a ring that he puts over his penis, attached is a vibrating egg for clitoral stimulation. Get him to buy it, all the more exciting. Good for either on top. Skip the last trip to the toilet, keep your bladder full. Choose a time when you are most relaxed, maybe early in the morning when you first wake up, and the bed feels warm and soft, or after a glass of wine in the evening, not too much alcohol though. Position: lie on him, flat out, stomach, legs and feet together, move your bum up and down, once you get the hang of this one, you'll love it. Hope all this helps you, in fact i know it will. Enjoy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2005): Try relaxing about the problem, try to find a guy who you are really attracted to, relax and let your mind get you into a horny mood, and imagine what you would like to happen between the two of you. Have lots of foreplay, very important, by the time a woman is ready for sex, a man is already done, so make him spend a lot of time with you first, kiss, cuddle and all. By the sound of it maybe that your guy needs to be taught how to pleasure a woman and that you have not had great lovers. You could start by reading and learning from a "how to make Sex better" book and share fantasies. Also look into it whether you have an underlying anxiety problem.
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