A
male
age
30-35,
*ndyf243
writes:Okay, I met my lovely girlfriend a few years back, and we dated previously, but i can hardly call it dating, it was the middle school flirting type of thing, never anything sexual, We recently started seriously dating, (This being many years later) I am a recent high school graduate, and she is a upcoming senior in high school, We are both virgins, But her last boyfriend was to say the least, a selfless erogant asswipe, who needs his ass beat. her first time ever giving oral sex was to him, and she did it once or twice to my knowledge, and i believe this, because she is a very good girl, she has never been high, or drunk even ( this is hard to believe this day and age, but very true). My girlfriend and I have been dating now for 8 months, and the issue at hand is the only sexual contact i recieve is from her hand, and i never even come close to finishing. and every now and again she gets on top of me and grinds on me. But I spoke to her early in our relationship about oral sex, and she started crying (which I understand because it was just recent that they had broken up, and he was the only person she had ever done this to, and i talked to her about this at about 3 months of us dating) My girlfriend and I are very much in love, she is the absolute love of my life, and i would do anything for her. I will marry this girl one day, i know it. I am very patient and understanding with her sexual wants, and at what pace she would like to take our relationship (since we plan on a very long term relationship leading to marriage eventually, the pace is slow) I have gone down on her multiple times, and she likes it from what i understand. I really want to move our sexual life to the next level, i am not asking for sex, because i know its not time for that, but after 8 months i think that oral is the stage we should be at, at least. I really don't know where to start, or how to get to this level, i love this girl more than my own life, my family treats her like a part of my family, and her family treats me the same way, and i wouldnt ever want to do anything to jeoprodize the amazing relationship me and her share. Does anyone have any advice? if you actually read all of this, and reply, thanks a million, it means alot.Please no rude comments.
View related questions:
both virgins, drunk, flirt, oral sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2010): okay, well she is absolutely in no way shape or form attracted to her ex, and i know this for a fact. and to Soon567 I was NEVER pushing any ideas of sex onto her, please think about what you say before you post something ignorant like that, She didnt cry just because i 'spoke' of oral sex, it was because it brought up the past, and she doesnt like to think about it, and thats completely uinderstandble. So please you need to take into consideration the fact that you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about when you speak of someone you dont know anything about. and for all those things that you said about getting to know her, i know her better than anyone, and she knows me better than anyone. And i dont think restarting our relationship would benifit really, But i plan to just quit sexual acts period and just wait for her to eventually bring it up, or ill bring it up somewhere down the line. thanks for the reply's. not so much to mr. sooner.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Well, I was about to yell at you until I read that you give her oral sex multiple times. However, you're not off the hook if you have to say "she likes it from what I understand". If you were doing it right, you'd say something like "She's blown away by it!".
Your girlfriend was most certainly traumatized in some way by her last jerk boyfriend. I'm not saying sexually abused, but definitely pressured, coerced, and pushed into oral sex. She found that she didn't like it at all, but was made to feel like she *had* to do it.
Here's your solution - do NOT bring up that she's done it before for someone else, because to be honest, she hasn't *really* done with anyone else. For one thing, you've got to be patient with her to open up on her own.
I give you marks for wanting to orally please her, but I suggest to stop. For one thing, she's not getting off on it, and another, it has to be mutual. Talk to her about how you feel, and that you want to start over and re-learn how to physically please each other.
She may not like the taste of oral, so you may want to suggest flavored condoms, oils, or whipped cream to help. Also, being very clean down there helps too. Nothing worse than the smell of sweaty balls and groin (to put it mildly).
If she's willing, you may want to even get a DVD of Tantric massage, set aside some hours away together in a place that isn't the back seat of a car and isn't liable to have someone walk in. Take time to have a mutual sensual journey together, much superior than "you do me, I'll do you."
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 After reading this, I can tell this is another bad boy versus good boy thing. She may come to believe that oral sex makes her a bad girl. Her last relationship didn't work out and the oral sex made her feel dirty. Some girls think that doing something explicit, such as giving a blow job, is off limits to a safe, secure relationship. She may look at you as a protective brother figure whereas her ex is the wild beast that stirred up her passion. I don't know whether she's more attracted to her ex than you. Don't take it personally. This is about her, not you. So in other words, she has programmed herself to think that giving blow jobs would make a man think less of her, and leave her for the more saintly virgins. To deprogram that, try not to be too much of her dream man, add a little mystery to the relationship. Don't make the future too certain. Start this relationship over with zero expectations. That means stop giving her oral sex too. She's going to be like, why, what happened? Just keep your cool but at the same time have control of the pace. You were patient before and took it slow. Now take it even slower, that way you also give her time to release the pain in the past. If you can be that patient the wait would be worth it.
...............................
|
