A
female
age
30-35,
*parkle1234
writes:Last year before christmas me and my husband went through a really crap time. He was being agressive (not towards me) we were fighting lots and he pushed me away mentally by refusing to hold my hand or anything. I ended up getting close to a guy i work with and after us both getting tipsy one night we got intimate, but we didnt have sex. We shared a few texts after that and then i said we needed to stop because i wanted to try and make things work with my husband. Anyway we are now 4 months down the line and things with my husband are great, hes making much more effort to be close and i cant even remember the last time we argued and im now expecting our first baby. I havnt told him about what happened becausei know it will destroy him and because it will never happen again and he will never find out i feel i would rather suffer with the guilt than emotionally destroy him. Do you think im doing the right thing?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (5 April 2013):
 I agree with CMMP -- this is something you keep quiet -- especially if it is over.
You made a mistake and it sounds like you didn't cross any sexual boundaries (I hope).
By telling your husband it will shatter his trust in you and could potentially wreck your marriage. Yes, you will be being truthful, but I don't see this as healing or bringing you closer together. By telling him, you'll be throwing it in his face that if he doesn't behave that you'll find someone new... Imagine what will go through his mind if you hit another snag in your relationship --- and potentially he may allow himself to succumb to the same temptations -- after all you did it...
I would encourage you to make it up to him and do something extra special for him. Whatever trips his trigger... go the extra mile for him. Also verbally tell him that you like how far you've come since Christmas. Sometimes by reflecting together over some of the roadblocks you've gotten over in your relationship will make it stronger to deal with upcoming roadblocks.
Eddie
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2013): Seems like pretty harsh punishment for not holding your hand.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): If you don't tell your husband then you had better avoid this other guy. He had better be OUT OF YOUR LIVES. I don't just mean to keep you from being tempted to cheat again, but also as a matter of respect towards your husband.
If you stay friends with this other guy or your husband spends time with him, and your husband is still in the dark about what went on, that is a hell of an insult to your husband and he would NOT take it lightly if the truth ever came out.
Keeping the secret with this other guy still around in your lives would be going beyond just lying to your husband about what happened already. That would be continuing to lie to him about what is still happening. You might not ever do anything improper again but this other guy is still more than a platonic friend to you now. You need to deal with him like an ex-boyfriend from now on as a matter of respect to your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): Does he suspect anything went on? If he does I'm sure he is already destroyed by the suspicion. I know I was. You will always be a little "different" with a guilty conscious. If you choose to not tell him, I'm sure he will be able to sense that things are off with you. What if this person decides to come clean in a year or two? Your husband will feel even more betrayed by hearing it from them and not you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): What what defines "we got intimate"? As your husband, he has a right and deserves to know if it was a make-out session, heavy petting/foreplay, oral, etc. regardless. If you can't tell him about this mistake what value is your marriage to begin with? As a partner, you will never feel same with a guilty conscious, and he may even pick up on it if he hasn't already. Sure he will be hurt, but you married him, so you at least owe him the truth!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 April 2013):
Definitely don't tell him. Most likely he'll not leave you so in effect you'll be punishing him.
You made a mistake and the guilt is your punishment. Hopefully you learned your lesson and won't put yourself in that situation again.
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