A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29, single for almost three years, I meet nice men through internet or when I go out, but I keep turning them down.It's not that I'm looking for someone "better" or think I deserve the richest or smartest. It's just that I want to meet someone and develop a feeling that this is THE right guy for me (at least for now). I'm patient enough to go through 1, 2 or 3 dates, but if I don't get that feeling by then, I'll stop the whole thing. I'm not looking for someone perfect, but for someone who has this special mix of flaws and strengths that will make me really (!) fall for him.Honestly, the last time I was really in love with a man was a long time ago. I'm almost too rational, I guess. I'm not romantic, never really was. I got flings and infatuations, but that dies down very fast. Soon enough, I see that my new Prince Charming is just a regular or even disappointing guy and that I don't like his smoking habits or narrowminded attitudes, the way he treats me or his career plans. And I'm off. I don't know if I should try harder or if that's okay. I don't want to be alone but I also don't want to get together with someone I don't really like the way he is.This illusion or dream or hope of meeting someone who feels just right for me still persists.And at the same time, I watch friends getting married and pregnant and think my clock is ticking. And that I should rather get realistic.What do you think? Did you wait for "the right man/woman" and was that worth it? And how can I wait without being completely passive and unrealistic (is that possible)? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I believe in being realistic, but NEVER settle.
The thing is though you set out to date guy so you can take them apart, which to me means you haven't figured out what you really want or met a guy you just fell head over heals for.
I do NOT believe in lists when it comes to dating. I had a very good friend who had her "lists" of what she expected in a man in order to "date" her and honestly they list was shallow and unrealistic. The funny thing when she did meet her (now) husband, he was nothing like her list at all, she went out with him on a blind date another friend had set up. That was 18 years ago.
So, know what you like, but don't lock yourself "in" for a certain type, because frankly he may not even exist.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I don't think it is ridiculous. I hate smokers as well. I find it hard to see you describe a smoker with a narrow mind who doesn't treat you right as Prince Charming. I like internet dating because you can screen a lot of things before even messaging them. If you have no time to waste and don't like to meet up and be disappointed then internet dating is the way to go. On the internet though it's always the same guys so you might have to wait a few months to get a replacement of new guys. You should set your standards and what your deal breakers are. If you find yourself too picky there is a good book for you. The case of settling for mr. good enough by Lori Gottlieb.
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