A
female
age
30-35,
*inklollypop
writes:Could you please help me! I am going to my fiance's works night out, but he's only allowing me to stay for a couple of hours! He said I have to get the train home myself while he stays at his friend's house. I think he has plasnned to meet up when I have left with one of the girls he works with! What can I do to prevent this? It would have to be something he wouldn't notice because he is desperate for me not to stay! Please email me asap with your answer! thanx pinklollypop
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 December 2008):
You can get answers by packing your bags and walking out.
I think it's pretty clear that he has got something going with someone else.
Either that or get the number and call the girl and ask what is going on between them?
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): Don't let that slide! That's a huge issue! Moreso than the fact that he didn't want you to stay at the party and was will to let you travel home alone on the train! He's trying to get over on you! Don't let him! Let him know that you are not stupid, and he can't get away with this!
Trust Me, I've been dealing with men and lies for 40 years! I am the type of person who will give anyone the benefit of the doubt ONCE! Have you ever heard the expression "f**k me once, shame on you, f**k me twice, shame on ME! Well, that's how I live my life, not just with men, but everyone! Even my children!
Of course it is up to you how you handle this whole ordeal, but, remember one thing the more you let him get away with, the more he will try to get away with. He is not trustworthy! Trust has to earned, and he's doing a poor job of it!
I would reconsider you intentions to marry this man. You will be signing on for a life of misery!
I'm sorry this can't be easier for you, but I wish I had a site like this when I was young and foolish! Be Strong!
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A
female
reader, pinklollypop +, writes (20 December 2008):
pinklollypop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi and thankyou so much to everyone who has left me a comment! THANKYOU ALL! I ended up going and he felt really bad for saying that I was to get the train home alone. But I did wonder why? Beacause after all of that he was the one to appolo0gise. But there was one thing one of his female collegues did not turn up! I didnt think anything of this untill the next again morning when his phone kept ringing and he kept receiving txts. I decided to open one of the txts that read - Hey Babe how r u? Really sorry I couldnt make it last night wasnt well. Missed my dance with you. And our plan for after it was rewend! Soz! anyway cant wait to c u at work on monday.xxxxx J. But her no was under his friends name C! So I then woke him up and said what is this he could not explain himsel! I have droped it tyhis time but how can I get answers? wb
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): he's making you get the train back by yourself! sounds like a great fiancee
you could pretend to get drunk and then you wouldnt be able to go home by yourself
:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): He's your fiance, and he's letting you take the train home at night, alone??? Nice Guy! You could take Gina's advice and stay, but if you have to force yourself on this guy and you think he's cheating, I really don't think this relationship is going to make it! Trust is a big issue. And if your relationship lacks trust, it must also lack honesty. If it was me, I would have to rethink the whole commitment (or lack of) How can he tell you that you can come but you have to leave when I say so??? Can you imagine the control he will try to have once you are married? Take a good look at this, Hon, This isn't the way relationships should be...not healthy ones anyway!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): I think all has been said about this one. Not sure what his plans are exactly, or whether he just wants some sort of lads night getting drunk but no other women around but thats so rude, I wouldn't take it from a friend so I wouldnt dream of letting a fiancee say that!x x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Red lights are flashing! He is showing lack of respect and caring. Where is his concern for your safety? Obviously he is planning something. You don't have to accept this kind of treatment. If he cannot and will not leave the party with you, don't go! Tell him you are not allowing him or anyone to place your safety at risk, or make a fool of you. I think you should reconsider this relationship. If he is treating you like this now, what would it be like once you are married, or a couple of years from now?
In a relationship love, honesty, trust and respect are very important. Take some time and think carefully about your situation. Don't allow your emotions to shadow your thoughts. (Think with your head and not your heart).If you have a friend in a similar situation, what would you advice your friend?
You deserve the best, you deserve someone who cares about you (also your safety). He is not worthy of your love. At times action speak louder then words and I am afraid this is one of those situations.He needs to realize that you are not desperate for him, his function or his ring!
Don't allow him to treat you like this, don't let him take your "power" and control your life.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, pinklollypop +, writes (17 December 2008):
pinklollypop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so so much! I am very sorry to hear about your ex partner. Im sur u have done a wonderfull job raising your child. Well done! Ther should be more people out there like you. Your a great roll modle. I will let you know how it goes. Thanku again xx pinklollypop xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Are you serious? He has invited you to his works do then he is letting you go home on your own after a couple of hours?! That is really terrible, why would you bother to go?! Personally I'd tell him to get lost and not bother seeing him again but that's just me...and I guess being so close to christmas might be a bit difficult to. Why are you going to his work night out? Did you invite yourself when he really just wants to let his hair down with his mates..and therefore being an overly clingy girlfriend? But then you don't come across like that in your email - if you had demanded that you go and not given him any peace about it then you wouldn't allow him to send you home after a couple of hours. I can only conclude that he is an absolute arse who doesn't deserve you - really, why would you want to be with someone who is letting you go home on your own after a night out? If you were a mother, and your daughter was asking you this, wouldn't you tell her to dump him? It's really not on babes xxx
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A
female
reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (17 December 2008):
I know I would be suspicious. Doesn't add up, doesn't sound right. Ask him pointblank why he does not want you to stay. You have a right to know - you are his fiance! This is the man you are supposed to be spending the rest of your life with! Is this how he wants to behave? Does he think he deserves to have his cake and eat it too?
I was once living with a guy who would stay out all night at times. I told him that if that is how he wanted to behave, that was fine, but that he was with the wrong lady, as it was not acceptable to me. I knew he was running on me. All the signs were there. Shortly after I kicked him out. It was very painful, as I was pregnant with his baby. I raised our baby by myself, and never looked back. He married someone else the year after we broke up. They are now getting divorced. She called me in tears more than once, asking what she should do about his philandering. I told her he will never change, and the only way you will survive is to leave him, for your own sake and sanity. I told her why do you think I kicked his ass to the curb?
Talk to your fiance about this, but I think it is a huge red flag, and inappropriate behavior on his part. Maybe the two of you are too young to be considering marriage yet. Maybe he sees this as a chance to have one last fling before marriage. But at your expense. How does this make you feel? I'm sure like crap. It's got to hurt like hell. If he needs to do this, then I don't think he deserves to have you as his wife one day. And if you do allow him to exhibit this kind of behavior, then what? He will take advantage and continue doing whatever he is allowed to get away with.
He should want you to be there the entire evening with him. He should want to be protective and accompany you on the train ride home, not send you on your way by yourself. Or, he should want you there to spend the night at his friend's house. I know he hasn't done anything yet, but it sure sounds as though he is about to. Don't put up with it for one minute - it's very hurtful, and you deserve better. Ask him how would he feel if the shoe were on the other foot? I'm sure he wouldn't like it one bit.
I smell a rat. I think you do too. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinklollypop +, writes (17 December 2008):
pinklollypop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou, I have allready told him Im so angry with him for it! When I said that if he was going to be like that we were through and he didnt bother! I do Love him and hes never hurt me before untill this! xx wb plz
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): He is not worth any of your love or attention. There is no point in you trying to prevent him from seeing someone else. Tell him its over and go out with your own friends this evening, forget him and have some fun. Always believe in yourself and demand respect.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 December 2008):
I think you need to take his ring off and tell him it's on ebay if he wants it back.
This is such blatant disrespect of you, and it's not on.
Tell him that if he's ashamed of you or he wants to go off with other girls then he can do so because you can do better than a boy who treats a woman like that.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, askJAY  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 i would not even attend the work function.
that is disgusting of him. even from my point of view, as a guy who has cheated before. i won't do it again, because its revolting behavior.
don't bother going and don't try to control what he does. you are not his mommy. you deserve better.!!!
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A
female
reader, Annieapple +, writes (17 December 2008):
Do you have a good reason to think that he's meeting up with a girl? He may just fancy a night out with his colleagues on his own but expecting you to come and then get the train back on your own is a bit strange.
Has he given you any reason to doubt him in the past? If you don't trust him them why are you engaged to him?
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