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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for a very happy 9 months now. However recently he has said he wants us to get engaged. I do love him and have always thought of us having a future together; however I do not feel ready to get married and have started to get a little freaked out. Is it normal that I've started to have niggling doubts about our relationship and does this mean it is doomed?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): To be fair to you, you've only been in this relationship nine months. In the grand scheme of things nine months is not a great deal of time and it is certainly not enough time to get to know someone well enough to judge whether or not you can build a stable and loving relationship with each other. When marriages end, it is a painful experience for both parties and even more so if there are children involved. So for your own sake as well as his I think you need to consider giving the relationship more time before you start getting ready to walk down the isle.
As for your other question, the relationship is not necessarily doomed and if you have been happy with him so far there is no reason to suggest you won't continue to be so. It all depends on how you convey your feelings to him though, since men are notoriously sensitive to these things as they involve their egos. If you feel you love him, tell him so. If you feel that you're not quite ready to make such a big commitment to another person, tell him. Emphasise to him that you've thought about it and the idea isn't completely displeasing to you (if it isn't) but that you're just not ready to take such a HUGE step.
Hope that helps, but feel free to ignore as much as you wish :)
A reader, stacey, writes (10 March 2005): hi, Have you tried sitting down with your boyfriend and telling him how you feel and that you're not quite ready to get engaged yet and asking if he could he hold on out a bit longer until you feel ready to get engaged?
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