A
male
age
51-59,
*edjpd
writes:Hi my girlfriend (38) and I have been together 9 months and are due to get married in April. My girlfriend found out she was pregnant in January but is afraid to tell her elderly father as she fears his reaction to her being pregnant before she is married (he is a Jehovah's Witness). She has also fallen out with her sister over the pregnancy and there does not appear to be much sign of a reconciliation - they are both stubborn and seem to see saying sorry as a sign of weakness. She has also not committed to going to the wedding. This and the lack of support from her is really getting her down as is the issue with her father. My girlfriend is also a very independent woman(good job, own house and financially independent) and feels that her life will change completely when she is married and has the baby whereas mine won't change much at all. I think this is based on her own experience of her family. I have tried to convince her that I fully intend to pull my weight in all aspects of family life - ie housework, childcare etc.Added to this the effects of being pregnant (sickness,lack of sleep) and trying to arrange things for the wedding is really getting her down. She feels like just running away from it all to have the baby in France in the summer(where she has an apartment)and rearing the child there, without my involvement.I know that during pregnancy a woman can be very hormonal and I am trying to take all of this into consideration. I just don't know what to say or do. She doesn't want me to try and intervene with the row with her sister. I also don't understand why she thinks I won't pull my weight when we get married. I also have a good job etc and have always tried my best to show her love and full support.I think sometimes she worries too much about what other people think and how they would judge her for being pregnant before she was married. I come from a more liberal background and have a family that will support me fully whatever and suppose I don't really care what others think.We have decided to leave things for a few days so she can get some rest and not be thinking or talking about are upcoming wedding.I would just like some advice on what I should do. All this negativity is making me doubt whether getting married is the right thing to do - even though we do both love each other dearly - and what way to help with her family problems.What do I do if she does decide she wants to go to France?
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male
reader, MR C  +, writes (13 February 2009):
I have to Agree with Uncle Trev.. Seems like a pretty logical response.. With a baby on it's way, you guys have to know start thinking about your little family that you are creating. Don't worry about the people around you.. they will come around eventually but your main priority it to provide this child with the best family life a mother and father can give him/her.
Personally I think weddings are beautiful but not priority.. You should concentrate on one thing at a time.. it's ok to postpone the wedding under the circumstances. It would probably relieve some stress on her side and that would relieve yours as well.. Bringing a first born into this world is a much more beautiful gift than a wedding. Take the time and then show off your creation at the wedding. ;O)))))
MR C
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (27 February 2008):
I don't see how immediate marriage will solve anything here.
You both love each other dearly and want to be together so this is most importand wreather you are married or not.
All you have to do is make a decision like that and stick to it.
As for her father being difficult if your girlfriend is strong enough to stand up to him she needs to explain to him how things are going to be - on her terms. With a youngster on the way her elderly father stands to loose an awful lot more than your girlfriend does if he chooses to make life difficult or if their relationship becomes strained or non existant.
She is reacting to you because you are the closest thing to her at the moment and we all kick out at the closest people to us in times of a crisis. This is why we love those close people to us so much in life.
You say your girlfriend is 38, not 18 or 16. I can understand her father being concerned if she was pregnant at that age but surely both in your late thirties you are surely old enough to make your own decisions and stand your ground. Marriage may be the way of her father so let him get married. He has every right to live his morals in the nineteenth century but has no right to control anybody elses.
I can only say what I would do in your shoes and that would be to stick with your girlfriend and talk this out hopefully arriving at a mutual decision and going forward from there.
Once baby has come along if your girlfriend or then wife wants to pursue her career then become a house husband and if that all has to happen in France then so be it. France is a lovely country to live in and is full of people that judge you fairly according to the people that you are and NOT by moral standards set in ancient times.
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