A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't understand. Every guy I date, after about 3 months or so moves on and seems to find someone else. Starts off strong, they seem to really like me, constantly together and calling and then out of no where, the calls die down, they are "busy" and then I find out they are with someone else. This has happened the last 4 guys i've dated all under 5 months. I feel like I'm not good enough, or don't have anything to offer? Not sure what's happening but it must be me right? Each one told me they loved me in under 4 weeks of dating, they told me, I didnt' say it so I'm very confused. I try to not to be clingy and i'm very independent so I'm wondering if that's it? I dont' come off like I need them? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): No I don't think its the independence thing because if that was the case and you were giving off the signal that you weren't interested and didn't need these men then they probably would have given up pursuing you in the first week or two. So I don't think that's it.
My only guess is one of two things. Either you're sleeping with these men way too soon. Or you are just meeting the wrong guys who are just looking for a piece of ass. I think its probably a combination of these two.
You just need to start being more selective in the men you date. That's fine and all that they claimed to love you but as you can see, when push came to shove, that wasn't at all the case. They all lied to you. If they're already claiming to love you so soon, you're probably moving way too fast in some areas. So you need to slow down, stop listening to their words, and make them fight for you before you let it get serious.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 August 2008):
I had exactly the same problem. I found I had HUGE Novelty value. Men wanted to come in and "tame" me. So they'd go out with me and it'd be "I'm falling for you" and crap like that in the first week, and I'd say ok, lets just calm down a bit. I knew the pattern so I'd try and slow things down.
Then after a few months when they discovered I wasn't going to change, I was still going to go out with my friends when I wanted to and party, and I wasn't going to come and sit and hang out on the sofa with them and be a girly girlfriend every night after work, then they'd lose interest. Or they'd start trying to "put their foot down" as my boyfriend and start telling me I couldn't wear the short skirt that I was wearing when I met them as it was too short. Unfortunately I'd usually fallen for them a bit by this point and then would get terribly hurt.
I met my husband and thought he was going to be exactly the same and then on our third date he told me he was going off for 2 weeks as he was in the army and was off training with tanks or something in Germany.
Well this worked perfectly for me. We'd have bursts of dating and being together for a while and then he'd disappear and I'd disappear doing my own thing. As you can tell by the fact he's now my husband, we all lived happily ever after. He's in Iraq and I'm up visiting friends for a month.
Now I'm not saying you should start hanging around army bases hahaha. BUT you should try to find a guy who is as independent as you. They kind of guy who's given up on girls because they try and get clingy after a few months and want him to stop going out with his mates / climbing the Himalayas / working crazy shifts.
This is a challenge to do but they Are out there.
Don't lose faith!! And what ever you do DON'T change who you are.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (4 August 2008):
 I totally relate to what your saying. It's like these guys can't handle a women being independent. I think men do feel like they have to have the upper hand and when they don't they move on. Maybe you're not challenging them enough. You say constantly together..calling. Either you're too giving or not giving enough. This question the Men need to help me understand too
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): Big question for you -- where are you meeting these guys, what type of activities to you engage in together and how long do you wait to become physically involved with them?
I use to have the same problem (I know I'm much younger so they guys I date are probably slightly immature but I think most men are similar) and when I stopped trying to "date" them and started getting to know them..the problem kind of disappeared.The way I use to think before was, oh, does this guy like me? What can I do to impress him? How interested is he in me? Does he just want me to use for sex? If I sleep with him will he loose interest? And then I stopped and started seeing if they impressed me, i.e. having intelligent discussion, immediately dumping guys that didn't treat me right or I found offputing, waiting a LONG time to get physically involved with them - about two months or so actually, and the guys that stuck around have gotten to me and even though we're only dating they still feel a sense of commitment to me. I tried to break up with the guy I'm dating now twice and both times he basically asked me to reconsider my decision and see what we can do to make it work for a bit longer!
So I dont know anything about you but I hope my experience helps!
...............................
|
