A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry for sounding depressive or if a lot of you simply can't answer me, I understand that I'm probably going to say a lot of stuff that can't be answered so all I can say is thank you for your time.All of my life I have considered myself unlucky, I was born on Friday 13th, I've been abused physically and mentally by my father, I've always done badly in education as I've never had the motivation or the mindset to learn (If it didn't interest me I simply shut my mind off doing it and procrastinated until I was forced to do it), I've been bullied by both my classmates and family (mainly just from my dad and my sister, my mum and grandparents have always been kind to me) and that's just the tip of the iceberg.I've only ever had 3 jobs all of which were temp seasonal contracts and I probably only got them because they needed anyone and everyone, and all the jobs I have applied and got interviews for have either said I'm too withdrawn or someone else has more experience than me. It feels like I'm the unluckiest person in the modern world (I'm aware people are far worse off than me, but in terms of the modern first world I feel pretty damn unlucky) and I will never succeed or get anywhere in life.I'm pretty much stuck at home and it feels I'll be here for life, I want to move out and live with my girlfriend but she said until I get a job with at least 25-30 hours and it being permanent I can't move in, this is understandable as I wouldn't be able to afford to live with her or support her, but it feels like whenever I get an interview for a job that fits perfectly I always fail no matter how hard I try, it feels like I could give the best answers possible and look the most confident but I always get up ended by someone who simply has more experience than me.Ever since my experience at secondary school (as mentioned I was bullied, plus I was beat up quite badly a few times) I've always thought negatively and had confidence and anxiety issues, I've tried to think positively but even that has failed me. I just find it extremely difficult to get out of my negative mindset as its all I've known to think and feel for nearly all of my life.I've got a girlfriend and I want to give her a decent happy future but it feels like with the way I am and how unlucky I seem to be I won't be able to give her the future she deserves. It feels like I should just end it with her as she clearly deserves so much better than me.I want to basically not be myself but I don't know how or where to even start, all I know is that I want to make my girlfriend happy and I want to give her the best future possible, I don't want to be stuck at home on dead end temp jobs for the rest of my life.Sorry for all of this and thank you very much for your time.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 July 2016):
 I think you should go and talk to a therapist about the issues that you are having. Maybe get booked in for some CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).
You are battling yourself here, you feel worthless, you need to gain more confidence, believe in yourself, and most importantly you need to learn to love yourself.
You where born on Friday 13th? Nothing wrong with that, unless you are superstitious it really is just another day.
Being bullied by your father is not okay, but sometimes in life that happens, yes it is difficult but you need to let go off that anger, I know people who have been shouted at, attacked, beating with a belt, raped all by there dad. Some allow it to ruin the rest of their lives, or others get help and put it to bed and be thankful for being alive. You should aim to be in the second group.
You simply had no interest in education which goes against you when it comes to looking for work if you did not do well at school. But you need to try harder now, apply for all the jobs you can, get out off your head that temp work is not okay, because it is okay, it is a job that pays you, so don't look at it as a negative things, sometimes temp jobs turn in to more.
I can understand what your girlfriend is saying, she has a point, you need to pay your way, she is a smart girl. You are LUCKY to have her, remember not everything about you is unlucky, you have a girlfriend, a home, you have your legs, you can walk, you can apply for work, you can see and hear. You really are not unlucky from where I am sitting.
Okay so you where bullied at secondary school, its tough I know I got bullied all the way through school from the age of 4 to 16. But I don't let it define me. I am stronger for it, the only evidence from it now is the scars they left on me, but it just makes me feel stronger. It has effected you oppositely. You need to get help for this or else they win.
Please go and seek help, you do deserve your girlfriend, you do deserve a good job and a happy future, you are not a bad person.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2016): There isnt an easy answer to that. I think if you went into this expecting an easy solution you will just end up depressed. If you want to turn things around go into it with the mindset that sometimes things will be difficult but you can get through them. Just take your problems one at a time.You said something about not feeling good enough for your girlfriend but you are probably judging yourself much harsher than you would someone else. Give yourself credit for the good stuff. Dont try and win life right away noone can do that. Keep track of your progress so you can see you are getting somewhere. You mentioned that this might sound depressive but have you seriously considered if maybe you have clinical depression. Theres nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it.Best of luck man.
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