A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had a problem for quite some time. I need some help with it.It started with my grandmother, she was very controlling, and manipulative, just generally a sick person. My dad was the first, and he was the favorite. There were four kids after him and they were ignored. There is sufficient evidence that my grandmother sexually abused my dad. My sister is three years older than me and the first born grandchild, she was the favorite, and my grandmother took my sister as her own. My dad wanted nothing to do with me from the time I was born, but on one occasion sexually molested me(a memory I just recently remembered). My grandmother and sister would say things to me like: you are worthless, you are hated, everyone in the world hates you because you were born, everything was fine in the world until you were born, and when anyone is talking to someone else and laughing, they are talking and laughing about you. Everything in this world is your fault. So, I grew up thinking this was true, but tried desparately to show the world it was not. If anything happened, I thought it was my fault, anything. My grandmother would buy things for my sister, and then cleverly show me she bought nothing for me, maybe if you were your sister, you would get something, because she is the favorite. She would also, say something like don't drop what you have in your hand, and she would repeat it over and over until I would drop it because I was so flustered, so then I would get punished for it. I rencently found out that my grandmother would bribe my dad into beating up my uncle while she watched. Then my sister would provoke me, whispering insults in my ear, until I blew up, and looked like an idiot, my cousin later told me this was the same thing my grandmother would do to my aunt. My sister would ruin relationships, talk about me to other people, insult me in front of other people, just in general destroyed my self confidence, I guess so that she would always be better than me.Now, I am in a deep depression that I can't seem to get out of. All my life, I have tried to show everyone that my family didn't beat me, and now I don't know how to deal with my problems.I can't get away from the thoughts that my grandmother and sister intentionally ruined my life. And how I am now is what they wanted. I am angry about that. And I just want someone to understand what I am going through, even if they don't indentify with it.Thanks to anyone reading this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much to all of your replies. I have yet to have anyone look at this as something I actually went through, not just a temper tantrum. Thank you very much, I know it sounds dramatic, but this might have saved my life.
And for the person who wrote this and much more:
"I know you are strong enough, tomorrow start the rest of your life and live it in sunshine and love... it doesnt live in the past but the future! if you move into it."
Thanks!
I always thought that only the people in my family who saw what I went through, would understand it, and because it is so hard for me to make and keep friends, asking others for help is too hard, and in fact impossible. You nailed it.
And I have thought about moving away, maybe when I get back on my feet.
And I have been married for eight years to an abusive alcoholic, and am now separated by my choice. I realized the cycle, better late than never right?
Thanks again to all of you, best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): HiThe first bit of advice i would give you is stay as far away as possible from POISON....let them poison themselves.Your sadistic evil sick grandmother has NOT RUINED YOUR LIFE. The point is ..only has it been ruined if YOU let it be. You sound very level headed considering the abuse you grew up with...well done kidda your a star!....and a BRIGHT SHINING ONE never ever forget that you are UNIQUE and wonderful despite What brainwashing you have had to endure.Stay strong you have come to far to lay down and believe this bullshit. Sadly your sister has been USED by your grandma as a TOOL to carry on her evil poison, maybe you could see this is possible? The only reason YOU BELIEVE the bullshit is because it was FAMILY who told you it...and we believe that family are always right...because its OUR BLOOD. Family are not always right or good and loving as we sadly know. Do not EXCEPT any single WORD that has come out of that OLD WOMANS MOUTH....it is all based on LIES their is NO TRUTH that will ever pass her lips good or bad. Try and detach yourself from the FAMILY ROOT and grow as a complete new individual with a fresh slate. Base your life around becoming the person you TRULY ARE and are meant to be and shed the skin. Do everything you ever dreamed about, let nothing stand in your way and BE STRONG. Start a fresh life slate and do not BRING YOUR PAST INTO YOUR PRESENT OR FUTURE....use only the past as a reminder of WHO YOU ARE NOT! Try not to let anger or bitterness destroy you either because THEY CAN ONLY WIN if you let them. YOU WIN AND GROW and pass your strength on to others when you are an old grandmother...break the circle of family poison for your future generations. Don'T waste time on wanting justification or reasons ..it will never happen, because there is no reason in evil.I know you are strong enough, tomorrow start the rest of your life and live it in sunshine and love... it doesnt live in the past but the future! if you move into it.Good Luck and Via con dios!
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A
female
reader, sparkleworks  +, writes (30 January 2009):
 I could literally have written this, except for the fact that I have no sister, I was the 'favourite'.
I have one important thing to say which is that now that I'm older, I'm truly regretful for all of the horrible things I did and said to some of my relatives, even though I was a child and under my grandmother's instruction and didn't know any better.
I think it'd be worth your while to talk to your sister. I'm an only child, but I know that a lot of siblings torture each other when they're young (although maybe not on this same scale).. it doesn't mean they don't love each other and can't be functional when they grow up.
Best wishes xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): They havn't ruined your life just yet. Your life is what you make of it. You are 26-29? Ive only just turned 20 and probably still have the mind of a 17 year old, but if i were in your shoes i would move away. Go to the another city somewhere. Rent a flat, get a new job. AWAY from these people. You don't need them. Show them you ARE in control. Why are you with people like this? i understand family ties and all, but if they are making your life so misrible i would leave. That is abuse! If you want to get away from this depression then you need to get away from them. Just because you are in a different city also doesnt mean you are leaving them completely. You can still visit them and phone them if you miss them. You dont need to show the world anything. You can be whoever and whatever you want to be, its not a myth. Come back and tell us what options you have! Do you have kids? a boyfriend? what sort of ties do you have?
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