A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. Please can I have some advice as do what I should and how I can meet someone and stop feeling like this. Basically keep it short. I'm 32, female and single and I can't seem to meet anyone. I'm attractive, I have an ok job in public relations... In sense it pays ok, it's very very stressful but I enjoy it. And as said earn ok. Not good, not great. I live in nice flat (although small room) in town and live with 2 others. I'd hope to own my own home by now, but it is far off! Anyway, problem I'm finding is I have been single for 6 years and I can't seem to meet anyone. I've signed up to online dating, I've done all sorts and nothing. It's not really bothered me before, but the worst has happened... All my friends and now in relationships and its all happened at same time. My friend E, she liked this guy at work for ages and she is my age and been single for years too.. Now though she is with the guy from work and all of a sudden they are now moving in together and I never see her. My friend L, she met guy on the same dating site I was on, his so good looking and lovely and I'm slightly jealous as I wish I'd met him. They're totally loved up and spend time with E and her boyf. My friend S who is a good time girl and we thought never be in relationship as never even had one before, is now within 4 months living with a guy and planning the wedding. And T knows this guy for years and liked him, suddenly his back from America and has come to London and they are now officially dating! I'm so depressed. What makes it worst is I'm the eldest of the lot of us. They are all 25-30. And now I sit at home weekends and do nothing, on my own :( I'm the only single girl in the office as well. I've been on about 10 different dating sites and I'm trying. As said, it wasn't so bad before as all the girls were single and we'd go out weekends have fun. But now... They are all in relationships and as said its all happened at the same time, within a few weeks everyone was suddenly settled in new relationships and now they all hang out as couples and I'm so upset I don't even talk to them anymore - in the last month. It's like we barely speak. I'm consumed with jealously and weekends I sit at home feeling down as have no friends left any I'm only single one xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Some people say you just keep busy and it will happen as part of that - you will meet someone at your hobby or whatever. I'm not sure how often that is.
Advice in this sort of arena is all very well but there are so many imponderables - you could be living in an area with a lower than usual number of single guys, possibly a more rural area.
It's funny, but in almost every other avenue of life people tell us to "go after what you want, don't wait for it to come to you" but when it comes to being single it's often "wait for it, it will come when you least expect it""
I sympathise OP, as I have been single for 3 years and done all the usual things - speed dating, joined clubs, online dating (several sites) for 2 years. I've been on three dates in that whole time. It sucks. Online dating works for a very small percentage of the population. In my case, I don't want kids, so my pool is tiny to start with.
All I can say is I hear ya, share your pain.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Why is it that with this type of question people come out with the "be involved in stuff and he will come"? Because so often that simply ISN'T true. People can join umpteen clubs, have a really active social life, do the online dating thing for years and get nowhere.I have a friend who is attractive, intelligent, interesting - she belongs to many clubs, gyms. She has now been single the best part of years and in that time has been asked out by 3 guys in real life (none of whom she had any attraction to). She has tried online dating on and off in that time and had just a handful of dates, only four of which went to a second date.For some people it just doesn't happen, often the people for whom it really should.YES, get out and keep busy and do plenty of things. But don't kid yourself that by doing so "he will come". He MAY come. But to expect it is going to lead to yet more unhappiness.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Don't be consumed with jealousy, it creates bad karma in your life. You need to be happy for your friends because the more you say "yes" to what they have the more chance you will have of swinging that karma in your own direction. Negative thoughts, bring negative things into our lives, and positive ones the same. So you've lost your support system as a single girl in the trenches of life, and now you are alone in the trenches. It's time to find some new single friends. Maybe there's no one in your office that's single, but maybe there's a few in the building? You need to start going to some mixers that involve other singles in your neighborhood or city. Some dating sites now offer mixers in your local area. Tap into a few of these. Even if you don't meet any interesting me, you may click with a few single girls and you'll have a new cicle of girlfriends to do things with. Also new friends always opens up the door for you to meet new men. Instead of sitting at home on the week ends feeling bad, you need to volunteer at your local animal shelter, go bike riding, bowling, go see a ball game. You will never meet anyone if you stay at home by yourself. You have to get out there and be involved in stuff, and then he will come. Trust me on this.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Perhaps you need to be more proactive. Ok you've signed up to a few dating sites but do you send out any emails? And in real life, do you make any effort to meet and get to know people? Take the examples of your friends and the guys they met at work. What exactly happened to bring them together? It probably involved your friends showing the guys some attention. Even if the guys were the ones to initiate actual contact, there's a lot a woman can do to encourage him. Do you ever do anything like that?Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, although understandable isn't going to get you anywhere. I don't want ot sound harsh, you have my deepest sympathise for losing your friends, that must suck, but you really need to find ways to maximise your exposure to socialising oppotunities. Try to make new friends. Join clubs or whatever. Find something that you enjoy and makes you feel good, even if it's not likely to afford you the opportunity to meet men, you might meet some new friends and build a new support structure. And believe it or not going out with a group of girls isn't the best way to meet men. It takes a very confident guy, or a drunk one, to march up to a group of women in a club or some other setting and start talking to them. And ok, you may have seen that happening for your friends, but maybe you're the type of girl who attracts the slightly shy variety of bloke... the type that needs a bit of encouragement. Getting a bit of encouragement from a woman REALLY helps, whether it be a hello and a smile while passing someone in the corridor at work, or a bit of lingering eye contact in a club. Nothing discourages a guy more from approaching a woman than getting complete indifference from her.Oh, and cleavage does wonders.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 October 2012):
 i do sympathise with you, it can't be easy for you, all your friends having tied the knot or in serious relationships. I can't believe that you say you don't talk to them and they all go out without you, that must be really upsetting for you. Have you actually had any luck with internet dating, like been on any dates atal?.
You are still only young, i know that it does not feel like it now but i can assure you that your time will come. sooner or later you will meet your prince charming who will sweep you off your feet. Get yourself out there, mix it up with people, do an evening class in something you really enjoy, go to the gym, book club, places you will meet people with common interests. Don't be to keen or in a mad rush to find a guy, have fun, be joyous and you will meet your guy probablly when you very least expect it.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 I know it is difficult to see your friends all in solid relationships and you on the outside looking in. I've been there, so I know the pain and loneliness you feel.
It sounds like you are taking all the right steps in seeking our a potential mate. My question are: are you getting any hits whatsoever on dating sites? Why do you think you haven't been able to find anyone? Is your dating profile getting enough attention from guys or are you attracting the wrong type of men with it?
Do you have time for a relationship? You state you have a very demanding job, I am wondering if potential suitors think you wouldn't have time for them...
Are you interesting? If all you do is go to work at a stressful job and sit at home and watch TV, you might not be able to generate enough mutual interest. Make sure you are developing interests outside of looking for a boyfriend -- otherwise you may come off as needy and one dimensional.
I would like to see a follow up from you on what has happened with your potential relationships and why you haven't found someone. Once you identify the reasons for your lack of success in the dating world (which is not an easy world, by the way), you can begin to address them and work to overcome them.
Best wishes,
Eddie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): Being a lot older than you divorced with no friends I can sympathies. However I do know if you go looking to eagerly it does frighten men off-so instead of joining internet sites why not join local clubs, photography, walking, acting anything with both sexes that way youll meet new friends of both sexes-find someone to have a drink afterwards then you will meet someone naturally!!!!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Ok so you tried lots of online dating sites...what happened?
Did you get any dates and how did they go. Do you give people a chance or find fault quickly and brush them off.
Also, how ready are you for a full time relationship?
You had all these single girlfriends and seemed happy to be a single girl...now the friends have paired up and now you feel you must too?...or are you really ready to settle down?
It's really hard to find love and the longer you stay single, you lose your ability to give and take and compromise.
Failing finding a boyfriend, you could always fcus on making new friends to replace the ones you have lost.
I do sympathise, it's not easy because there is no easy route or time frame for finding the love of your life...als no guarantees, you ust have to keep looking...so what happened to some of those internet dates?
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