A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've ended my unhappy marriage of 20 years. Then I met this man 19 years older than me. He gives me all the attention I've craved for years. We live in separate houses. He's helpful in my house. But he always wants sex when I'm with him. Even if I say no he will try his best to get his own way. I always give in and have sex with him. I've talked to him about how I feel and he wouldn't stop. I've started to see him less and I'm losing feelings for him due to his uncaring behavior. I'm thinking of leaving. Please advise. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (6 June 2012):
Ok - you're out of a marriage for reasons I can probably ascertain.
You now have a guy who is nice, pays attention to you, helps you in your house, and is obviously attracted to you, and your complaint is "he always wants sex."
First, if he is "helpful in your house" the obviously he doesnt "always want sex" because that would be a contradiction.
Second, you need to discover exactly what it is you want, and make damn sure those things are not contradictory. Eg, dont tell me you want a man who is affectionate, then whine about the fact that he wants to touch you all the time. I say this specifically because this is my sense on what you are doing.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 June 2012):
 How often are you seeing him?
if it's every day then yes he's being excessive.
if it's once a week.. maybe not...
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A
female
reader, licallion  +, writes (5 June 2012):
from a close friend of mines (a males) perspective.. his view is that men see sex as a way of showing that you love them, that you find them desirable and want them to be intimate with you..I know this isn't the case always, but.. bear that in mind.In a relationship it's important that you can feel you can express your needs and they, theirs. However, it is also important that after sharing these needs that you both take this into consideration.My step-dad told me if you say no to some-one stick to it, even if you change your mind don't say yes as they will see it as they have walked over you then and got their own way. So i try my best and live by that good advice (at least it seems good to me).you could try and explain to him again, explain that you still want to be with him but your sexual desires aren't as strong as his all the time. That you want to have a good solid realationship before sex, perhapsor just explain that you do enjoy sex but not all the timeand maybe if the way that yous have sex isn't enjoyable for you try and make it more sensuali hope this helps,
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (5 June 2012):
 I had a similar problem. A boyfriend who always wanted sex each time we met, and effectively refused to meet up if it wasn't on the cards, e.g. when I was menstruating or if one of us had a cold. On the few occasions we met up and I said 'no' he went off in a huff. It made me feel cheap and used. I explained it to him but he didn't get it or didn't modify his behaviour and I moved on. You can do the same.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (5 June 2012):
 You don't need us to tell you what to do. It sounds like you have things well in hand.
You've brought the issue to his attention and nothing has changed so you must resolve it yourself. If that means ditching him so be it. Hopefully he'll learn that he can't be so predictable and boring if he wants a woman to stay with him.
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A
female
reader, Roxypuss +, writes (5 June 2012):
Sex shouldn't be as enjoyable if his partner wasn't up for it hardly makes him feel desirable so i don't see why he keeps pushing but it's very disrespectful. Maybe ask if he sees sex as a basis for his self confidence and attractiveness he maybe sees it as affirmation in the same way that you maybe feel affirmation from someone expressing love in non sexual ways. Also maybe if you initiate the sex he'll feel more desired and you\ll feel more in control of the sex life you share.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Your feelings are already telling you correctly what you should do. If you aren't wanting to always have sex with him and he's pushing you and breaking you down until you give in every time, then he doesn't respect you. If you've told him how you feel and he doesn't stop his behavior, then words are worthless at this point, and you must take action.
Just tell him that he's a good guy, but it's over. There's a difference between attention and being used. It's also not cool if he's starting to expect you to put out every time you're with him, and when you say no, he pushes and pushes.
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