A
female
age
36-40,
*entalbabe2
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years now, he is a bit controlling if i ever say im going out for a bit he will accuse me of cheating on him, so in the end i end up not going out, it has now come to the stage that i will not feel comfortable going out with out him i always go out with him never without him, and he moans that i wont go down the shop and that, he used to always go behind my back lusting after other women, and has cheated on me a few times the last time being 6 months ago he never cheated but he dumped me for another women, we got back together the same night i felt that i had to because i was scared of what he might do if i had finished it with him, i do love him but some times he makes me feel like he hates me, he is always in a mood when he dont have a spliff.when he quits smoking cannabis hes just always in a mood, he says things to hurt me when hes in these moods stuff like i wear disgusting clothes lodsa crap like that, he can get violent as well, (smashing stuff in the house and pushing me ) i just need some advise, all ive ever done is stand by him, ive been through a lot with him, please help if you can.
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female
reader, lonely planet +, writes (3 June 2010):
You won't like reading what I have got to say. End it. I have been there. If you really love him and want to be with him forever and he is the one, take a break from each other and evaluate what you both want from the relationship.
He can't treat you the way he does, and you should stop letting yourself being treated like that. You have lost all confidence and you can't see the wood for the trees. You need to regain your confidence.
I did that with my partner of five years (if you read my question you can see a flavour of what I went through). We aren't currently together (he moved out) but we are getting on better than ever. And maybe in the future we shall sort things out but one day at a time....
But I would say one thing....tell him to get help for cannabis addiction. He will probably be a nicer person for it.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 You have been sucked into the awful world of an abusive man. You can't fix him by changing your behavior; that's not what's driving him. What drives him is the need to control you and he will continue to do so no matter how docile and obedient and submissive you get.
You have to find a way to leave him. If you are fearful for your safety, you do need to get in contact with the police or a women's shelter so you can make the break. I have a link for you: Womens Aid - The premier resource for domestic violence and sexual abuse against women and children in the UK. Got a massive range of support services from “safe refuges” for those most at risk to just plain old sound advice. Site is awesome but friendly and welcoming so not surprising some people feel more reassured just visiting it.
http://www.womensaid.org.uk
0808 2000 247 (Freephone)
The best help I feel I can give you is to consider freeing yourself from the prison he's put you in. A prison of his devising, and you are in it because he has mentally battered you down to think this is normal. It is NOT normal, it is NOT healthy and there is a way you can exit the relationship safely.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 June 2010):
PLEASE leave this man. Stop standing by him. He's a loser and effectively a woman beater. End it now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): The best advice I can give you is, stop standing by him. I have read through you post and I can't understand why you are with him, it's time to dump him.
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