A
female
age
36-40,
*amara Hanley
writes:Well mines a long story. Really hope you can help. This is th second split from my boyfriend of 7 years. The first split was in 2008 at christmas and alsmost killed me, i went completely mad and was totally heartbroken. I ended up moving miles away from my town to London, and after a few months got a new job, new flat and a new man, i felt alot more independent. Anyway my ex came back to me and wanted to work things out, he showered me with gifts and promises and love to start with. I was overwhelmed and didnt know what to do. So stupidly i carried on seein both guys, my ex moved to London to be with me and found out about the other guy, it really hurt him so i finished things completely with the other guy and concentrated on the relationship with my ex. Things were going great at first we seemed really happy and getting with our life together. He ended up moving in with me just after christmas and we seemd happy until about May this year he seemed to start punsihing me for seeing the other guy eventhouhg this was about ayear ago that it happened. Being cruel to me and saying nasty things, snapping at me and not wanting to be with me. Another thing that didnt help was the fact i lost a baby in December and didnt tell my ex as things were going so well i didnt want to rock the boat, i told him 3 months later and he then started to thinnk that maybe the baby wasnt his - when it definitely was. That nhurt me him thinking that. Anyway, about 4 weeks ago we were arguing and arguing as he anted to leave and i was begging him to stay just like the last time we split. I came home from work one day and found a note on the table saying sorry i didnt want things to turn out this way, he took the tv and computer and left me with no monye at all. He had asked his friend to drive to london to pick him up, he had put 2 weeks off work and went up north. I was gutted i was literally having panic attacks and worrying about what he was doing. He put my number on his rejection list, deleted me from his facebook, deleted all our pictures together and started a completely new account with absaloutely no memories of me and him whatsoever. That has killed me and still is. I had paid for a holiday for us which he didnt give me any money for either and wouldnt come with me. He came back to London a week ago, slept with me and told me that he loves me, he misses me, he wants to be with me but cant as he doesnt believe a word i say and cant trust me and being with me he is just punishing me. Anyway, he slep with me just like last time we split up. I left him in my flat and i went on the holiday, totally lonely, heartborken and up ended up coming home early to suprise him. This didnt work, he didnt seem happy to see me at all and had arranged some other living arrangements he packed his bags and told me the same things, he loves me, hes sorry, he cant be with me but wants too and didnt want it to end this way. I found out also that while he was up north he had been trying to chat girls up just like last time we split aswell. I am literally in pieces and dont know what to do to make him come back to me. Before he left on thursday we slept together - i feel like a fool for letting him use me this way. He left crying saying he was sorry, he has still left half his clothes and stuff at mine and then said he would come round to see me next week. He has went back up north again this weekend and has put my umber on rejection list again. I am going out my mind, i love him more than he knows, and i dont know what to do, i want to be with him so badly its killing me. I would do ahything to have him back and im sure he knows this, he has me right where he wants me just like last time. I cant blieve he can delete me out of his life after 7 years of being with me, i cant believe we have come all this way togehter for him to run off like a coward again. It hurts me so much that he has deleted me and put my number on rejection again. I bet when he comes back to London he will lift the rejectionn again t porbbaly come round and use me and i will let him. I love him unbelieavly and this is killing me. I am trying to find somewhere else to live too as i cant afford the rent here on my own. The only places i can afford that are decent are near to where he is staying now. I honestly dont know what to do to get him back again. I know people keep aying im better off but i dont want to be i want to be with him so badly and want him to want me again like he did before when we split, i dont know how this is gong to work him coming to see me - i feel like some dirty little secret while hes up north hes pretending to everyone that he isnt seeing me or having contact with me but when hes in london he obviously is coming round to see me when he picks and chooses. I honestly dont know what to do get him back again. I would literally do ahything. What should I do? How can i get him to want me give up anything for me like before? Do you think he is likely to just delete 7 years from his life like that? I really hope he doesnt meet anyone new either that might just kill me completely too. I am going out my mind and all i can think about from the minute i wake up to the minute i sleep is him and ways of getting him back. What should i do? He mentioned courting me before i went away on holiday, and said that maybe that would work, not living together, but now he thinks that wont work either. I think his logic is that cutting me completely out of his life and not speaking to me will help him to forget about what happened with the other guy. I dont know, he knows how much i love him and all ive done for weeks now is chase after him and try different tactics to get him back. You see, when we were together and happy its the best feeling in the world and i know he feels it too, the bond there is unreal. What do you suggest i do to get him back, i am desperate and will do anything? Thanks for reading this i hope you can help.
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female
reader, dijoyful +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Well sweetie, first of all take a deep breath and breeeth, you have got to calm down, i know exactly how you feel, i too found the love of my life and he left
me, we were friends first and then had a year love affair then one day he finally said he loved me, the next he was gone?? 3 years later, after his new marriage of a year (someone he met and married after we broke up??) failed he came back all full of talk for our future together, how much he loved me and loves me now,how he had got scared of his feelings for me, and how sorry he was. I could see his love for me oozing out of his every pore... so i let him back in after all the unbeleivable hurt i went through, just like you, i don't know how i got through, but i did, my friend was a wonderful help..after a year i found i wasn't thinking about him so much, when i saw him, (which i did often) the feelings just weren't there (what a relief) what i found helped is i put all the memories of us, all of my dreams, every thing i loved about us into a box in the back of my mind....just imagine every time you feel really sad , thinking about him just push it to the back of you mind open the lid put it in the box and shut the lid...thats your 'pandoras' box. You need to bring all the bad things about him into you concious mind, all the things his done to hurt you, all his annoying habits, re run them in your mind, over and over again, you dont have to beleive it, just do it, lock the good memories away, consintrate on the bad... this is your safty mechenisism you will start to fill stronger, even get angry...let it out, how dare he come back and mess my life up, you have every right to be hurt and disappointed. Well me and my man unlike you are still dating, he hasn't introduced me to any his family (he has a daughter who lives with him)They don't know i exist, he says they wouldn't understand at this time... I am struggling with this he seems to be keeping me at arms length...i have no doubt that he loves me, i feel it in him but i feel way down on his list of priorities, grabing any bit of attention he throws my way... your man might come back, he might not, but you just have to leave him alone, the people we love most arent always the ones that are best for us, no matter how much we want it....im just starting to understand that...Breath sweetie and repeat to yourself as many times as you need I Will get through this 'TRUST AND LET GO'
Best of luck
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 Your hurt weeps through every word, however , at some point you must get a grip and evaluate your future. Life with a jerk that steals from you,breaks your heart and comes and goes whenever he pleases?OR Start over with a newfound hope and renewed expectains? My advice is move to a new place and forget him.
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