A
male
age
36-40,
*ittlenicks
writes:I met a fantastic woman earlier this year. The moment we met, there was instant chemistry. Things were going so well between us, but lately, I'm starting to keep my distance. This really saddens me, but I can't help it. She broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years as things weren't working anymore, and because she had found someone else that she really loved and wanted to be with. She later found that the man she thought she wanted to be with, really had little/no respect for her and got upset everytime she went to see him. The reason apparently was because of his admitted jealousy over me. He also was seeing someone else, which hurt her even further, as he didn't tell her, and lead her on. Everytime they argue, she says that she wants nothing more to do with him, but shortly after, she jumps to see him again. He is always saying derogatory things about me, even though he has never met me.During all of this, she has lead me on into believing that she loves me, and wants to be with me, but can't make up her mind between the 3 of us (her ex boyfriend wanted to get back together with her). I have been there for her through all the rough times when she needed someone to lean on. She always says things in text messages like, "I'm crazy about you" and "You're so gorgeous" or "I miss you so much", She constantly has contact with both men, despite the fact they hurt and upset her so often. She now claims that she is not ready for a relationship. All I want to know is, should I stay and wait a little longer, or should I move on? I love her deeply, and I have given her my all. Is she using me? What is your opinion on all of this?Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): The problem is she needs to act like a grown up and make a clear choices about what type of relationship she wants and with whom.. Your friend, this woman...is emotionally involved with you but she has 2 other guys on the hook and can't decide what she wants to do. She has told you she is not ready for a relationship with you. So naturally her involvement with these two other guys, is keeping you hanging and meeting her needs but not making a committment to you. By doing this however, she is preventing you from finding other love interets who will give you what you deserve, their love and a committment to only you. She sounds a bit confused..she needs space to get her life figured out. Back away ffor awhile. By doing this, you take yourself out of the race and give up all this heartache. She may not want to let you go..you sound like you have been a crutch for her. She will wonder why you have distanced. If she does, then you tell her you will be her boyfriend/lover but you will not be 'just a friend'-tell her forthrightly, you are seeking committment, a happy future and a love relationship with her. If she does not want to commit to you, then you will know---you have not lost anything and yes, you were being used by an unavailable woman. Plus, realize if this happens, you will finally get closure on this and the emotional pain you have been in, with her. You then leave for good and seek a new life path that will tkae you in another direstion, where you can find a new lady love who will want you to be her bf/lover. Don't sell yourself short here..you deserve love and if she's not forthcoming..walk away. Heal recover and get out there in life and have fun meeting new potential life partners. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): hi there i understand its hard for you but give her space and dont crowd her. she is getting all she wants off these other men the affection, the need to be with some one, and at the end of the day where are you? if i were you i would hold back on the emotions slightly and wait you aint the only one queing. but you coud be the one for her when she sees through the lies of these other men that hold fake promises and dont deliever dont push it but dont give up hope good luck
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A
female
reader, drbroz  +, writes (3 May 2007):
 littlenicks,
I wouldn't give up on her or give her your all. She is obviously in a very unsettled phase of her life. She is very young and so are you. Let some experiences and life happen to both of you and try to live your life as you want to. Enjoy your life. It isn't all about having a girlfriend, or at least not one girlfriend.
I would be very careful about criticizing the other men involved in this relationship. They look bad for anything they say about you. Be the good guy. Be honorable.
I think you should know that she is a flighty (maybe not permanently), and perhaps impulsive. She may do something prematurely, if she does - just know that you gave it your best shot and move on. Be very careful with birth control and safe sex there are too many people in this relationship.
If she does turn out to be your one and only, you can never hold this flighty period of her life over her head. If you think you will, get out now. That is an indication that it means more to you than you indicate.
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A
female
reader, racinggirl +, writes (3 May 2007):
 You should just tell her how you feel about her, that may make her drop the other two losers. If she doesn't respond to what you have to tell her then I would move on.
It hurts to love someone so much and them not love you in the same way.
I know that you don't want to know this because you love her deeply but, she might just be hanging onto you waiting for one of the other two guys in the picture to be with her.
I have been down the same road once and it hurts alot. Just tell her how you feel.....need someone to talk to get back to me.....hope all goes well
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): Im so sorry your head and heart must be all over the place but it sounds to me she is the very messed up one and she obv suffers from low self esteem to want to be with men who threat her so badly and if thats the case she wouldnt understand or appreciate a man who doesnt treat her that way , you sound far to nice kind and caring to be givin anymore of your time or love to this girl , it will be painful and will take time to get over but she will only mess up your life if you continue to be there for her wen she messe's up , you deserve someone who wants only you all the time unconditionally as she will not do that for you she will only continue to use you
hope this helps
take care
be strong your better then all this nobody deserves to be treated like this
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