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female
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*oxygirl
writes: Dear Cupid!I have a tough question to ask about a clingy friend. We have been good friends for about 3 years, remaining close even though we resided in opposite sides of the country (we met when I lived in the southwest). L has been very helpful and nice and we have been supportive of each other in different ways. But even in the beginning of the friendship I noticed that he had a habit of calling too often, like a few times a day, and 2-3 times in a row within a few minutes.Now, I'm not a loner and do have a lot of other friends and thought that he had too, even though he lived alone with a large smelly dog that he seemed to worship. But recently I came to visit the city where he's at for 2 months (not because of him) and he suggested me staying with him and after some hesitation I agreed. That was a few weeks before that. Right after that he started calling even more, every single day, a few times and would get mad if I didn't answer or told him that I was around other people. I tried to say something like everybody needs space, and that I don't even talk to my parents every single day, but he acted like he didn't hear it or it didn't apply to him.I felt more and more uncomfortable with the idea staying at his place, but decided that we would talk and figure things out. I finally got there and he was acting weird calling me "baby", sitting too close to me, staring at me, asking me what I was doing and where I was all day.Then it got worse. He would come into my room late at night, sometimes drunk, and try to sit on my bed. I tried to discuss things but to no avail so I started avoiding him. I was constantly paniced as a result even got depressed and was afraid every time the phone rang because most of the time it was him.There is not a worse feeling in the world than dreading to come home and we did stay in one house. I also got a job at a restaurant working late hours so that we wouldn't run into each other. But then he started getting mad and yelling at me with a shaky voice that he never sees me anymore and I think he has been going through my belongings.During that last call he was being rude and accusatory and finally hung up...Believe me, I tried to put up with this situation for the purpose of saving a good friendship but it was getting out of hand. So after the hang up I looked online, rented a nice place and moved out the same day. I only left him a note after staying with him for about 2.5 weeks. I haven't heard from him since, but feel great relief being away from him, but at the same time regret losing a friend.I had a feeling that he hadn't had a relationship in a while but I never expressed any romantic ideas or interest towards him. This was completeley platonic. I feel bad ending it like that, but it was unbearable. I don't even know if I want to talk to him again, but do you think I should apologize to him for leaving like that?BTW,I'm 32,he's 44. Thank you!
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (19 September 2006):
 I get the impression that maybe his feelings towards you maybe more in a romantic nature and maybe felt that you moving in was more than what it really was, I think you should call him and explain to him how you feel that you don't want to lose his friendship and all that but how you felt like he possibly was thinking there was more to your relationship than just the friendship it really was and that your feelings towards him are simply for a friend and that you don't have romantic feelings towards him in any way and see how you get on from there, if it goes back the way it has been you may have to cut your friendship off completely.
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